#sdfgsdf

[starshinenoa]

Hey sun!do you wanna see my drawing of you?*hands picture*

It’s really avantgarde!

[pontevoix]

headcanons meme : requested by @mindsafe

uri & kenny

there is no good way to start the initial negotiations between the pair of them. uri is king, & kenny is ackerman. both of them wave a white flag, & the work that uri has for kenny is bloody. the first time that uri asks him to perform a job, uri apologizes - not for the task itself, but for the things he has asked.

uri never really liked for kenny to see his preaching. it felt too much like a farce exposed -- this was something that uri didn't articulate even to kenny. his job was to sell a belief & to belief. he felt that it could do too much damage to expose his own doubts. perhaps this was proof of his arrogance.

kenny remembers names better that uri does - of people & animals. however, uri is better at remembering faces than kenny is. he rarely remembers to look at animals unless they are pointed out to him. it's been a subject of debate between the two of them, mostly in regard to horses & in modern !, the prospect of pets.

modern ! by uri's request, kenny did try to teach uri how to fight. they both respected each other a little less at the end of the sparring session because it was not particularly effective teaching or particularly good learning. they have since recovered.

modern ! kenny makes a habit of buying gifts for uri at random ass gas stations which means they have a lot of ugly ass magnets featuring camouflage that both of them think is tacky. kenny says that's half the charm though, mostly to see if he can get uri to try to criticize the gifts. he never does.

bert & annie

modern ! bert is annie's most reliable uber service. if he can't quite make it because of other work, he lets reiner drive his car which . . . honestly makes him more jittery than he'd like to admit. he doesn't like anyone but him to drive his car. he asks annie to text him updates when reiner picks her up.

bert 100% felt like he had some sort of understanding with annie when they were candidates. they both felt somewhat peripheral to things & had family with connections to marley's colonies. it is unclear whether this was a mutual feeling - at least until they were both inheritors.

annie does not know that the prospect of her suffering was weaponized against bertolt ( & reiner ) both by the scouts ( here's to you, armin ) & by zeke.

bertolt & annie & reiner have all been hangry together. they & their titans all burn a fair amount of energy. when bert & annie get hangry together, they don't even project it on one another. they just get huffy in different corners of a shared space.

modern ! annie does bertolt a favor & pretends that she doesn't know bertolt smokes as regularly as he does. she does not do reiner the same favor.

armin & annie

honestly they kinda suck so they don't have a first date exactly. they just time going to professional dinners & fundraisers in such a way that they can meet one another by convenience. at least, that way they can have reason enough to walk together afterwards & figure out another meet up. it's not a first date though.

armin makes a wrong turn when they're going somewhere together & covers it up by saying ' there's no such thing as wrong turns. ' annie simultaneously wants to kill him & also doesn't argue with it.

the pair of them don't talk about bertolt. armin has mentioned him, & he regrets it.

modern ! embarrassingly, annie finds armin charming when he has a vr set on & tries to play light saber. he's not all that great at rhythm games.

modern ! they exchange burned cds with one another even in an era when no one actually usually uses a cd player.

marlo & hitch

marlo genuinely & honest to god has no idea what hitch is talking about half of the time. to be fair, hitch ahs no idea what marlo is talking about half of the time. they keep meeting sometimes in the archives/records section where marlo volunteers ( volunteers ! ) for shifts, & honestly - marlo can never make good recommendations for her when she asks. they simply do not speak the same language.

marlo definitely recommended at least two poetry collections that included a fair amount of love poetry without processing. king of unclear signals, that one.

in canon, hitch has played a role in trying to protect marlo ( & his life ) from the consequences of his own brashness. once with annie, in their early days as mps. once alone, when presumedly, marlo was being attacked by jean kirstein. through events like these, hitch has gotten very accustomed to being protective of marlo. he does not now it.

modern ! hitch has listened to marlo's opinions on cryptocurrency far too often. her summary of his opinion: it's bad. he says that's probably a fair summation.

modern ! absolutely they love watching judge judy together. it came as a surprise.

