Ciao!! Non sai che piacere essere capitata con un italiano! Quando ho dato un'occhiata al tuo blog, sono subito andata a leggere una delle tue ff e mi è piaciuta un sacco. Sei bravo a scrivere e avevo pensato di regalarti qualcosa di scritto, ma una mattina mi è venuta improvvisamente l'ispirazione per un disegno. Hai richiesto il loro ritrovo in chiave angst, quindi ho ragionato su come ciò potesse accadere... e ho ricordato uno degli attributi più tristi (e allo stesso tempo più teneri) di Shion e Nezumi, cioè che Shion lo trova spesso ferito e bisognoso di cure. Nezumi vive una vita in costante pericolo, quindi mi sembrava logico che gli potesse accadere qualcosa anche dopo aver deciso di andare via per conto suo. E quindi, in questo fumetto, Nezumi torna con la faccia mutilata da cicatrici (ho sofferto a rovinargliela!!) e Shion non sa se prova felicità nel rivederlo vivo oppure angoscia nel rivederlo in quello stato! Spero tanto che la mia idea ti piaccia, e buon Natale!
I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed the prompt!!! Even though it was kinda challenging for me lol, and ye, merry christmas to you all!!!
It started all that day.
Shion didn't remember the date, or how long it had been since he first heard those words, he just knew they've been staying in his head ever since then.
Quite a meaningful reminder.
At first he couldn't understand them, what did they even mean, right? He didn't—
And when he finally understood, oh, they fit so well in his head, words connecting the pieces of himself in such a fulfilling way he could have thrown up.
Because it was so… right, he was, he was, he had been ever since he helped him hide in his house, ever since he’d felt compassion for someone like him, ever since he still mattered in his head, even years later.
In a way, monster was just another, informal way, to refer to a criminal.
And Shion, in the eyes of the System, had basically been a criminal since he was twelve years old.
Criminal turned fugitive, and well, he really didn't want to think about it.
He didn't want to think about it at all, but that was hard not to do while he was running again, running from those same people he’d been part of, from the same System he’d always lived in.
Nezumi right before him, they ran and ran through the crowded streets of West Town, Shion could barely keep up with him, but the anxiety he felt building up in his chest was enough to not make him falter, almost trip, maybe, but never stop.
They’ll get you if you stop.
And between the shouts and the screams of the people they ran, until they were far away from the Town.
And still, still, their steps, their sounds, only seemed to be getting closer.
And all that running, all the thoughts that screamed in his head were enough to fill him with a strange strength, a strange adrenaline, a strange feeling of everything is crashing down.
Crashing down.
And he couldn't stop, he felt like he was running from his thoughts, in a way, feeling them creep up in his head as a way to bring him down, telling him to stop running, to stop and just…
Give up.
Give up.
People like you need to be taken down.
Monsters don't have a place in this world.
He could hear a faint voice in his head, he didn't recognize it beneath the frenetic beating of his heart in his hears, it almost seemed to say:
That's not true!
No. 6 has plenty of monsters running around and ruling the City, why do you need to be taken down, and they don't?
He didn't understand it.
He didn't understand it at all, he just kept running until only his heart echoed in his mind, until he was too tired to even think, until everything around them was nothing.
*
“That was a close one,” Nezumi was obviously trying to mask the fatigue in his voice, still, he couldn't stop breathing heavily.
“Y—Yeah,” Shion could barely speak, still catching his breath, “it really was… Do you think this place is… safe enough?”
He saw him look around, this place…
What even was that?
Shion had no idea something like this existed, it was just a simple cave, but from the look of it it almost seemed as if someone was living there.
“I'm sure it is,” Nezumi only said. He sat on a rock and took a deep breath. “It has to be, they’re probably still looking for us.”
Yeah, they probably won't stop anytime soon. “Still, finding a hideout like this is really almost miraculous.”
“Yeah,” he seems lost in his thoughts, “it really is.”
Shion didn't ask.
Nezumi clearly knew something about that place, but he didn't look like he wanted to talk about it.
So Shion didn't ask, finally rested enough to breathe slowly, and just…
Monsters don't have a place in this world.
Is it really a good idea to run away?
They are…
…doing the right thing—?
The realization almost made him jump.
When did he start thinking like that? Like he was… supposed to just… accept that?
Accept what? He was a monster, he knew that, but going from that to they have to take me down was something else.
Still, the thought came so naturally to him, so eradicated in his subconscious that he just…
No.
No.
He didn't want to welcome that thought, he— he had to save No. 6 from the parasite, he had to see his mother again, he had to—
Take me down.
Take me down.
Monsters don't have a place in this world.
Monsters don't have a place in this world.
Monsters don't—
“—ohi, Shion?” Nezumi’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts, surprised, almost as if he’d forgotten he was there too.
“Sorry, I spaced out.”
