Infatuated, sorry if I stare
When you're posted up, I wanna be there
The way you curved up, it just ain't fair
No it ain'ttttttttttt
Did I come across your radar?
Cross your mind now and later?
Do you feel like you know me?
This is still part of nature
Let's ask each other questions
Can we do each other favors?
Would you mind the labor, baby?
(a big 6k collection of scenes of an absurd Summer Wars crossover fic written by my inner 12 year old self.)
-
The end of July was decided as the yearly Jinnouchi family reunion, culminating on August 1st as a celebration of Sakae's life and the continued successes of the clan.
It had been one year since the attack of Love Machine on Oz.
The clan overall was celebrated as major players as saviors of Oz (and many argue, the planet). The users who offered up their accounts in taking down Love Machine were given accolades; it became an example to the world of unity across nations against a common threat, which inspired debate, psychological and sociological analyses, and quite a few TV specials.
Kenji was pinged by Oz as a security breaker and mathematics consultant and had been offered placements and full rides to universities worldwide (he ultimately decided on Kyoto University to stay in Japan). He avoided as many interviews as he could. He also started dating Natsuki for real, to the delight of everyone (except Shota).
He... still had the squirrel avatar, but everyone knew that as him, now. It didn't make much sense to change it.
Sakuma also got promoted for admin status in Oz and continued to enjoy working his job with more freedom, and was often assigned to help Kenji during consultations.
Kazuma continued to compete as a beloved fighter in Oz, with many championships under his belt and plenty of contenders who wanted to go toe-to-toe against the legendary avatar that finally destroyed Love Machine.
Natsuki found notoriety as something of a master of Hanafuda and enjoyed picking up the occasional game in the Oz casino (it was irregular and she never announced it, so it was a scramble for people to find out via message boards and go watch her play). Her new avatar design was even part of game promotions.
In fact, going against any Jinnouchi in Hanafuda was a point of pride for many users. They now had their own published printed deck!
Wabisuke had revealed his part in creating Love Machine, to intense media scrutiny. He ultimately was found to be absolved when evidence came to light of his actions to stop Love Machine. He took a sabbatical from work/research as a professor, however, and he was enjoying making amends with his estranged family. He hoped to make it in time for the reunion, for once.
But by a year out, a lot of the immediate kerfuffle and media surrounding them had settled down. The house repairs were close to finished, with the addition of a house for a hot springs(!), so everyone was looking forward to seeing each other again. Hopefully this reunion would be slightly less hectic!
(Oh, who are we kidding?)
-----
Kazuma's family was one of the first to arrive back to the ancestral family home. His father would hopefully arrive the next day.
Kazuma felt very protective of his 11 m.o. sister, Shizuna, to the amusement of his mother, and he would make sure to spend some time with her when he wasn't training or fighting.
But, still, he loved to battle as King Kazma, and he had a competitive exhibition match to win today! His mom would understand. She was off sharing all the milestones and pictures of Shizuna that she'd compiled over the last year, and not all the love he had in the world for his sister could get him to sit through that again.
He set up his serviceable laptop in the small alcove—if only he had that 200-teraflop processor with the CRT monitor again, he sometimes daydreamed—and prepped himself for the match.
-----
Kenji relaxed into his seat on the Shinkansen. He was on the second leg of his long journey to Ueda from Kyoto. He really was looking forward to seeing everyone. Especially Natsuki.
Kenji entertained the idea of dozing when his phone buzzed. And kept buzzing.
'Kenji r u there'
'call me ASAP'
Kenji sighed, and left his seat to duck into the small passway between the train cars. He hoped to leave his work in Kyoto, but no dice.
"Sakuma, What's up?"
"Hey, Kenji, have you heard about what's happening at the exhibition match?"
"Kazuma's match?"
Kenji had started to pay a bit more attention to the competitions in OZ, if only to cheer on King Kazma.
"Yeah, one of the mods pointed out a couple weird avatars that popped up in the audience, and when I tried to look up their users, there was nothing listed."
"Okay..." Kenji wasn't sure that warranted a phone call. "Is it just some glitch?"
"No, and it gets weirder. These avatars have ridiculous permissions that can't be overwritten! Even as an admin I can't seem to deal with them from the backend. Plus, their hit detection is spread to affect any user they come into contact with! Does that remind you of anything?"
Kenji's stomach dropped. It couldn't be—
He didn't want to say the name out loud on the train. "Are-are they attacking users?"
"Well, no, not yet, but we don't know what their end game is. It's also only a matter of time until a lot more users notice."
