"I'm right behind ya, watchin' yer back. You just set your sights on the next big score."
"Far as I'm concerned, us NukaWorld Raiders hit the jackpot when you beat Colter. Ain't nobody toppin' that performance. Now you're takin' off like that big 'ol Nuka Rocket and we're plantin' flags all over what's gonna be the Nukaworld Commonwealth."
"Nu-Kommonwealth, Gage. With a K. I'll show you what Overboss really means."
Roy Mustang thought himself funny. He prided himself on being fluent in Amestrian, Xingese and Sarcasm and was even prouder of his tongue for earning him the reputation of witty smart ass as well as oral sex God. Today however he found out it could backfire.
It wasn't the first time his charm had granted him unwanted attention. That Prince Claudio tried to pass off his ass-pinching as a custom of his people, fangirls developed nosebleeds whenever he spoke in public or on the radio and there was that aisle at the bookstore dedicated entirely to Flame Alchemist doujinshi. It was different today, this humorless woman was from Human Resources and not amused by him in the least.
"Do you think this is funny Colonel Mustang?"
"Clearly." he replied as she waved his insurance paperwork in his face. He had filed out the form and put "Yes please" on the line asking for Sex/gender.
"It's male or female, those are the only options."
“That's very narrow minded of you.” He muttered. “Maybe you should pay more attention in those tolerance seminars you make us sit through.”
She slammed her purse on the desk and leaned over and growled, “I swear to God, Colonel if you mock me or my profession again I will paper cut your balls right off. Then you can create a whole new box in the gender column that says , 'Neither'.”
He flinched and heard Falman and Fuery squeak and scramble away from his desk behind him as she slammed her fist into the desk. He picked up the phone and gave her a nervous chuckle. “I'll call down to HR now and tell them to send up another form.”
“You think I am joking Colonel? I once shaved the hair off Grumman's scrotum using nothing but Index cards!”
Roy started to sob. The image in his head from that statement actually made a part of his brain die.
Breda turned his back and sighed. God he wished he could have a woman like that yell at him and threaten his genitalia. Instead he was over here in the corner trying to hide his erection under the flap of his uniform trousers. He wished he had someone, just someone, who would ship him with woman. A great girl who enjoyed sandwiches and his Armstrong cosplay. Why did nobody love him?
“You're not my supervisor!!!” Roy screamed and sobbed as he tried to dial someone for help. Why? Why would anyone talk about Grumman like that? Where was Hawkeye, where was his precious Riza to save him from this crazy bitch!?