leorio & kurapika

leorio has sent kurapika as many emails as he has left voicemails. they come irregulary because he has a habit of losing track of time, & voicemails tend to ramble more so than the emails - but he figures that maybe kurapika has a habit of checking one more so than the other.

tbh in all fairness not all the voicemails are intentional. kurapika has received more than a few voicemails from buttdialing. usually this means that kurapika hears their fair share of puns & jokes that 'seemed funny at the time.' most of the jokes don't even make sense.

leorio does not think that all of the decisions kurapika has made are justifiable, even if they are forgivable. he feels sometimes as though kurapika is choosing continued loss, & he doesn't understand why anyone would make that decision. he manages to be opinionated even if he is not judgmental.

modern ! leorio waits until the car's fuel tank is negatively empty to fill up because he has a favorite gas station, & kurapika is certain that leorio singlehandedly has given them trust issues because of this.

modern ! leorio has needed to borrow money from kurapika, & he hates it. he hates borrowing money.

hisoka & illumi

the first time that hisoka interfered in one of illumi's kills might not have been the first time. the zoldycks are hard to track, & so hisoka had not been a nuisance until he knew where to look. but before then, he had been timeless in the way that he always been. it guaranteed that he floated with surprising balance between the nobodies & the somebodies. at some point, he was made to be curious: what happens ? when you make an enemy of a nobody with the appropriate amount of money ? do they call in a somebody ?

hisoka prefers to add himself as a contact to others' phones. it gives him more time to be a spectator, to try to nose into hidden affairs. illumi had not granted him that courtesy, at first. hisoka had only been granted the courtesy of the family phone line. but then hisoka had continued to be a nuisance to the family line, & it was starting to be an embarrassment. sad!!

illumi has tried to educate hisoka on current events. hisoka proved to be a terrible student because he did not care.

modern ! illumi has not yet figured out that hisoka has programmed himself into illumi's phone face recognition. hisoka uses illumi's phone for doordash without permission.

modern ! neither can cook, actually. they make toast. illumi, because he doesn't know what else to do do. hisoka, because he can function on vary barebones meals.

erwin & kenny

erwin vc: join my band man kenny vc: hahah what a gay-ass lil man

[joewalshisokiguess]

[pontevoix]

regret is the most unfair thing that eren could say to him – & eren’s said it to him a million times. except for every time that he’s refused to admit anything at all. it’s easiest ( & childish sometimes ) to declare : 

i regret remembering. i regret that you met me. 

eren never declares upfront whether he regrets meetings now or in the past life, but they’re mostly the same thing. it’s the same type of grief overwriting itself across two lifetimes.

if they had never met the first time around, they never would have been part of a too-dependent set of three. then they might not have risen to a point where their names were bloody & revolutionary. 

this time around, this second time around – it doesn’t feel guaranteed that they were to have met. it was luck that said eren found him, wrote his number on a coffee cup too many times, chose him first before he could choose someone else. armin doesn’t take luck for granted.

he doesn’t regret meeting, once or twice. 

he doesn’t regret eren, once or twice.

he regrets things that he hadn’t been able to stop. he regrets the way he had agreed to the weight of heresy on his shoulders, & he regrets the lives lost.

eren regrets these things too. he regrets that he hadn’t been stopped earlier in his timeline.

but even so, eren has never been good with lying — not for the sake of lying. 

for all the regrets that they have, they never talk about the things that eren would be willing to repeat. after all, his regrets are born of different versions of benevolence that burn like acid at the back of the throat: guilt & love & love & guilt & anger & hurt. 

eren has a habit of holding people as sacred against his chest, understands them like a personal religion. it does not allow him to process that people are meant to be fleeting, that they cannot last forever.

it makes him afraid, most of the time. all of the time. 

armin forgets to handle it properly, forgets to communicate the right things early enough that it doesn’t sound like he’s writing the end. it comes up often enough when he travels – weekend trips, weeklong trips that can be soothed over with video calls & a gifted magnet with a crude slogan from the airport.

eren’s accumulating a small collection of magnets now, reading frightful things like wish you were beer! & a picture of jesus that says i saw that. 

