I have to get this out since I am currently rewatching D Grayman.
Remember this part? How Yuu Kanda only wished to fight? How he can't be stopped even of his innocence was nowhere to be used? How he said those words, "I'm an exorcist. It's my job to kill akuma."? He said it with conviction. He argued and took the swords with only one thing in his mind: kill the enemies.
Yes, he's grumpy and prideful and all. He may care about his "friends" or allies but not show it. He may thought about how his ego would take it to sit there and play defenseless. He hated it to feel and act weak. So he decided to fight, without his precious Mugen.
He knows all about the Order's secret experiments. He is a victim. He is a lab rat, an experimental subject, doomed to fail. He harbors hatred against the Order. He lost Alma Karma. He lost his original body. He's searching for his lover.
He and his lover once died for the Order. And what did the Order do to repay them? Use them and their brains as test subjects. They are viewed as merely weapons in the war against the Millennium Earl.
But Kanda, with all his stubbornness and desire to cut almost anyone in half, decided to become the perfect soldier to the Order. He takes pride in his job as an exorcist. Maybe because of Marie's and Tiedoll's influences. But he sees himself as someone who has to complete his missions without fail and delay.
Kanda desires to kill every akuma out there. Maybe because this is his form of grievance and vengeance for his past self and lover, both were killed by an akuma perhaps. Maybe because this is what has been engraved in his mind since birth. Or maybe, just maybe, he couldn' t validate his existence unless he is an exorcist.
Remember that Kanda only has the Order as his family, the headquarters as his home. He has Tiedoll as a teacher, Marie as a big brother, etc. He doesn't have anyone to turn to if he was not an exorcist.
Remember how he reprimanded Allen about Johnny's decision to leave the Order? He maybe felt what Johnny sees in the Order: a family, a purpose for living.
Remember how he came back after the death of Alma? How he quietly wore his uniform and claimed his innocence despite Lenalee's qualms?
Allen is now his first priority. But Kanda knows that being an exorcist is the only thing he is capable of doing. He's great at it. He knows the job since birth and knows that he was created for the job.
If he stops being an exorcist, his existence doesn't serve a purpose anymore.
And I think most of us, those who still work hard despite everything, could relate to Kanda at this point. And it is so, so sad.
Please. Please, give this man some love. He deserves it.
