Humans are weird: SCP List Part 3
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Alien: What kind of monster is that? Human: We call it the heart of darkness. Alien: What hideous flesh it has. Human: It's actually a cow heart with legs. Alien: What is a cow? Human: It's a domesticated farm animal. Human: We ate one for lunch as burgers. Alien: No wonder your species. Alien: you eat evil for lunch. ---------------------------------- Alien: What harm could a old picture device do? Human: When it's in a room filled with items made before 1950, nothing. Alien: And if it is not? Human: Then it will display graphic images of such horrific nature that you are likely to kill yourself to make it stop. Alien: Does not modern television do the same thing? Human: Only if you watch fox news. ---------------------------------- Alien: A greenhouse that brings plants to life? Human: Imagine a disney movie and that about sums it up. Human: Except some of the plants treat humans like flowers. Alien: Is that bad? Human: You ever pick a daisy? Alien: Oh....... ----------------------------------- Alien: It is just a coat. Human: Oh really? *Numerous arms suddenly appear from inside the coat* Human: One might say it comes in....handy. *One of the protruding arms proceeds to slap human* ----------------------------------- Alien: How is being invisible note worthy? Alien: I can do that. *Proceeds to turn invisible* Human: Because this woman can turn anything that enters her body invisible as well. Human: She's also a kleptomaniac so it's good to keep an eye on her. Alien: But she'- Human: Yes I know. Human: Realized it the moment I said it. ----------------------------------- Alien: This looks like an ordinary hallway. Human: Have you learned nothing from your time here? Human: If it looks normal it means it must be extremely dangerous. Alien: Fine, fine; what's wrong with it then? Human: It plays on your desires and fears with each door you open. Alien: Meaning? Human: One door could open to a long lost love waiting for you, and another opens to your worst day of your life. Alien: How do you distinguish? Human: No idea; everyone we've sent in either has died or refuses to come back. ----------------------------------- Alien: Sleeping pills? Human: Whatever happens in the dream appears to effect your body in the real world? Alien: How could that be bad? Human: You've never seen nightmare on elm street have you? -----------------------------------
Alien: Crystal butterflies? Human: You stay away from those fuckers. Alien: You are scared of butterflies? Human: They got loose once and 21 of those fuckers murder 21 people. Alien: Murder flies then. Alien: Yes, I will avoid them. ------------------------------------ Alien: Let me guess, this is an evil cloud. Human: Yes. Alien: How can a cloud be evil? Human: It actively eats anything it should completely engulf. Alien: Anything? Human: Anything. ------------------------------------ Alien: Is this not a toy gun from a human game company? Human: It is, but if you shoot it at a tv screen what ever is on the tv will react. Alien: I don't follow. Human: Watch. *turns on tv to soap opera* *Points gun and shoots at screen* *One soap opera character drops dead to the ground while the rest begin screaming* Alien: Was that not scripted? Human: No. Alien: Is that actor really dead? Human: Only in the context of the tv show, not the real world. Alien: Could I borrow it? Human: Why? Alien: I have recently been reading some fanfics I want to enact. Human: No, you can not shoot Rainbow Dash. Alien: Come on!!!!!