but even then, the magnets are proof of leaving & proof of momentary loss — so it’s still a space for fear. eren keeps counting magnets on the refrigerator door & understanding that sometimes bruises hurt more than festering wounds. 

eren is bound by land, bound by home. all of his regrets set him in a place, in a time, in the momentum of everyones’ stories.

armin had been the mouthpiece for heresy, & he has worn it so earnestly that it’s laced against his heart — he always needs to move a little bit, needs to move a little more than that. 

bruises leave them melancholy, sometimes:  armin’s forehead pressed against the blade of eren’s shoulder as they stand together in the kitchen. eren waiting until they sit together so that he can make a pillow of armin’s lap, so they turn on the television so that it plays louder than the things they haven’t resolved.

recently, eren’s been enjoying the cooking channel. armin thinks it’s because he’s been using it to tell levi things that they shouldn’t do with the cafe. 

as far as armin can tell, levi has been watching the same shows but refusing to tell eren as much. 

bruises leave them desperate, sometimes – they kiss with open-mouths when eren invites armin to touch him deeper, to touch him like a demand instead of a dialogue. there’s too much indecision otherwise, & neither of them hold answers. so it’s a conversation that verges on begging, & it tastes like spit.

other times, bruised desperation morphs into some expression of anger or outrage or challenge. it’s smashed dishes & white powder thrown beneath running water. 

it’s a reminder of danger even if the threshold is never crossed. 

but there is one time that they argue – armin tries to sleep through it ( he has a flight upcoming ) – & they share a realization that sometimes their fights are not about the hurt from the first life. 

sometimes, the two of them are just like this. regretting & alive & loving & restless. 

eren wants to be restless with a home. armin says that he doesn’t feel restless if he moves; he needs to keep mothing. 

so in return:  eren says something true: he really could call it quits – if they don’t want the same thing. 

it’s a step too far because it’s one thing that wasn’t said to be hurtful. it’s a healthy thing to say, maybe. 

but still, eren surprises himself when he says it, too. he’s said over & over again that he worries about armin losing interest in him, getting bored, moving on.

the pair of them forgot that eren has always harbored less patience than armin.

armin sits up in bed. 

 eren won’t bore of him, but he might get impatient.

they break up for the first time. before that, it hadn’t occurred to them that they could break up.

armin takes his flight in the morning anyway. he doesn’t text or call anyone for a week while he travels, & he remembers an old version of himself. 

communication had been slow in the first life, for a while; phone calls had to be planned in advance because there was no number associated with him.

he buys a magnet anyway, when he comes home. it’s just a picture of the city. milwaukee looks great this time of year, apparently.

it stays packed in his work-bag, even when he returns home — armin’s own apartment is free of paint-splatters, & it’s made a habit of decorating itself with dust. so there is no assortment of magnets on the refrigerator door, & there’s no particular need to start a new routine.

so it’s mostly the same, for a while. because this is the world where it was never guaranteed that they would have met. it was luck that said eren found him, chose armin first.

armin doesn’t take it for granted. it’s still a rock at the back of his throat while he chases the same routines.

he still goes to the coffeeshop & makes his order.  

eren doesn’t expect to see him there, though. he doesn’t write his number on the back of a coffee cup for armin, but he serves him & doesn’t expect to see him.

sometimes bruises just leave them sad & separate –but that doesn’t mean they have to hold animosity. 

so armin forces his lips into a smile. 

he does his work. eren does his. 

they have had separate lives this time around.

they are not guaranteed.

but even so, habit has armin loiter until closing – the way he would if he were walking back home with eren afterwards. habit always makes him oblivious too – he never notices that it’s time for closing until levi swats him upside the head or eren kicks his ankles.

today, eren just clears his throat.

armin doesn’t hear him.

eren clears his throat again, & once more.

armin only hears him the third time, & it startles him into straight spine. 

eren hovers at the door because he can’t lock it yet, & he wants the night to end.

eren has never been good with lying — not for the sake of lying. he’s never been good at tempering impulse, but he’s always been good with regret.

so he speaks honestly now. 