"Alright, I'm on my way to Ueda for the reunion, so we can bring in everybody on this again if we need to." Kenji hoped Kazuma would be okay on his own until then.
"Well, that's some good news. Ooh and hey, I bet you'll really enjoy that new hot springs with Natsuki~"
"D-don't say it like that!"
Sakuma laughed, and added, sobering, "I'll keep looking into these avatars. Let me know when you get to the house."
-----
Victory.
Kazuma sat up from the laptop and rolled his shoulders. The match was lengthy, and a bit scrappy in moments, but otherwise went off without a hitch.
He was so focused on the fight that only now Kazuma realized something was amiss. Murmurings in the crowd surrounded two avatars Kazuma had never seen before. That would be unsurprising, but apparently, as he scanned through his live chat, no one else had ever seen them before, either.
And something was very weird about them, as the chat grew more alarmed:
'What's going on?'
'hackers?'
'omg is it love machine?'
'I thought LM was gone???'
'I'm leaving, I don't want my avatar stolen again!'
'Fight them, King Kazma!'
Love Machine?
Tense, wary, Kazuma approached the two avatars. They were melee-ready avatars, proportioned like Kazuma's. The white dog, with his face mostly hidden, had a deceptively lazy air about him. The tiger especially was... unnerving. He had deep scars on one side of his face. His eyes were two different colors, which, while not usually weird by OZ standards, also had markings within them that Kazuma had never seen before. And those eyes were looking right at him.
This... might be bad. Kazuma had to get them away from all of these bystanders, if he could.
The white dog tipped his head to the side. "Maa, looks like you get your wish, Obito."
-----
Kenji was antsy the entire bus ride to the house. He had tried to call Kazuma and Wabisuke but neither of them picked up. Kazuma was understandable; he might be in the thick of it with those strange avatars.
It worried Kenji a little more that Wabisuke hadn't answered. He was supposed to be in Ueda already, right?
The Jinnouchi family greeted him as he made it to the gate and into the family home:
"Kenji, you made it!"
"Good to see you!"
"How was the trip?"
"Oh, hello! Good to see you all too, and it was fine. Um, sorry to be abrupt, but is Wabisuke around? I called him earlier but he didn't pick up, and I have something to ask him."
Mariko cupped her face with one hand, considering. "You know, I haven't heard from Wabisuke in a few days."
Kenji started. "Huh? Wasn't he supposed to be here already?"
"Well, he had called last week that something had come up and he might be a day late to the reunion. He had the decency to be apologetic so I didn't think much of it."
Mansaku chimed in, "He does have a tendency to not call in; that's ten years of a nasty habit to break, you know. Besides, he might just be busy traveling right now if he hasn't responded to you yet, Kenji."
"Oh, okay... Well, hopefully he gets here safely." And quickly.
Kiyomi popped into the entryway. "Oh, Kenji! Kazuma wanted you to come say hello as soon as you got in."
-----
King Kazma twisted to the side, barely avoiding another strike. This guy was barely trying, but he seemed to revel in the fun of it.
Kazuma might not win, but he could try and get answers. "Whatever you're up to, it's not going to work."
"What, beating you?" The tiger flickered and was suddenly in front of King Kazma as he kicked hard into his side, sending him sprawling. "I beg to differ."
"Not—not the fight," Kazuma spit out. "Whatever plan you have to wreck OZ again."
The tiger paused, glanced once at his dog companion, then snorted. "Funnily enough, I don't have a plan."
King Kazma coughed and got to his feet. "You don't have users," he accused. "So what are you, A.I.?"
"I'm definitely not artificial," the tiger frowned.
"The intelligence is debatable," said the dog.
"Oh, har har, Bakashi."
Love Machine never talked back. Kazuma stared at them bantering for a moment, then continued, "Okay, so who are you? How are you controlling avatars without users? Are you hackers?"
They both looked quizzically at him. The tiger squinted harder.
These guys... were completely computer illiterate. What the hell?
The dog's visible eye suddenly sharpened. "Obito."
"Yeah. What the hell is that?" Obito muttered.
Kazuma leaned in closer to his laptop speakers to listen.
"Shishishishi!"
Kazuma paled and whipped his avatar's head around, searching. He knew that horrible snickering noise from anywhere. "Love Machine..."
"Er, what Machine?"
"Love Machine! The A.I. that almost wiped out OZ and Earth! How the hell can you not know?" Kazuma snapped.
-----
The tiger peered at them, and then sucked in a breath. "These ones are alive. It looks like a bastardization of Zetsu's clones, and genjutsu on those people."
