Sassy sentence starters | lines
“If someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, you just look around and answer ‘haven’t decided yet.’’
“From this point on I’m going to treat people exactly how they treat me. Some should be glad, some should be scared.”
“Some people just need a pat on the back off a cliff.”
“I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended. Please be patient I will get to you shortly.”
“Karma’s just sharpening her nails and finishing her drink. She says she’ll be with you shortly.”
“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.”
“I’m one of the nicest assholes you could ever hope to meet.”
“Do you ever meet someone for the first time and want to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?
“Junior high called they want their drama back.”
“Sarcasm: The brain's natural defence against the less intelligent.”
“Just like the alphabet, bitch, I came before U.”
“I’m not saying let’s kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.”
“I’d rather fucking cheese grate my nipples than get back with them.”
“I’m bilingual, I speak bitch too.”
“Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.”
“The hardest part of my job is being nice to stupid people.”
“Well hello there, you look like a bad decision, come on over here.”
“I don’t have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.”
“I’m not saying she’s a hoe, but if her vagina was a property of monopoly it’d be free parking.”
“I already know that I'm going to hell at this point it’s really go big or go home.”
“People are so ungrateful...no one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.”
“You know that little voice inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn’t? Yeah, I don’t have one of those.”
“It’s a beautiful day to not be an asshole.”
“You call them swear words. I call them sentence enhancers.”
“I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile then walk into a pole.”
“I’m just waiting to see if my coffee chooses to use its powers for good or evil today.”