‘ i miss you. i miss us, ‘ he offers, matter-of-fact. armin is sure that if he said the same thing aloud, his voice would teeter towards pitiful. 

they haven’t been separated that long. still, eren manages to keep his tone casual, because it’s not a bad thing to have regrets.

from @st4rsinclined: i miss you. i miss us. armin & eren

for a second, armin looks at him & thinks that eren looks like a man who watches his own funeral, wanting to confirm the worst & best of him. 

armin packs some of his papers into his bag, stares at eren. 

‘ this doesn’t prove you right, you know,’ he says suddenly. ‘i’m still here. it’s not a question of not being enough.’ 

it hadn’t even been armin’s idea to end things, so how could it be? 

‘ of course, i miss you. & you’re always going to be a part of my life.’

in his work bag, his fingers snag against a magnet still wrapped in an airport plastic bag.

he tosses it on the table.

another regret to add to the collection.

[pontevoix]

So my phone has been broken for two weeks now so I’ve been half a phantom but enjoy my cat DFBDFBDF

[pontevoix]

there are two things dfgfds i can’t stop laughing at today: 

1) a scene in grey’s where 2 exes are about to do some messy things & one of them asks if he can keep his mask in during like uisd iconic  2) for work i set up an account for this kid fresh outta undergrad. i chose the email, a filler password, and activated it and told no one bc i was going to email about it today. i login this morning & he’s just... figured out the login with no one telling him dfg it’s gonna be ok kid just breathe all this to say - i adore you all very much & i’ve adequately gotten myself in a place with readings that i can get back on scheduling my writing this week. please take care & have a beautiful day! ❤️

[pontevoix]

hale your writing is absolutely lovely and honestly I love reading everything you post whether it’s for my muse or not. the way you write is so engaging and entertaining. truly blessed to have you as a writing partner !!!

dear all,

thank you so much for your time & energy! as discussed previously, i’ve attached a relevant file below. thoughts?

best wishes,

hale

sdfihugsdf in otherwords i sent a version of a generic email i send for work because my heart & brain short circuited reading this. i’m so so grateful you took the time to write this out & send it to me - it means the world to me. i try to write the stories and voices that make me smile & make me think. i guarantee you — writing with you & makes me think even more.

that’s good soup!!! thank you again!

unprompted | anonymous

[pontevoix]

" ah you are making that face again when Lev is in 3 meter proximity near you. Adorable." Kuroo's voice is laced with amusement. (For kenken~)

‘ no, i’m not — ‘ kenma counters. the flat tone of their voice is both unhesitant & unconvincing. they never make the effort to disguise the way 1) their brow furrows when they’re subjected to lev’s unwavering energy this early in the morning 2) the scrunch of their nose 3) the weird slant of displeasure that their lips take.

just as kenma doesn’t waste energy to speak emphatically, they don’t waste the energy to hide expressions that come naturally to them. of course, that doesn’t mean that they’re eager to admit that kuroo can read so easily the way that their jaw ticks in annoyance.

this ability of kuroo's is both a nuisance & a relief. it’s something constant / steady / reliable —- & undoubtedly the only reason that kenma found routine with the volleyball team.

‘ i’m not, ‘ they insist again — this time sending a sour sideways glance towards the other. & even if they were making that face, there was no reason to condescend the expression with the word adorable . . . though, kenma is less annoyed by that than they were by the observation itself. kuroo has always been prone to teasing comments, to slight exaggerations. these comments are easy enough to wave off.

lev is not yet in a three meter proximity . . . but he is coming. & yaku is ( reluctantly ) out sick so . . . kenma is certain that lev will come to them with requests for sets & fun drills.

. . . lev truly is awful. in his own earnest way.

lev’s improving; kenma doesn’t dislike him — but lev truly is awful. in his own earnest way.

so if kenma is making a face, it’s with this in mind —— that, & the fact that their phone had not connected properly to the charger when they slept . . . it’s at 14% battery.

the small ( & tall ) grievances add up.

‘ but you don’t have to sound pleased, ‘ they reprimand & blink once . . . they drop to the gym floor to ‘ stretch ‘ by laying out on the floor. unprompted | @frsttempo