Now it was Kazuma's turn to be confused. "Genjutsu?" he asked.
"They're possessed," said Kakashi. "So don't kill them if you don't want real blood on your hands."
Kazuma's eyes widened. "They're actual people?"
-----
"Shit!" He was too slow. Love Machine grabbed at King Kazma.
And just right then, the screen on Kazuma's laptop fritzed out.
Kazuma gasped, "No! No, please, not now!" He shook his laptop fruitlessly. Nothing. He slammed his hands on the keyboard. "Dammit!"
His screen lit up.
But instead of OZ, on his screen was a spiraling code.
"W-what the—" As he touched his hands to the keys, the screen flashed bright, and suddenly wind whipped around him like a storm. He shut his eyes against the maelstrom, holding his arms up to shield his face. The wind ceased, and he opened his eyes.
Suddenly, Kazuma was face-to-face with Love Machine, trapped in his iron grip.
"W-wha—" He froze at the sight of the laughing monster. He couldn't move. He couldn't think. He could only feel helpless, his own terror rising.
But then a fireball exploded against Love Machine's side, causing it to drop Kazuma.
A cacophony of birds sounded behind him. "Move, kid!"
He stepped back, but it was too much. Lightning erupted in front of him as his vision greyed and he collapsed.
-----
"Hey kid, you alright?"
"Ugh..." Kazuma's head hurt and he really didn't want to open his eyes. He rolled over and pressed a hand to his face.
Wait.
His... gloved hand? Kazuma looked at his hand, and the very white and furry arm attached to it.
Kazuma sat up suddenly, wincing at the dull throb in his head, and looked down at himself. He was in the body of King Kazma. He tentatively touched at the ears on top of his head and they twitched.
He was... a giant rabbit.
He gaped at the two avatars standing over him and looking curiously at him. This should not be happening, because that would be crazy and mean that Kazuma somehow impossibly became his own avatar in OZ.
"I'm dreaming... right?"
What the hell is his life.
Kakashi looked calculating. "What do you remember?"
"Um, Love Machine attacked us and then my computer screen went totally haywire. There was this... whirlwind or vortex or something and suddenly it was like Love Machine was actually going to kill me..." Kazuma grimaced, "Then I blacked out."
"...'Computer screen'? I'm missing something, here." said Obito.
"It's a world within a world, Obito. These beings in OZ are representations of beings outside of it in another world like our Earth. It's a bit like a... conscious Infinite Tsukyomi. However, we aren't representations and we fully exist here autonomously, which seems to be confusing everyone in both worlds who's noticed us."
Kakashi continued, "Now, it seems, this Love Machine, or a facsimile of it, is capable of pulling beings from Earth through computers into OZ, which is what happened to our rabbit friend here, who probably isn't very used to being a rabbit. Does that sound about right?"
Kazuma blinked. For someone who didn't even know what a computer really was, this dog guy was shrewd enough to put all that together. And he also implied something way more crazy:
"Yeah. But. Wait. You say Earth like you're not from there. So you're like... aliens who are stuck in here, too."
Kakashi shrugged. "Aliens? Maa, sounds about right."
"Really, Bakashi? That's what we're going with?"
"We're not from this exact planet. It's technically true."
Aliens. Wow.
"...Could you help us stop Love Machine?" Kazuma asked.
"Why not? It gives us something to do. And you complained that this place wouldn't be fun, Kakashi."
Kakashi shifted up from his slouch. "Hm, it certainly won't be boring."
Kazuma was literally in OZ, with super powered aliens. This was actually... kind of cool.
-----
Kenji ran back into the room but stumbled to a stop.
"Kazuma...?"
The room was empty.
The room was empty, but Kazuma's laptop was still here, and on the laptop's browser...
"W-what!?"
King Kazma was moving on his own.
Kenji slid the door shut behind him. And proceeded to freak out.
-----
"Sakuma!!!" Kenji hissed into his phone.
"Woah, what, Kenji what is it?"
"I think Kazuma is stuck in OZ!"
"What do you—"
"Like actually, physically, he is now King Kazma!"
"...Are you saying Kazuma was what, transported into OZ? Are you high right now?"
"No! I am standing in front of Kazuma's computer, and he's logged in and everything, but he's vanished and his avatar is moving by itself!"
"Well," Sakuma said, skeptical, "either way, I'm looking his profile up and it looks like King Kazma's permissions just changed, too. It's now like those other two avatars."
"Like the other avatars...?" Kenji said to himself.
