'i hate what i’ve become' for Thallen please?
Gladly! It took me a little while to land on an idea but this is what came out, and I’m pretty happy with it (and a little obsessed with the concept ngl 😅). Takes place during s3, though I couldn’t tell you during which episodes since it’s very canon-divergent.
Oh and also, since this is another long one, feel free to read the AO3 version instead if you prefer 💞
“It doesn’t have to be this way.”
“Of course it does,” Eddie snapped.
“Why? Because he said so?” Eddie heard the tears in Barry’s voice and faltered. “Come on, Eddie. This isn’t our first rodeo with speedster villains. Don’t—”
“Our?” Eddie scoffed. “Please. There was never an our, and you know it.”
Barry’s voice broke as he said, “What...?”, and it almost made Eddie regret what he’d said.
But he knew better.
“Is that why you didn't bother to remember me?” Eddie’s eyes flashed. “Why you were so fixated on Iris the moment I died—why you held back on moving on because she’s not Iris, I guess?”
Barry’s eyes widened. “Is that what he told you?”
“Is he wrong?”
He’d looked at Eddie with such regret in his eyes upon telling him everything, his eyes soft the way Barry’s were. How could that be a lie?
Three people in this relationship...wasn’t there a reason I said it like th—?
“—not that simple.”
“Bullshit.”
“It’s not!” Barry pleaded. “Eddie—”
“You never liked me, did you?” Tears burned Eddie’s eyes too. “Always an obstacle in the way of you and Iris—was our whole friendship just a lie to you?”
“No,” he had whispered when Eddie had asked the same question of him. “Well, yes. But also no. I liked you, that was no lie, but...your friend? No…I’m not one to settle, Eddie.”
“Of course not! Eddie, I...I...”
Barry faltered. Why did he falter?
He hadn’t faltered. He hadn't hesitated one second to show Eddie exactly how he felt about him.
That kiss had left him dizzy and euphoric. Savitar had grinned at the sight.
Eddie had returned the favor.
“You what?” He prompted, crossing his arms.
“I love you,” Barry finished hoarsely.
Eddie nodded tightly, swallowing the bitter taste in his mouth. “I know.”
“You...you know? What does that m—”
“It means,” Savitar interrupted, coming up behind Eddie and standing beside him, “that I told him. Showed him, really.”
Barry's eyes widened as he looked between them, paling. “Y-you...?”
“Didn’t you wonder who brought Eddie back, Barry? Surely you must’ve had your theories.” Savitar smirked. “Did you suspect for even one second that it was actually a version of you? A better version, who isn’t such a spineless coward?”
(Eddie bit his tongue.)
Barry scowled. “You get away from him!”
Savitar chuckled, wrapping an arm around Eddie. “If he wants me to, then certainly.” He turned to Eddie expectantly, his eyes soft again.
Eddie glanced between him and Barry, who’d come so close now that Eddie could see the tears sparkling in his eyes. “Please,” he begged. “We can help you, I swear. He might’ve brought you back, but we can keep you alive somehow while still defeating him. I promise.”
Eddie hesitated. “You...you can’t promise that.”
Savitar’s grip tightened.
But maybe I should accept anyway.
“Yes I can,” Barry insisted, ever the reckless hero. “You saved us once. You saved me. Let me save you too.”
“Eddie,” Savitar warned, his voice low. “You can’t trust him, remember?”
But Eddie barely heard him, his eyes fixed on Barry. “I hate what I’ve become,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “Half-alive, like some kind of zombie.”
Barry’s eyes widened. “Eddie—”
Savitar was surprised too, Eddie could see it, but he kept his gaze fixed on Barry as he spoke.
“I’m a dead man walking, Barr—or at least, I feel like it. Like I'm a step removed from reality, like I'm a piece that doesn't fit.” His tears spilled over. “You can't fix that. No one can. Not unless you have the kind of power he does."
“He can’t fix you any more than we can!” Barry cried. “And he doesn’t want to—Eddie, don’t you see—?” He gasped as Savitar shot forward and caught hold of him by the throat.
“You always did have a problem of talking too much,” Savitar sneered, “and assuming. Remind me, how did that work out with Iris?”
Barry flinched.
Eddie winced, unable to suppress his sympathy...but regretting it for the hope that flickered in Barry’s eyes.
Give it up, Barr. I’m begging you.
“Eddie,” Savitar said slowly, almost crooning, “who are you going to trust? Barry, who has lied to you so many times and who forgot about you after you died to save him...or me, who brought you back to atone for my mistakes?”
Eddie’s eyes locked on Barry, who mouthed, “Please,” with tears gushing from his eyes.
“When I was kidnapped by your mortal enemy.” Eddie said slowly, “you didn’t exactly try to help. I saved myself—and then, with my last breath, I saved you. And you repaid me by forgetting about me.”
Barry’s tears spilled over. “Eddie—”
“It’s over, Barry. You’ve chosen, and so have I.”
Savitar smirked, dropping Barry, who coughed and spluttered and shook his head.
“No,” he gasped. “No, I won’t accept that.”
“Ooh,” Savitar teased, “and you say I’m the control freak.”
“I’m gonna help you,” Barry continued, “and save you from him, I swear.”
Can you, Barry? Can you really?
“Stop wasting your time,” Eddie retorted, wrapping his arm around Savitar’s shoulders. “If you really care about me as much as you claim, put that energy towards Iris. She deserves that from you, and more.”
“Don’t you remember what you said?” Barry pleaded. “About three people in our relationsh—?”
“I was wrong!” Eddie snapped, the lie burning his throat. “It was always you and Iris, even back then. I was just the idiot who thought I had a chance.”
“Eddie—”
“Goodbye, Barry.”
And Savitar, the master of dramatic timing, swept Eddie up in his arms and carried him away in a flash of gold lightning.
“You did the right thing,” Savitar reassured him, hours later, when it was just the two of them and Eddie kept glancing out the window.
“Did I?” Eddie replied distantly, Barry's tearful face still flashing in his mind.
“Are you having doubts?” Savitar’s voice dropped an octave, and Eddie would never admit to the chill that swept down his spine.
“No,” he said, hoping he hadn’t said it too quickly. “Of course not. You brought me back to life...you cared about me when no one else did.”
“Indeed I did,” Savitar agreed, and Eddie watched in the glass’s reflection as Savitar grinned, very determinedly not thinking of how fast his heart was beating. Savitar slid an arm around him. “And you know, Eddie...Barry can be quite persistent when it comes to things he wants. You’ll need some way to defend yourself.”
Defend himself...from Barry? “He’d never hurt me,” Eddie protested. “He doesn’t have that in him.”
Not Barry. Not the kindhearted, brave man I fell in love with.
“Oh?” Savitar tilted his head. “But hasn’t he before?”
“I...he...he was whammied. That's not...”
“All Bivolo does,” Savitar said with a sigh, “is amplify feelings that already exist. Barry did love you—otherwise I wouldn’t—but more than that, he hated you all along. He only needed a little push to show you exactly how he felt.” He smiled. “Not unlike you and me...though I’d say that turned out much better for us.”
“Yeah,” Eddie agreed, lost for anything else to say.
Savitar nodded. “It’s settled, then. Tomorrow...I’ll give you a way to defend yourself from anyone. I even have a codename in mind, if you’re amenable.” He smiled wryly, his cheeks reddening. “No pressure, of course. Just...force of habit.”
He sounded a little like Barry, enough that some of Eddie's fear dissipated. Not all, but...enough. “What did you have in mind?”
“I was thinking...Cobalt Blue.”
prompt list!