#script critique

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O Valor do Choque como Substituto para o Desenvolvimento de Personagens

(Vazamentos do EP1) Acho que precisamos falar seriamente sobre o vazamento da conta Woke the Dragon (efcd4999-cd1e-4ccb-bc41-997873f03f02-1_all_5355.jpg) e o que ele sinaliza sobre a direção criativa da série. Além do óbvio desconforto da cena descrita, existe uma falha estrutural crônica na sala dos roteiristas que essa escolha expõe: a incapacidade de gerar tensão dramática sem recorrer ao sensacionalismo e a fetiches visuais.

Abaixo, apresento alguns pontos sobre por que essa dinâmica sugerida entre Aemond e Alicent falha em um nível puramente narrativo.

Reduzindo Conflitos Políticos a Complexos Freudianos: O universo de Westeros sempre foi implacável e cruel, mas a crueldade e a dinâmica perturbadora (como o incesto Targaryen) no material original servem a propósitos políticos, dinásticos e religiosos muito claros. Quando o roteiro decide que um momento de despedida entre Aemond e sua mãe precisa culminar em um beijo forçado que deixa Alicent "aterrorizada", a série abandona a alta política e a tragédia da guerra para flertar com um melodrama barato e chocante. Os roteiristas parecem acreditar que, para mostrar que Aemond é instável ou perigoso, ele precisa transgredir tabus sexuais/familiares, o que é um recurso narrativo incrivelmente preguiçoso.

Alicent Hightower e a Narrativa de Abuso Psicológico Constante: A trajetória de Alicent já é profundamente marcada por uma total falta de controle sobre o próprio corpo — desde ser usada pelo pai ainda jovem até seu casamento com Viserys. Introduzir uma dinâmica em que seu próprio filho viola seu espaço e limites, desencadeando o "terror" mencionado no vazamento, não constrói sua personagem; apenas a submete a mais um ciclo de abuso explícito e desnecessário. Se a intenção era mostrar o isolamento de Alicent e sua perda de controle sobre os filhos que ela mesma criou para serem armas, isso poderia ter sido alcançado por meio de diálogo, desprezo político ou insubordinação militar. O beijo forçado reduz uma queda política a um espetáculo de humilhação doméstica.

A "Caricatura" de Aemond Targaryen: Aemond tinha tudo para ser um dos personagens mais complexos e ameaçadores da temporada: o segundo filho que reivindicou o maior dragão do mundo, que carrega o peso de ter iniciado uma guerra acidentalmente e que busca constantemente provar seu valor. Ao atribuir-lhe essas características que beiram a fetichização (primeiro a obsessão quase filial por Sylva e agora essa ação contra a própria mãe), o roteiro corre o risco de transformá-lo em uma caricatura — como um "vilão de anime assustador" — em vez de um jovem general trágico e implacável. A presença imponente do personagem é sacrificada apenas para provocar repulsa instantânea no público nas redes sociais.

Em última análise, esse tipo de escolha reflete uma mentalidade da era do streaming.O roteiro não foi escrito para fazer sentido a longo prazo dentro do arco de um personagem, mas sim para criar o enquadramento perfeito que se tornará viral e chocará o espectador no domingo à noite. É o triunfo do "valor de choque" sobre a coerência temática.

[risingsignals]

Screenplay Critique: Up in the Air

My act breakdown of Up in the Air, by Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner, is 1161 words, so I'll try to do an abbreviated version here. If you break the structure down, the act breaks are clear and on page numbers you'd expect.

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ACT 1: The first ten or so pages sets up Ryan's philosophy toward life and his character. The lightning begins to strike on page 13 when the main character Ryan's family, from whom he has remained distant, wants him to help with his sister's wedding. On page 16 he makes a connection with Alex, a woman with his same attitude toward life. So when on page 28 we learn his job is in jeopardy, we know exactly what that means: he'll have to be a part of the family he doesn't like, and he won't get to see Alex.

ACT 2A: The first half of Act 2 is spent trying to win his job back. He takes Natalie, the person who wants to replace his job with computers, out on the road to teach her how things are done. As they go he learns more about her and she questions his reasoning behind always being on the go. He continues his relationship with Alex via phone, and the reactions of the people they fire get progressively worse.

ACT 2B: On page 58, Natalie's boyfriend leaves her. Suddenly she is in the place Ryan was in. At the same time, Alex shows up and Ryan finds himself traveling down the road of which Natalie just reached the end. While talking Natalie gives perspective on how ridiculous Ryan's mindset toward life is.

The middle of Act 2B comes on page 73. Natalie and Ryan arrive in Detroit to find a trial setup of Natalie's new technology. Ryan is now her coach. She makes it through and Ryan is proud of her—but the end of the road has finally come. His job really is coming to end.

But something Natalie mentioned makes Ryan do something he normally wouldn't. He goes after Alex. He asks her to come to his sister's wedding. He's going to join his family (something he has avoided) with a significant other (another thing he's avoided). 

She says yes and they go. We see him interact with his family—a very different environment than what we're used to. He used to be at ease and in charge; now he's awkward and wants to run. In the midst of it, he spends time with Alex. Their connection gets closer.

