Alright, humes? I was a bit disappointed by ITV1's new two-part thriller The Poison Tree. When I saw the title, I thought it was actually going to involve humes being terrorised by a monstrous tree, hell-bent on bloodshed and revenge, but it turned out to be nothing of the sort. In fact, trees barely featured at all in tonight's opener. What a swizz!
Instead, it's about a po-faced woman whose partner has just come out of prison, having served 12 years for a crime he didn't commit. Along with their daughter, the pair just want to start a new life in their remote seaside cottage. Can I ask you something, humes? Why do you lot always insist on moving somewhere remote after a trauma? From what I've seen in TV dramas, no good ever comes of it. You're better off taking your chances among the urban sprawl and noisy nuisances of a big city, I reckon.
Anyway, Po-Face and co have got no chance of starting afresh as someone's clearly watching them and knows Po-Face's darkest secrets - the details of which were still a bit sketchy at the end of this episode. I'll be honest with you, humes: I wasn't particularly captivated by the story. I spent most of the hour having a good old scratch-and-sniff session, and nipped outside for a poo during the second ad break.
But the pace definitely picked up in the last five minutes - so it's got me sufficiently interested to tune in next week to find out what happens. Unless there's something better on one of the other channels, of course...
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