#school is testing me

[fragrantvilra]

I’m sssooooo scared of life now

[rainbowroadonsteroids]

I absolutely hate how some college professors make flexibility so fucking difficult or just barely touch on semi-big projects; then if you email them telling them you need an extension/won't get it done on time your only response is "you should have read the syllabus" and they give you shit for it.

I'm tired. I'm stressed. I'm still in HS but I'm in a type of HS where I'm doing college work as well as regular schoolwork. I'm in my final fucking year and I'm trying to push as hard as possible but God is it difficult. I'm already taking one course where I have to do three concert reviews to fulfil a secondary requirement, plus I don't want to go all the way out to Cleveland for a single concert.

I found out last fucking night I have a diversity immersion assignment where I have to call and schedule an appointment with a nonprofit/some sort of cultural place and just go talk to them, and I'm glad I checked so maybe I have at least a small chance of getting an appointment tomorrow or Saturday because the assignment is due Saturday. It really is not much but boy is it fucking inconvenient.

I know I could have checked the course calendar or looked at the assignment ahead of time but I'm too fucking exhausted to. I don't want to. I already have a research essay and final for this class so why bother. Part of me is fried to the point I just don't want to do the assignment but I have to if I want to maintain a good grade and not fucking tank the class as a whole.

Just this slight inconvenience ruined my night, I fucking had a breakdown before I went to sleep because of this shit. I wish I would have gotten maybe a small heads-up earlier like, "Just so you all know, there is an assignment coming up which requires you to get in touch with a place and get involved with talking to a representative, so plan adequately and make your appointments soon."

And the fucking window for this assignment opened Monday. So literally unless you looked at the course calendar. But oh wait, all it says is it's due. Not how to do it just that it's due. So I literally just have a slight window telling me that I have to do this.

I know, it's my fault. I should be less of a fucking lazy dumbass and actually pay attention to shit. I only have like a few fucking weeks left before Winter Break and yet here I am holding on my threads. I wait until the last minute to do everything because it stressed me out. I don't study when I get home because it stresses me out. I just play video games in hopes of relaxing, I draw in hopes of relaxing, I message my friends in hopes of relaxing.

In the end am I really allowed to relax? Or do I have to walk on eggshells knowing I probably have a major assignment due next week? I can't enjoy my weekends because of some lurking dealing. I want to shave my head so badly because I keep feeling like I want to pull my own hair out but I also don't because I have a fucking double chin and I'd look like an egg. I went to rip my own nails put sometimes so I don't constantly bite them, I want to do something but it feels like every thought now isn't good. I'm not thinking of certain thoughts, just those slight internal thoughts you have to go against.

[booklantis]

heyoooo, I’ve been super duper inactive recently but school! is! a lot! and it’s been really hard to find time to write reviews lately, let alone finish a whole new book to review! Hopefully I’ll be more on the ball in the future, but thanks for sticking around ;))

[emproleon]

hi daily reminder that i love u n only wish the best for u! 💕

thank you!!! i needed this lol 🤧

[gingerwerk]

i have no hbo war chill today

in my 1960′s history class we’re talking about the beginning bringing ground troops into vietnam and how johnson didn’t fucking want marines and how he would have rather had anyone else come in and one of my classmates asked why he was so opposed to marines. there’s a former marine in my class and so my professor asked him to explain what the average marine was like. so he was like ‘the best way i can explain is from a quote from this one series generation kill...’

and he started to say ray’s quote from the first ep about the marine corps being like America's Pitbull but he misquoted it and had to tell myself to shut the fuck up and not correct him and find some fucking chill

[salvadordalhi]

It's been so long since i last NEEDED a cigarette and honestly right now i need one so much if i dont get one i will die in anger.