“Don’t let your thoughts run around too much,” he said, “we are gonna be fine.”
Are we?
Is that a good thing—?
Shion shook his head and took a deep breath. “I know, but thank you.”
“Don’t mention it,” he only said, the shadow of worry in his eyes, he wasn’t looking at Shion but he smiled anyway.
“I'm fine,” he said, as if he was trying to reassure him, as if he was trying to reassure himself.
“You have haunted eyes.”
That made Shion still.
“I've told you before, don't lie to me, Shion, don't make fun of me in that way,” worry replaced with blurry anger, Nezumi looked straight in his eyes.
His red eyes.
Don’t look at me, Shion's head screamed, don't, not you, you—
At least you, I—
I need someone to look at me and not see the monster I am—
“What's going on?” Nezumi asked. “You've had that look in your eyes since they started chasing us.”
Shion didn't answer.
“Ohi—”
“I'm fine,” I'm fine, I'm fine, “don't worry about me, let's worry about what we’re going to do next. We can't stay here forever.”
“At least be honest, Shion,” his voice echoed in the cave, loud and clear, “I won't ask if you really don't want to talk, but stop fucking lying to me.”
Shion didn't answer.
Nezumi sighed. “I’m gonna sleep now, the sun’s probably coming down, you’d better get some sleep too, we’ll see if we can go home tomorrow.”
Shion nodded and moved to sit on the ground, it was cold, so cold, a chill passed through his whole body.
He didn't think he would be able to sleep anytime soon.
And it looked like Nezumi too wouldn't be sleeping that night, given hours later none of them was sleeping, Shion tried his best to make it look like he was, while he could clearly see him getting up to check if someone was outside.
Was he nervous too?
He didn't know, but he needed him to stay strong, in a way, while he could only think about how fulfilling it would be to just…
Give up.
Give up.
Give up—
Against his best interest, Shion sat up, he felt too tired to be still awake and too awake to sleep, he waited until Nezumi was again in the cave.
“How is it outside?” Shion asked.
“No trace of anyone,” he only said.
“Mh.”
“You should really sleep.”
“I know.”
“Why aren't you?”
Shion thought about what to say.
He didn't want to lie again, not when that would have made him angry, still, he really didn't know what to say. “I'm thinking.”
Nezumi was looking at him with a face that screamed You're an idiot, Shion didn't understand it, but he saw him walk closer and sit beside him.
“Shoot.”
“Uh?”
“C’mon, Shion, say what you think, so you’ll let go of it, and maybe you’ll be able to sleep for a few hours.”
Shion didn't answer. “You too.”
“Ah?”
“You seem troubled too, I… can listen, if you want.”
Nezumi sighed. “It's really nothing important, and mostly none of your business.”
“My thoughts are none of your business too, yet here we are.”
He saw him roll his eyes, a small grin on his lips, he was…
He didn't know.
He didn't know at all.
“I used to live here,” Nezumi said, “before finding the other place, brings back memories I guess,” he turned to look at him. “Your turn.”
Shion didn't answer. “That's why you know it's safe?”
He nodded.
“That's nice.”
“It is.”
“I…” Shion couldn't think of a way to articulate his thoughts, almost as if he was suddenly unable to think at all. “I… it's… stupid, I know I… am not? But… I guess sometimes it's hard not to listen to my head,” he sighed, turning towards Nezumi. “When you look at me, what do you see?”
Nezumi looked quite…
Impassive.
Almost as if he wasn't thinking at all, or almost as if he was actively trying not to let his thoughts reflect on his face. “What do you mean?”
“I don't know, leave it—”
“Nah wait, let me think,” and feeling his eyes on him was almost too much.
Made his head scream a little more.
“I see a person,” he said, Shion felt his heart jump, “a person who should really sleep right now, because thinking too much will only make him too tired to run tomorrow.”
“Why are you like this?”
“You ask too many questions.”
Shion smiled. “And you never answer.”
“That kind of question is complicated, Shion,” he sighed. “I really don't know what you want me to say.”
“It's not about what I want you to say, it's about what you honestly think.”
“Why do you want to know?”
Shion didn't answer.
He wished he could just sleep instead of being tormented by useless thoughts.
“I'm not lying when I say I see a person when I look at you,” Nezumi continued. “I trust you, Shion, I'm still not sure if that is a good thing or not, but I do, and I'm not lying when I say I wouldn't trust you if you weren't.”
Shion turned to look at him. “How—?”
“You're easy to read,” Nezumi shrugged, “and I know you.” He put a hand on his shoulder. “Now, let's get some sleep, a few hours will be enough.”
I know you.
Shion couldn't think.
He couldn't think at all, but his hand was warm and comforting in a way it had never felt before.
He laid down again, Nezumi now beside him, and closed his eyes, hoping this time his head would scream a bit less.
