"Our version of living feels more like death. ”
@secondxwind // poetry sentence starters// inbox open.
He wished they were drinking. It felt like a night to be wasted, pouring too many shots and hoping for oblivion. Instead, they're hanging around far too late at a pick up point, waiting for their overdue evac. It was probably the fault of the DSO; for once Leon was a little too high profile when he was supposed to stay low key. Hunnigan had said there were some...hiccups. Bureaucratic bullshit.
There was nothing out here, anymore. No threat to keep their blood boiling and their pulses racing. Leon missed the adrenaline rush. In its wake, he felt like the aftermath of a car wreck. Bruised up, wrung out. Someone was going to tell him to get looked over and he was going to sneak off. What the hell were they going to do for a few bruises? Pat him on the back and send him home to his hotel. They would leave him in HQ for a while. Leon wasn't sure if he wanted the reprieve, or if he worried his silent apartment would choke him to death.
He broke the silence first.
"I don't know how much longer I can live like this."
Said quietly, like he might shatter something in them both. He tried not to be so bleak most of the time. He tried to keep his head up out of the water. The passage time had a way of wearing down even the strongest willed person. Maybe he'd said that to Chris because he'd hoped for something lighter. Instead, the reply is like a punch in the gut. Or more like a splash of cold water in his face. Looking into a mirror in the morning and seeing that despondent resignation. This is all there is and this is all there ever will be.
"Yeah," Leon said, unsure what else to say. Unsure how to turn that into something less wrenching. He crossed his arms over his chest, leaned back into the brick wall of some sad, dilapidated building. "Maybe we just need a vacation. Somewhere we can get a reminder of what life's like without all...this. If there even is a place." He paused. "I think we could both use a drink, at least."