ACT 3: Then on page 92, the groom has second thoughts. Ryan's sister needs him, but he has to somehow convince the groom to do what Ryan has never done nor seen the point of. In a way, Ryan has to unfire him. As he talks, Ryan realizes that "everybody needs a copilot." The wedding is back on, and we see Ryan and Alex—pilot and copilot.

Ryan returns to work to find his job officially replaced. Natalie is up and running and "he can only watch." He goes after Alex—and discovers that she is married. As he flies home, he hits the goal mentioned early in the film of reaching a number of air miles. 

He finds out Natalie quit the job and the company wants him back in the air. His old life wants him back, but he's changed. He can't do it. He helps out his sister and Natalie, and uses his new air miles to pick a new destination.

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What stood out to me about Up in the Air was that it was simply life that got in the Ryan's way. There wasn't a typical bad guy. Rather, it was a man whose career changes and he has to deal with the relationships in his life.

Act 1 introduced the elements, Act 2A saw Ryan struggling to keep his old life, Act 2B he begins to change as he sees other lives and finds something he loves, and when everything falls apart in Act 3, he comes out the other end helping people and off on an adventure.

[risingsignals]

Screenplay Critique: The Prestige

The biggest thing that stood out to me about The Prestige, by Jonathan and Christopher Nolan, was the pacing. The script moves forward relentlessly, pulling you from one scene to the next. 

One way the Nolan brothers achieve this is by the overlapping time periods. There is 1) the time of the present, where Borden is on trial, 2) the time of Angier in Colorado, as told to Borden through Angier's journal, 3) the time of Borden when the two were together, as told to Angier through Borden's journal. 

Jeepers, just figuring that out is confusing. The way the Nolan brothers were able to interweave the three time periods is really good. It keeps the audience engaged as they work to figure out who is writing when and how the story works together. I think the story would still be interesting if told chronologically, but the mystery element is heightened by the criss-crossing of story lines. It also makes the story feel like a magic trick. You're trying to figure it out the whole time.

Another thing that affected the pacing was the timing at which new developments came in the story. Whenever a change happened in the story—a new discovery, a puzzle Angier and Borden had to figure out, an obstacle to overcome—I glanced at the page count and found it to be about every five pages. The feeling of things shifted every five pages really keeps the story moving forward.

The Nolan brothers also did a great job at putting the characters at odds with each other. How do two friends who work together and are going after the same thing become such enemies? There are moments of choice throughout the script when each character responds to something the other did that escalates the stakes in the film until they are literally killing each other. 

Things I learned:

Try to have something shift in the story every five pages. Not because that's the correct mathematical way of doing it, or the right form, but because I like the pacing of it.

Don't just think chronologically. Go further than that. See if you can intercut between time periods in a way that enhances the feeling of the film.

Tension between characters doesn't necessarily start big. It can start small and each decision the characters make drives the wedge just a little deeper and widens the crack.

[criticalfunhouse]

Critique for Daniel

First, I feel as though, as angry as the character is in the beginning, he would be listening to more intense music.  Mood usually affects what we're listening to.

I also think the voice-over is unnecessary, which is something we discussed in class.  We'll know how Riley's feeling based on his expressions, actions, and what's going on around him.

Favorite part of the entire script was the stepdad's dialogue to the mother.  Not sure if it was humorously written, or if Alex just performed it well, or both, but it was hilarious and got the point across.

Something I didn't like—the fact that the old man was lying in the form of a cross.  It came across as ridiculous and super over-the-top, plus unrealistic if he was just in a car crash.  You're going to reveal the man's beliefs in the ensuing dialogue, so this is unnecessary anyway.

I also feel the whole interaction between the man and the kid should be reworked a lot, for several reasons:

-The kid is seventeen, but he's being spoken to as if he's never heard of Christianity.  Furthermore, whether he's a Christian or not, he would know the answers to many of the questions he asked already.  Unless the character's retarded or six, he'd also ask better questions.

-There's no way the kid would immediately be so interested in Christianity, either.  There would've been plenty of opportunities leading up to that point in his life for him to find out more about it, so for him to suddenly want to know everything and more about Christianity and the bible, et cetera, just wouldn't happen.  He would've already researched those questions.  As it stands the main character just isn't believable.

-Another problem I had was with the old man.  If Riley just saved the man's life and was taking him to a hospital and the man immediately starts talking about Jesus and nothing else and continues on as such for the rest of the ride, Riley would take everything the man said with a grain of salt.  He would think he was a crazy old religious proselytizer.  Which would be true.

-Also, being forced into things was what made him leave home, so I highly doubt he'd immediately be so receptive to someone trying to force him into any religion.

-The dialogue between the man and Riley is meant to be very heavy and have a profound effect on Riley, but the answers the man provides are pretty pat answers and wouldn't really convince a non-believer.

Overall I think it would help if you had a clearer idea of a message you were trying to get across, or a main goal.  Or, if you have one, just try to make it clearer.  Approach fewer grand ideas, instead choosing to focus on a couple small ones more in-depth.  Try to put yourself into the eyes of Riley or ask someone else how he'd react in the same situation and use that as Riley's initial reaction before gradually becoming more receptive to the ideas of the old man.  Have the old man portray his views in a more convincing manner, and in such a way that they would genuinely interest someone instead of in a way that would have the listener dismiss him completely as obnoxious and crazy.