Flume 9/24
This was one of the craziest but most fun day ever. Going out there with Tim and Cruz and accidentally popping a whole purple Instagram or snapchat w/e, either or I meant to bite it and take the other half later but was in the rhythm and fucked up. BUT...it was a good accident because was I feeling it. It hit me so hard I forgot half the things that happened at the concert. But luckily I saved my snaps, and even then I was still a little confused. None the less I wanted a dance with Diane the day I found out she was going to flume. Yes I knew I was gonna be rolling, but even though we aren't talking I still feel like we're good friends, and yes I don't want to play with her emotions or mine, but I really wish I could've had a dance or at least a photo with her that night. Idk if she still has a little bit of feelings for me, but for some reason right now the feelings I had for her are all coming right back. I think it's just the E still kicking in, I hope it kind of is but also kind of isn't. I did really like her and wish we tried, but a LDR just seems too complicated. But right now that complication doesn't bother me like it did at first and Idkw!?¿!? I'm trying to find reasons not to like her again but all those little flaws can always be fixed so it makes it impossible for me to not like her right now. In a week if my feelings for her still feel the same I might just ask her to go to Flume with me one last time when he comes back on December. But there's also snow globe and maybe I'd wanna do that with her. But then again a lot of things can change within the next three months or so. But for right now I need more then just substance, I wanna stop being lonely, I wanna share my day and listen to someone else's day. Yes this sounds very gay but that's how I am and the sad thing is I can't really express how I feel because I know I'll be judged, and you would think why should I care but I do. People say they aren't or won't, but they aren't speaking for everyone. Point is I wanna stop being single and be grounded by someone, and right now that someone is Diane. I've asked for advice and they've all said I should've done something this summer again instead of wait for her to go back to school and try a LDR. The crazy thing is this is only just one of the many thoughts I had that night on life. I just felt this was more important to talk about since I just really wanna find love....
