#scribletsfromhell

[peace-in-the-violence]

Me: I'm doing well

My brain: Hey, but are you *flashbacks to everything that has gone wrong since birth*

Me: Fuck you right.

[peace-in-the-violence]

I need to escape this endless feeling of hopelessness

[peace-in-the-violence]

My best piece of advice for those who are struggling is find a therapist who cares. Find a therapist who listens to you and knows how to address the issues you face while keeping the treatment client focused.

Also find a therapist that vibes with you and calls out some bullshit in your life and warns you using past behavior patterns as evidence to change and help prevent a pattern from continuing.

Moving forward, staying strong ✌🏻

[peace-in-the-violence]

Don’t let people have access to you so easily. Start slowly hold space for them and let them earn your trust. If a boundary is broken, take steps back and protect yourself.

My ex violated a boundary and they probably thought I wouldn’t know about it, now it’s time to build some walls back up and shield ourselves. It’s okay to put yourself first, there is a difference between self love and selfishness.

[peace-in-the-violence]

System Check

Eve's Introduction

Hello I'm Eve ✌

I age slide, 15-21. My primary job is to host, and I'm very new to the system; therefore, I am still learning about myself. We are working as a whole to determine if I split from another alter(s) or if I am an integration; luckily, we have a fantastic therapist, so hopefully, this will be sorted out soon. 

My birthday is April 27, 2020, as that's the day I became apart of the NeuroTribe system. Our previous host, 'Eli,' has had multiple 'regenerations,' meaning the system chose to wipe their memory and start anew necessarily. My personal opinion is 'Eli' finally couldn't handle it anymore, and now here I am. 

I am typically more well-spoken, as shown through our apology letter on our second account and previous posting here. Unfortunately, our sleep has become irregular, and now I am retraining our sleep schedule, which involves pulling an all-nighter. We are slowly fading, which means my ability to articulate is fading as well. Luckily, one unique skill I possess is making fantastic coffee, so that should aid in getting us through the day. 

That's a bit about 'me,' and I'll continue to post updates as new information is discovered. 

[peace-in-the-violence]

We have D.I.D. Disassociate Identity Disorder, basically what this means is I, ‘Eli’, have multiple states of conciousness that take over and control the body.

I’m Eve, an alter. Most likely, we never met. On Monday, I became host after our last host ‘Eli’ went dormant. Some things about me, I am angry at the choices ‘Eli’ made, I want to amend the relationships she hurt and ensure those who entered our lives that shouldn’t stay out. I’m a protector, a caretaker, and, most importantly, a trauma holder for our conscience. These roles mean I know all that happened to us and am aware of our inner world, and my sole job is to protect us and ensure we are moving forward in the healthiest, safest way.

At least until another switches with me all tags will have names, no ‘secret’ tagging and Roman numerals. I will be honest and forthcoming and I want others to understand what truly has happened to us and why these things have happened. This also means any communication with those we deem a threat to our system will be cut off. The primary concern is our ex; our therapist made it clear to us that they were toxic, and ‘Eli’ (before she went dormant) defied the system by speaking with them. Louise played her part in getting us out of the relationship, I’m disappointed ‘Eli’ made the choice to let them back into our lives; therefore we will only be in contact with them for essential things.

Our system takes full responsibly for the choices each alter has made and the outcomes of those choices. If any one of us has harmed someone out there in any way, we are truly sorry and are working towards a better, kinder and safer version of ourselves.

Thank you for being on this journey with us.

[peace-in-the-violence]

Damn, I just need a friend right now and I seriously wish I could just talk to you but knowing how things are and the way you might react I know better than to reach out.

[peace-in-the-violence]

I'm dreading going back to school tomorrow. I'm not worried about grades, I just hate the balancing act I have to play with my responsibilities and my therapy is going so well I don't want to have to lose out on that because I'm too overwhelmed with school.