"Whatever happened to those avatars happened to King Kazma. It's more likely that King Kazma could have been taken over by Love Machine."
"Then where did Kazuma go? He wouldn't just leave and be okay with letting his avatar get hijacked!" Kenji argued.
"Listen to yourself, Kenji! That's impossible."
"But what if it's not? And those other avatars... I don't think they're with Love Machine. It makes no sense with the way they behave. I think—I think they might actually be people trapped in OZ, too." Kenji leaned back against the wall. "We've been too cautious, making too many assumptions. Why don't we just try talking to them?"
"Kenji, no—"
-----
"There's a little squirrel running towards us."
Kazuma peeked around Obito. "Is it a yellow squirrel? That's Kenji."
"Kazumaaaaaaaa!!!" Kenji's avatar barreled into Kazuma's legs.
"Calm down, dude."
----
"I was right!" Kenji said, a bit giddy.
"I can't believe you were right." Sakuma groaned. "So, Love Machine can now drag users into OZ? And possess people? How can we even fight back against that? How can we fix it?"
"Oh. I—I don't know, but there has to be a way."
"This is, like, beyond the scope of anyone's expertise. I really hope it's not a weird military experiment again."
----
"Dinner time, everyone!"
Kenji tried to edge away from where everyone was gathering, when Kiyomi called out, "Kenji, have you seen Kazuma? I thought I last saw him with you."
"Uh, well, I guess I, uh, was technically, but, well, the-the thing is..." Kenji stammered. How on Earth was he going to explain this?
"Out with it, son, where is he?" Mansuke snapped.
Everyone was looking at Kenji expectantly. Oh, oh god.
"...This is going to sound completely insane, but..." Kenji rushed out, "KazumaistrappedinsideOZ!"
"What?"
"Can you run that by us one more time?"
Kenji took a deep breath, "Kazuma is... currently trapped inside of OZ."
"...Is that some kind of game?" Kiyomi asked.
"I mean he's literally been transported into OZ and he's stuck there. I know it sounds insane, but..." Kenji nearly lost his nerve as everyone started to stare at him like he'd lost his mind. Maybe he had.
Natsuki stood up and said, "So what if it sounds insane! If Kenji says so, then I believe him."
"Natsuki..." God, Kenji loved her.
"Oh, well..." everyone else hemmed and hawed a little.
"What if—what if I show you?" Kenji hedged.
"...Well why didn't you say so!" shouted Rika.
The Jinnouchi clan crowded around the laptop, letting Kiyomi sit in front. She peered at the screen and gasped. "Oh my god, Kazuma, is that you?"
The avatar startled and responded, "Mom?"
"Kazuma, sweetie, are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?"
"Mom, it's okay, I'm fine!"
Shota butted in, "And who are these two freaks? Cousin Shota will come in there and kick their asses if they hurt you!" The tiger gave a derisive snort and the shiba looked highly amused.
"No, they're cool;" said Kazuma, "Kakashi and Obito helped me escape Love Machine when I got pulled in here."
The shiba, Kakashi, gave a little wave.
Shota deflated. "Oh, well that's okay then... wait, LOVE MACHINE?!"
"It's back? But how?" asked Riichi.
"Oh man, I don't know if I can stand going through all that again!" Yorihiko said.
"And we just finished fixing the house..." Mariko added.
"C'mon," said Naomi, "we're the Jinnouchi! We beat it before and we can beat it again!"
The kids cheer. "Yeah!!"
"Well said, Naomi!" Mansuke bellowed. He leaned forward to look at the screen. "Stay strong, Kazuma, I know you can make it through this."
"I will, sensei."
"As for you two, are you..." Mansuke squinted, "good A.I. things?"
"No," Kakashi said lightly, "we're aliens."
"Very funny, young man," said Mansaku.
"No," said Kazuma in earnest. "They're really aliens."
Everyone was rendered silent for a long moment until—"...ALIENS???" Then they were all talking over each other asking questions and calling out theories about Love Machine and aliens and virtual reality. Riichi looked particularly troubled.
Natsuki pulled back from looking at the screen to lean against Kenji. "I hope Uncle Wabisuke gets here soon; he knows Love Machine best. He might know what to do."
Love Machine and Wabisuke...
Suddenly, Kenji had a horrible feeling that Wabisuke might not be making it to the reunion as planned.
----
Kenji left the laptop in Tasuke's capable hands and excused himself to use the restroom. He holed himself up in the toilet and dialed his phone. "Sakuma, I need you to do something for me."
"Depends on what it is, but sure. And why are you whispering?"
