Daily excerpt from today's writing, chapter 21 of Underline the Blue:
His fingers were cold. In a single moment, hardly concentrating, he dropped the kettle that was half-full of water and still warm, and it fell with a dull thunk! onto his foot. Nate felt the pain from a distance, but the corresponding rush of fury and hatred towards himself was so bright he could have slammed his fingertips against the counter and broken every single one. Janusz started to say something, and Nate sucked down one shaking breath, hands clenching into fists as pain radiated up his ankle. ‘Why can’t I do anything right?’ Nate hissed at himself. ‘I’m such a- I’m such a piece of shit. Why isn’t anyone making me do the right things?!’ His whole body tensed, and Janusz got up and was walking towards him. Nate felt sick with fear, sick with the retribution that might be coming, and angry too, angry that Janusz was going to talk him down and tell him it was okay. ‘It’s not okay,’ Nate said, like Janusz had spoken. ‘Your foot, Nate,’ Janusz said. ‘I don’t care about my foot!’ Nate shouted, turning to prove he could, moving the sore foot and realising it was probably bruised and that nothing was broken, and disappointed, so disappointed that he hadn’t shattered himself, because he was so angry and furious at his own broken self, it was the least he deserved. ‘I don’t care! And you’re an asshole for caring! Why can’t you make me be better? I’m supposed to- I’m supposed to do things! Things that help! What the fuck is the purpose of this place? Are you all just trying to remind me of how fucking worthless I am? Is that it? Huh? Is that your secret, Janusz?’
