You see, I'm at this point in my life....well I come to this point frequently.... I know what I should do, and who I should be when it comes to being a child of God. I know I shouldn't be living the way I am now. I try not to claim to be a Christian anymore (as in I rarely volunteer that information) simply because I don't want to give the people the wrong idea of what a follower of Christ is supposed to look like. Part of me also feels like I'm simply stuck in that whole legalistic view of Christianity that is so viral, especially in the South. I don't want to be stuck in a legalistic view because I feel like that sets me up to call before I even begin. I know that I want to be better, I want to do better, I want to be pleasing to the Father. I feel like this has always been one of my biggest struggles: I want it but then I guess I screw up and I feel so unworthy that I just stray even farther. I think I just want to have this strong and enduring relationship with God like I see these people having and I feel like I'll never be able to have that. I want to be able to listen to a song about God, a song I love, and not feel like I shouldn't be listening to it because that kind of thing isn't for me. I strive so hard not to be a hypocrite that I think I feel like I'll never be good enough so it isn't even worth it. Idk, I don't understand. I could really use some good counseling in the area and some encouraging and enlightening words when it comes to the matter...and I need all of that to come free of judgement.
