Okay, so for some reason people are still following this pathetic thing I started years ago, so let’s finally talk about some damn movies, shall we?
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. This shit is causing a stir, now isn’t it? As a guy who’s read countless comics from 6 decades, this movie bugged the absolute shit out of me. But let’s break this down into multiple categories. Ready? Let’s go.
Also, this is obviously going to have spoilers. If you’re reading this before watching the movie and still plan on doing so, you’re a goofball and should stop now. I’m gonna tear this thing apart. Oh, also, if you couldn’t tell already, I’m more than likely going to swear. So if that somehow offends you enough to not read this you should just keep on scrolling.
Authenticity:
First and foremost, Batman is not a killer. Yes he’s killed before, but only when it’s absolutely necessary. As far as I know, Batman does not pick up a machine gun or mount turrets on his vehicles in order to straight up murder people with zero remorse. In explaining why he chose to do this, Zack Snyder basically said “other people did, so why shouldn’t I?” Sure, according to him Batman never took the killing shot, either just letting people die or shooting the vehicle they were in and, by proxy, the guy died and Batman’s mentality was “I didn’t shoot directly so it’s not my fault”. Sure, I’m being cynical and completely paraphrasing, but if you’d like to see his exact words here’s an article explaining it: http://screenrant.com/batman-v-superman-kills/.
Continuing in the authenticity debacle that is this movie, Batman isn’t psychic. The dreams and visions he had throughout this movie made absolute no sense. Did they make sense in terms of story? Yes, they did, but the fact that Bruce is dreaming all of these things makes no sense character wise because Batman cannot see the future nor can he predict events to come. According to the movie he needs to round up the Justice League to save Lois because Superman, which as far as he knows is dead, will turn evil if Lois gets killed... Not only does that not make sense, seeing as Superman is “dead” and all, but why would Bruce want to bring together an entire group of people with incredible powers that he doesn’t understand or fully comprehend, when he just spent the last two years of his life wanting to murder Superman because of the fact that he may or may not be a a threat to humankind with his vast amounts of strength and powers?
Okay, so now that we’ve established that Batman is inconsistent and can’t make a cohesive fucking decision, let’s talk about what those goofy dreams of his are alluding to. Most obviously, the desert scene is hinting at the storyline Injustice. In the original book, the Joker mixed Krytonite with the fear toxin of the Scarecrow to trick Superman’s brain into thinking that Lois Lane was Doomsday. With that Superman took “Doomsday” to space and let him suffocate to death. Once “Doomsday” was dead he snapped out of his fear-induced rage and realized that he had just killed his who was pregnant. Rightfully so, Superman loses his shit and in the long-run becomes a tyrant who thinks that by killing those who commit crimes he is saving the world and creating a safer world for mankind.
Okay, so in the movie version it seems as if Batman is the one who killed Lois, or somehow caused her death, and Superman is taking his full rage out on him. Superman has an army of regular humans who enforce his laws and “bring peace”
This army was indeed in the movie and wore the Superman patch on their arms while subduing Batman. The next scenes, which is a doozy of a mindfuck that doesn’t flow in the movie, is where Batman in killed by Superman because he allegedly killed Lois, or at least cause her death.
Is this imagery familiar? Because this is what happened to Batman during this vision. They’re alluding to the Injustice storyline where Superman loses his mind and becomes god-powered super Hitler and it doesn’t make sense in the story we’ve been given. Now, in another shot during this desert scene, we see these guys in the background.
You see those flying dudes that were never explained at all? Common theory is that those are Parademons and that Darkseid is going to be the big bad villain the Justice League movie? Oh, you don’t know who Darkseid is? This movie didn’t explain that these flying bug dudes were leading to something bigger in the very distant future? Big shocker there... This movie has a tendency of not explaining a lot of shit that happens and leaving people to guess. I’ll just say this, Darkseid is super scary son of a bitch and you should be hyped for his arrival if it’s done correctly. But, let’s talk about these parademons for a second. The fact that they’re there is confusing enough, but who are they fighting for? Is there a three way fight between the Batman forces, Superman forces and Darkseid? Is Superman working with Darkseid? Is Batman? Either of those choices would be stupid and nonsensical, but these are the questions we have to ask when given absolutely zero explanation.
Lastly, we have the vision where the Flash, who is wearing some Tony Stark looking armor suit, comes in and says that Lois is the key to everything and that Batman needs to save her. Okay, so as far as I can tell this is, once again, leaning towards the Injustice line where Superman will go crazy if Lois dies, but it uses time travel as a means of conveying that even though time travel is not established in this world so it may just be another weird-ass Batman vision that gives nothing to the main story.
Film Structure
Alright, so far I don’t feel like I’ve been too hard on this movie except for saying that the plot doesn’t flow and nothing makes sense. Well here’s the part where I really get into that and tear this thing to fucking shreds.
