There’s this quote I love from Anaïs Nin’s “Henry and June”:
“You don't learn to suffer less, but you learn to manage the pain.”
That’s Tsukasa Akeuraji in a nutshell.
Tsukasa: Mine isn’t that big a deal. It’s just about household finances and a story about failing to make the right choice… I’m embarrassed that I end up talking in such a gloomy, heavy way… Even though there are countless people out there who have endured hardships in skating beyond what I’ve gone through…
“Why didn’t I say I wanted to go skating?”
I find this particular manga panel captivating. Tsurumaikada’s mise en scene depicting Tsukasa’s hopes and struggles. The crane origamis… for one.
In Japan, the crane, or tsuru, is a national treasure and is considered the bird of happiness. It is depicted in art, literature, and mythology as a symbol of good luck and longevity because it is said to live 1,000 years. An ancient Japanese legend promises that when you fold a thousand origami cranes, you will be granted a wish by the sacred crane.
In more recent years, the crane has become a symbol of peace, hope, and healing during challenging times.
A darkened room and the TV serving as the light. Tsukasa’s eyes glued on it. Full of concentration and amazement as if stranded in time. He’s surrounded with detritus of life. Not luxury. Not at all. (Tad being dramatic. Sorry. I got carried away.)
Score 59 spoilers from here on.
(Kinda longish and pictures-heavy)
As the chapter delved into Tsukasa’s past, this comes not quite so much as a surprise, especially if we consider the merch they put out (T mostly in a suit and well-groomed), but Tsukasa in order to finance his dream also worked as a host in a club /cabaret even before he turned 20 years old. That spawned his reluctance to drink alcohol as he’s seen them often in his former job. One of the many odd jobs he’d taken including an employee of a moving company supporting himself to finance his skating.
We know that he had difficulty at home telling his parents his decision to go skating due to poverty along with other three brothers, Ken (Takeru) being the youngest. But it was more than that.
He seems to be close with his dad, who had to quit his job due to his deteriorating mental health (burnout?). As he stayed home, which made Tsukasa appreciate it, his wife meanwhile had to go to work when Tsukasa was around 11 or 12 years old.
Now the blurred lines of words from Mr. Akeuraji (the senior), I have a theory: Daddy Akeuraji instilled in young Tsukasa not to rely on people’s help (especially money) outside of the family spectrum so as not to lose one’s self-respect. The reason he’s refused help from Coach Sho and Kago-san.
Volume 11
Now, Coach Sho, Hitomi’s devoted father has been Tsukasa’s No. 1 believer. He’s seen the young man’s dedication and talent. How many times he told Tsukasa that he could lean on him? He knew about the odd jobs when he was not even a legal adult and his determination. In the end, he advised him to stop chasing after that dream if it only harmed himself. T’s reluctance to even mention Sho Takamine as his mentor and the only coach stemmed from that shame T couldn’t shake off. Now, I understand why Hitomi kept on drilling to T’s head not to shower Inori favouritism during the first season. Sho was willing to reduce the skating fees for T and all just to make sure that he continued skating.
Volume 9
So I truly understand Tsukasa’s reaction lambasting Hikaru on this chapter, who arrogantly talked about sacrifices as if she had seen them all. This particular scene made me lose interest in her partly. I know that she has her reasons and she loves Inori, but man, she was annoying here. (Ach, preteens…) She’d never experienced Tsukasa’s hardships at all. After you read Chapter 59.
The last pages of the chapter would make Tsukasa-Koichi Kago shippers (heya @kaiakasukidesu & @iced-yuzu-tea, I also consider it. I am just keeping quiet about it bc am loyal to the more toxic YodaTsuka) happy or even vindicated. Sort of.
It is all thanks to Yoh Kago. My opinion of her changes. I know that she isn’t an all-out spoiled brat. She only has the looks of it. But in truth she’s a good observant. She’s good at observing her surroundings, her own family. Come to think of it, she considers T as part of it. She knows Tsukasa’s reluctance to talk about his financial problems bc he abhors being a burden. And her own dad who respects Tsukasa’s avoidance. She knows them too well.
Yoh Kago: My Dad… he had always seemed like he wanted to talk with Tsukasa-kun, so I thought it would be better to leave them alone— and I got Kouhei-kun involved. Sorry. Those people only talk about me when I’m around.
Then you have the last illustration being the pond with water lilies floating around it in the evening where Tsukasa and Kago-san will visit and finally talk about the issues surrounding T’s past and Kago-san’s desires (to support him). A heart to heart talk, mind.
PS: I might write a second part as I barely touched on the subject of T’s ethos of coaching Inori and how it affects them both. He’s been talking to Miho Kanayumi, the medical trainer T begged to join his club as they tried to analyse T’s behaviour. She also acts as a psychologist which certainly helps T to compartmentalise the wrongs from the rights due to his memories.
Score 28: The Vanishing Surface, Episode 22: It Begins (manga and anime)
That stark difference. Tsukasa and Jun, their phones.
Jun, who breaks his phones when he’s angry and/or if his peace is disturbed by a ring of a telephone. He can get a thousand new phones whenever he wants. (He does these things, methinks, out of spite. Breaking his phones.)
Hikaru Kamisaki even gifted him a durable smartphone case in the event of he wants to destroy again his phone on his birthday.
Whereas…
Tsukasa, who has the habit not to throw away things unless they really don’t function anymore. That’s the case with his phone’s broken glass. And the socks with holes from Mr. Kago, and other hand-me-downs.
That’s how Tsukasa is. That’s how poverty makes him value things.
Score 59: Memories of a distant past
So all this talk about sacrifice fizzles out bc Tsukasa has been sacrificing himself all his life.
(The new chapter, Tsurumaikada, is making me sad.)
