#screaminginvain

[screaminginvain]

drunk on a monday

[screaminginvain]

i wanna be the one u drunk text

[screaminginvain]

im so high and i miss u

[screaminginvain]

If you need anything

Let me know

Please

I promise

But how do I say that I don't need bread

Or soup

Or wine

I need to laugh

To talk

To cry

To be held and told everything's okay

[blackballoonanimal-blog]

THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS

Christmas... It's a time of giving, not receiving. It's a time to be near to the ones we love, a time to put others before yourself, a time to be charitable and consider those who are less fortunate. I believe that Christmas can tell you a lot about a person. How kind they are, how giving or selfless. However, with those emotions aside... Christmas is that magical time of year when it's cold as hell, the beautiful green grass is covered in cold, white, wet ICE and people (especially in Utah) forget how to F'in drive!! It's that time of year when you spend more money than you have, you put a fake smile on and act like you enjoy the season when really you can't wait for that fat little gopher to poke his chubby little ass out of his hidey hole and see his shadow  assuring you that the end of the white nightmare is drawing to an end. Although there will always be reasons for me to dislike Christmas, as long as I have Children and a family under my roof I will always do my best to put my best foot forward, to do my best to make sure there are a few presents under the tree and that we spend some quality time together. So... Whatever Christmas is to you just remember one thing... NO ONE CARES! It's not always all about you asshole! Think of the kids before you say bahhumbug! SELFISH! ha

[blackballoonanimal-blog]

Lookin for a miracle

OK, so I know I rant and rave about meaningless shit and you can hate me if you want to. But I have always been curious as to why, in modern times, have we not had any real miracles of worth. What I mean by that is, way back in the day we have Abraham leading his people to the promised land by a voice, then the whole Sodom and Gomorrah thing happened, the burning bush, Noah's big ass arc, Moses parting the red sea... you get the point. Anyways, if all that shit supposedly happened, then can someone explain to me why nothing like that has happened in over 1000 years to restore our faith? I am not saying that those things didn't happen and I'm definitely not saying there isn't a higher power out there somewhere. I have been hoping for some sign of biblical proportion to wash away all doubt and restore humanity's faith in... Anything really. So, if you see something worth sharing... Please by all means... Do it!

[blackballoonanimal-blog]

Just a little blind faith

Where will I go when I close my eyes for the last time? Will I wake to the sound of angels playing harps and bugles in front of pearly gates that contain a mansion made of gold for one and all who pass through St. Peters V.I.P. entrance? Or will I hear only screams like nails on a chalkboard playing over and over broken record style in my mind until my ears feel like bursting and I can't seem to draw a breath because the stench of dead everything is everywhere? Nay, I think that when my time comes I will experience neither Heavenly tunes nor fire and brimstone. I fear that what may happen to us when we pass is sort of like a television set when you get tired of watching it. One second you are snuggled up next to someone you care about, watching a classic drama that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The next second the movie is over and the credits are rolling down the screen, you glance at the clock on the wall and realize that it is far later than you thought it was, you have work in less than 6 hours! So, you grab the remote control, point it directly at the big 58'' flat screen set that has given you so many great HD memories and just like that... "Click"... the world you were just enjoying seconds earlier has now become a black abyss with nothing to display except for perhaps the reflection of a small lamp in the background. I feel that life is similar, in that we may be living an academy award winning life up until the moment that... We aren't! As scary as that sounds, I wouldn't mind half as much if I knew for 100% certainty that the journey wasn't just over when the lights go out. I mean there's gotta be more to life than just a physical 80 year experience right? Otherwise, what's the point? I don't want to end up as worm food after the curtains fall and the stars fade. But who can tell us any different and give that with a guarantee? Wish I knew, wish I had answers. I'll find out someday I suppose, until then I'll just keep channel surfing through life, never stopping for commercials and always sticking to the premium channels!

[blackballoonanimal-blog]

The Little Man In My Head Pt.2

I was 20 years young when I met the woman I now call my wife. I can't begin to tell you the roller coaster ride we've been on together. We've had ups and downs wrongs and rights. We've put our vows to the test time and again. In sickness and in health don't have shit on the things we've been through. I should rephrase, I mean the shit I've put her through. Where was that little man that used to tell me when I was making a mistake or the good advice he used to give just before I made a huge Fluck up! Well I can answer that question. The little man that used to be my Jiminy Cricket had returned, only I had not recognized him as one in the same due to the complete 180 in moral turpitude the man had made. The man in my head now wasn't a angel on my shoulder, but rather a devil in disguise, a sheep in wolves clothing. Damn it, I should have known. The voice was now in the drivers seat, and had he been there long? If so, just HOW long had he been making the decisions? This bastard was the guy your parents try to warn you about, his moral compass is so messed up that if he fell out of an airplane he'd be lucky to find his way to the ground. What makes this man so evil? What made him change? Is it even the same little man from years past? I haven't been able to give myself a straight answer on any of the above. I do know this much though, he doesn't seem to like my wife all that much. I can tell by the things he says to her sometimes. He acts real tough like it doesn't phase him to hurt her the way he does, but I know deep down it's just an act. I had damn near silenced him with the help of a little blue pill called Zoloft, but when I ran out of ammunition, he started right back up. I really hope that my Wife can see who's pullin the strings, I have tried to explain the way I feel but I don't think she cares anymore. I've subconsciously pulled the pin on a grenade that fully intends to ruin my marriage, among other things. Damn you little man in my head! Go destroy another life. You've caused enough carnage in my world. You have made my thunder buddy not love me anymore. Congratulations, you win, I give I give, ollie ollie oxen free. I am undone.