Slowly I feel as though anything that might constitute as emotions I used to have are slowly drying up. Everything feels pointless and nothing feels within reach and I feel as though by the time any of it maybe in reach, I’m just not going to care about it anymore.
It frightens me to no end. That to survive, I’m going to end up turning into a emotionless being. Its terrifying.
I feel as though I’m getting to a point where I don’t care about anything. Everything around me just feels artificial and fake and like everything I do has no meaning to it.
I feel like I shouldn't believe this but when everything feels so...forced as far as interactions go sometimes, I feel like I’m not making any real progress with those I want to make them with.
I just want things to go back to the way they were, but I just feel like its just a lie and I’m just deceiving myself that they might ever. I want to believe its just my anxiety talking--that its making me think in worse case scenarios, but its just something I can’t help but feel, I guess. I don’t want to either...
The people in my life aren't physically in my life. There is no physical reinforcement to their words. With everything I’ve been through--every good intention gone sour, I’ve always been let down in terms of looking forward to things. Nothing ever seems to want to go a way that would help me tendentiously in terms of things I not just want in my life, but things I need.
Seeing something tangible to back them up is what I need. Something more in the flesh. RP-esque interactions only go so far.
I need touch. I need to feel the love behind those words in the flesh.
A strong hug against my tired frame. The sensation of a lips. To hear my name called in person...
I desperately long for these things. I want to spend time with the people that are too far away that I need physically in my life...
Its a stability I need most that is going to be the hardest to obtain, it seems...
