Back in Town Chapter Nine is here!
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“I’ve already told you that all this,” he gestured vaguely and Harvey took it to mean the past month he had spent moping in his apartment, “hasn’t been about Rachel, it’s been about me and my pride. I already knew that, but when Donna told me Rachel was doing great I expected to have some feeling of anger, or jealousy, or resentment, or something. But I didn’t, I was happy for her. We let go of each other a long time ago. I’m not telling you this to keep beating the same drum, I’m telling you so that your obsessive conscious when it comes to other people’s relationships is clear. You’re not taking advantage of me. I never told you this, but one of the reasons Rachel wanted to leave New York was because of you.”
That caught Harvey by surprise. He had never had the same relationship with Rachel as he had with Mike, despite taking her on as his associate at one point. True, there was something he didn’t recognize that kept him from feeling the same closeness to her he shared with the rest of their Pearson Specter Litt family; but they had always been polite to one another.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“She said that as long as we were here I would always put you first. Above myself and above her. And I couldn’t really fault her for it, because I had always put you first. No matter what, if you asked for something, I knew if I was here I would always, always come running no matter what. And she was my wife, she deserved to be first. But the thing is, I never actually thought about it. I probably should have taken a second and let that be a red flag. Harvey if I ever need help, you are the person I think of first. Because I know that you would move Heaven and Earth for me. Hell, you have moved Heaven and Earth for me. More than once. You are the person that believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself. You’re the one who has always pushed me to be better than I thought I could. You make me feel safe, and wanted, and worth it. All those years at the firm I felt more alive and fulfilled than I ever thought imaginable. I thought it was because I was finally doing what I loved in being a lawyer. But then I moved to California, and I was practicing law, legally I might add, and that feeling was gone. And Harvey, I don’t think it was being a lawyer that made me feel whole again, I think it was you.
