Chapter 6- Should I tell him... everything?
We sat there in silence but I finally decided to speak up. “I never blamed you for that you know?” I start. “What? How come? I mean I … well, you know.” He stutters. “I know but I never blamed you for any of this. I blamed your parents, mine, my brother but mostly myself. “ I say looking down. I felt his hand pulling my chin upwards guiding my eyes to look into his. We stayed like that for a while. I could feel that we both wanted to kiss each other. So someone had to make the first move. I leaned closer and so did he. We were inches apart and about to kiss but things like that just don’t happen like they do in movies. And although I had been thinking about my sickness and how he hurt me, I wasn’t the one that pulled away. I was shocked. “I’m sorry, I have to go.” I say with tears in my eyes, once again and then I turned around and I started to run away from him. This time it turned out like in the movies, he ran after me and he hugged me. It was perfect. But like always things don’t work how I would want them to. “Listen, let’s talk this through and get it over with ok?” he says dragging me back to our bench. “OK, what do you want to talk about? I said that I never blamed you for hitting me… I only blamed you for leaving me and hurting me in the process.” I say quietly. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek and then continued. “I’m sorry but I explained it. Please forgive me trouble.” He finishes with a kiss on my forehead. “I know but you can’t undo what has already been done” I say wile fumbling with my sleeves. He must have seen through me because when I looked up his expression was terrifying. He looked scared, guilty, like he knew what I have done. “Naveah, do you have something more to tell me?” he says pleadingly. When I didn’t move, he gently took my arms and pulled up my sleeves. He was shocked and terrified. “Naveah… when did this happened?” he asked. “What do you think? Plus that’s not all of it…” I add more quietly. “I want you to show me the rest.” He says gently taking my hand into his. “Before I do I need to know something.” I continue. “Yeah. What is it?” he asks quickly. “Why did you leave and cut me out? Was that the only reason you left? Maybe there was someone else? Or..” I stutter. “No. There wasn’t anyone else trouble. It was always just you and me.” He says this time genuinely smiling. “If it was always me and you why did you leave? Why not take me with you? Why not write letters or something?” I begin trembling. “I wanted to save you from what I have become. I know that it was stupid but that was the best I could do at that time for you.” He says biting his lip. It’s his habit, he does that when either he’s nervous or tries to flirt with someone. This time it’s the first one. “I believe you and I do forgive you” I say looking in his eyes truly meaning what I say. He gently creases my cheek and then says softly “I need to see the scars.” “I know and I will show you but not here, not now” I say. “Oh, it’s going to be now.” He says fiercely. “Look, don’t get angry!” but he didn’t let me finish “No, I want to see them because it will end like last time. We fight and I will never see what I have done to you!” He yells “First of all, don’t yell at me and second of all, let me finish dork!” I yell at him this time. “OK, I’m listening.” He says calmly this time. “I will show you today, but not here in the garden. Maybe in my dorm or something, but not here, out in the open. That’s what I meant by later” I say. “Oh.” He looks ashamed. “Yeah” I smile. “So let’s go to my room, since Katie might be there and I really don’t want to throw her out since she already left us here.” He says while taking my arm and leading me inside the school.
I showed him all my scars and when I said he was terrified before now he was beyond terrified and whatever the next one is. He touched and kissed all my scars and there were a lot, although some of them faded. He kissed them more than once then he hugged me and finally looked me in the eyes with the same passion as he did a long time ago. We sat on his bed like that for a while until he leaned closer and kissed me. At first it was sweet, delicate but then it started to get more heated. He held onto me tightly, never wanting to let me go and I did the same. We kissed with some much passion. We ended up lying on his bed. He was over me. I could feel that he was smiling as we pulled away from the kiss. But that didn’t last long. He started to kiss my neck but soon come back to my lips. We stayed like that all night. We talked, laughed, sang, and kissed like we did in the past… Well, except for the kissing part. It was perfect. Then it hit me ‘I didn’t tell him’ I tough but I just couldn’t drop a bomb like that at 3 AM. So I didn’t. Soon we went to bed and that pretty much sums up my night with HIM. My Matthew.