Okay, so most importantly... The editing on this movie is absolute fucking garbage. This movie does not flow together at all. As a hole this movie felt like 3 movies were made and they cut together all of the scenes to make a two and a half hour mess of an experience. Do I think it’s an overall bad movie? No, not necessarily, but it was really hard to follow what was going on when it would switch between three different characters who were all in different locations and doing some random act that had nothing to do with the the previous scene. The movie had no stability. As far as I can tell it wanted there to be five main characters, while in reality there should have been three. Superman, Batman and Lex Luthor should have been the main focus of this movie as a whole, but it focused way too much time on Wonder Woman and especially Lois Lane. Wonder Woman’s character was never given a name besides “Miss Prince”, and if you hadn’t been following the movie on movie news sites or social media you wouldn’t have known who the hell her character was until two hours into the movie where they revealed she was Wonder Woman. It was more logical to think she was Cat Woman because of her behavior in certain situations.
Anyway, multiple times throughout the movie there were scenes that not only seemed incredibly random but also out of place and poorly timed. If I’m remembering this sequence correctly, there were three scenes in a row that especially felt half-assed and poorly cut in the editing booth. The first scene showed Lex in a body of water in the Kryptonian ship talking to the AI about obtaining information. The second scene was with Batman and Superman ending their fight and talking about saving Martha (an incredibly fucking stupid turn of events, by the way), and then the last scene was Lois randomly picking up the kryptonite spear and tossing into an nondescript body of water which slightly resembled the scene with Lex. Not only was it never established that the building where Batman and Superman had just fought was flooded in a very specific spot, but the decision to have Lois make a dipshit naive action such as throwing away the one weapon (that wasn’t hers by the way) that could stop an alien race that has already destroyed Metropolis once, is incredibly irresponsible of both the director and editors.
Besides that one scene, there are multiple scenes that seem out of place and shoehorned into the film to attempt to weave together this jumbled mess of a movie. Now, like I said earlier, I did not hate this movie as a whole. There were some fantastic scenes and great imagery throughout that made this movie worthwhile. The fight between Batman and Superman was solid and felt incredibly plausible for the most part. The warehouse scene where they took the fight choreography from Arkham City was beautifully done. The montage of Superman saving the day and being the boyscout we all know him to be. There were some amazing moments throughout, but, as a whole, the movie fell short of reaching its full potential and felt like they tried to put way too much into one movie.
In my personal opinion, this should have specifically been Man of Steel 2. Almost all of the Superman, Clark Kent, Lois Lane and Lex Luthor scenes, by themselves, were fantastically done. I would have loved to seen the rivalry between Supes and Lex start and grow within this movie and still end the way it did, with Superman sacrificing his life to save not only the woman he loved, but the entire human race from the abomination that was Doomsday. I think the courtroom scene was well done, especially when Superman was somberly standing in the middle of the burning building surrounded by the dozens of dead people that he knew died because of him. That shit was great. If the entire movie would have focused on the morals and need of a Superman, I think it would have been a lot better and would have been received better by the public. Batman, while done well enough to justify, did not feel needed in the full scope of things. If this movie was a political debate showing the pros and cons of having Superman as the earth’s savior instead of forcing a very awkward fight between the two main heroes, I feel like this movie would have flowed a lot better and not have left me and many other fans disappointed.
Save Martha
Okay, so this is, in my opinion, the stupidest fucking scene in the entire goddamn movie, and yes it deserves its own section. So, if for some reason you haven’t seen the movie at this point and are reading this thing of mine, Lex kidnaps Martha (Superman’s mom) and because of that Superman goes to either reason with Batman or kill him, you know, because these characters seem to have absolutely no respect for human life unlike their comic counterparts. Now, the real kicker here, is that Batman’s mother’s name is Martha too... So when Batman is reeling back to murder Superman with is krypotonite spear, Superman let’s out a hilariously sounding “save Martha”, which triggers the shit out of Batman and makes him a bit flustered. After a fair amount of “why did you say that name”, main character Lois Lane comes on the scene to tell him that Martha is Superman’s mom and then the two have a complete bro moment because their moms have the same name. So, if that sounds incredibly fucking stupid, that’s because it is. Their moms have the same name, so Batman goes from “I want to kill this alien who uncaringly let thousands of people die because of his feud with another alien” to “Hey, man, I had a mom with the same name once. We should be besties now” FUCK THAT SHIT! I’m sorry, but that is incredibly stupid and makes Batman seem like a baby back bitch. The alien who dropped buildings on innocent people gets a pass because his adopted mother has the same name as your dead mom? That’s not really how logic works. So they become friends for about 30 minutes, and then Superman picks up the kryptonite spear that nearly killed him, and somehow rams it into Doomsday’s chest, which results in both Superman’s and Doomsday’s deaths because Doomsday stabs him with his half-regenerated stabby bone arm. But don’t worry, he’s obviously not dead. The dirt moved. We know he’s alive because Superman can effect gravity for reasons.
Are these all the reason this movie is getting slammed by the media or why it makes me cringe? No. I'm also not saying that you shouldn’t watch this movie, because I know a lot of people aren’t as picky as me and really loved this film. See it for yourself and make your own decisions. I know this doesn’t cover absolutely everything in the movie and I may write more later, but I don’t actually know. These are just the thoughts of one asshole on the internet who thought this movie had a lot of potential, but threw all of that away for a chance to provide very vague un-needed information for the next movies to come.
I’m Austin, these are my random late might scrawlings, and I’m out.