"I don't want anyone to overhear and freak out if I'm wrong, but, could you look up Wabisuke's profile?"
"You don't think he's—"
"Yeah, and I really really hope I'm wrong."
"...Open parameters and overriding permissions, like Kazuma. Oh, man, this is not good."
"Wabisuke hasn't been able to get in contact with anyone in all that time..." Kenji hoped Wabisuke wasn't in a dangerous situation. "Maybe he doesn't know how to find us. How can we find him?"
"That's the thing: He could be literally anywhere in OZ. You're lucky that you can follow Kazuma and figure out his location via his laptop, because these avatars all go off grid and are a nightmare to locate."
"How many avatars has this happened to?"
"It's started out as only one a while back, but recently it's getting worse. We really thought it was a low-priority glitch, since it affected only a handful of non-active users, but now... I'm starting to wonder if this has anything to do with the reported missing persons cases popping up worldwide."
Missing persons? What could this mean? What was Love Machine doing?
A knock on the door. "Kenji?"
Kenji startled. "N-Natsuki! Just a second, um—"
Natsuki slammed open the door. "I could hear you on the phone! There's something else, isn't there; what aren't you telling us?"
"I—"
"Kenji, please, I need to know."
"Wabisuke... I think Wabisuke is stuck somewhere in OZ, too."
-----
For the first few hours, Wabisuke was fairly sure he was hallucinating.
He was trapped in the body of his avatar and he wasn't exactly thrilled to be a rather short brown-spotted cat. With no pants. Well, at least it wasn't a completely useless design. He had thumbs. Imagining himself in some of the more 'unique' avatars in OZ made him shudder.
But no, he had to eventually concede that he had not been drugged and really had been thrust into a virtual world by a vengeful A.I.
Wabisuke was so done with everything. And he really wanted some pants.
He also had to be sneaky; this hideous bastardization of Love Machine was on his tail, along with the person who corrupted it. But it seemed like this, Wabisuke couldn't be easily tracked. The biggest advantage he had now was the ability to stay hidden. But he couldn't hide forever.
An exhibition match was coming up for King Kazma. It was risky, but this was Wabisuke's chance to make contact with his family and have any hope of fixing this.
-----
"Hmm, something the matter, Kazuma?"
Kazuma's ears stuck up straight in the air. "I think... we're being followed."
The dog snapped his book shut. "Maa, you'd be right. Someone's been spying on us for awhile now."
Wabisuke had no time to react; the dog moved impossibly fast. He grabbed Wabisuke from behind and slammed him into the ground. Tightening his grip, the dog leaned in to say lowly, "Who are you?"
Wabisuke felt like he had the wind knocked out of him. "I-I'm—"
"Wait, Kakashi, that's my uncle Wabisuke!"
"Your uncle? Hm. Obito?"
The tiger stared him down with eerie eyes. "He's not possessed. It's fine."
Kakashi picked up Wabisuke single-handedly and set him back on his feet. "Maa, my apologies, Kazuma's uncle."
Wabisuke stood there, a little dazed and catching his breath, "Well. That was... something."
"Uncle, what happened? How could Love Machine come back?"
"It's not Love Machine; it's no longer like what I created."
“Created—so you made Love Machine." said Obito, narrowing his eyes.
"I did, originally, and don't look at me like that. I took it apart, too. Someone has taken the code for my A.I. and modified it. They dubbed it 'Second Emotion' and set it loose in OZ."
"Second Emotion... how did you find that out?" asked Kazuma.
"Easy. The person behind it sent me a taunting message last week, that Second Emotion had been hidden in OZ for months. I was trying to stop it from spreading. I was making some headway on an exploit when the A.I. caught on to what I was doing. I woke up in OZ a few days ago," Wabisuke looked down at himself, sighing, "and now I'm a tiny cat."
-----
What is it doing—oh no!
Kenji pulled his hands immediately off the keyboard. "Second Emotion is going to try and transport someone! Don't touch anything!" he cried.
"Eek!" Everyone dropped their devices like it burned them.
But then Tasuke cried: "Dad, what are you doing? Drop that!"
"Kazuma's in trouble and I'm not going to sit idly by!" Mansuke shouted. "You wanna take us, Second Emotion? Well, the Jinnouchi clan are coming after you first!"
In a flash of light, he vanished, and the handheld system dropped to the floor with a clatter.
An awed hush permeated the room.
Mariko broke the silence. "That—of all the stupid and rash things he's done!"
"Par for the course, really," Mansaku sighed.
Kiyomi and Tasuke gaped at the now-empty space where their father once stood.
