A decision Akiko Uchiha, younger sister of Madara Uchiha, believes in with all her heart - and yet one that seemingly cost her everything. But for as long as she could remember, she had one dream: peace. And for this dream, she is forced to give up everything indeed. Yet sometimes the brightest things are born of the deepest tragedies and thus, when Akiko Uchiha took up her arms and ran, she had no idea what fortune had in store for her.
Warnings: Grapic violence, (canon) character death, canon violence, enemies to friends to lovers, slow burn, hurt/comfort
Finished! At 310k, I finally managed to bring this story to an end. If you care to read it - or if you're just curious:
This is a commissioned piece by the very nice @hkzv of Akiko's new looks, as per the new chapter of Irenic, chapter 39! Yes, I do still upload, and the story is over 250k words now, and I'm quite optimistic to finish it. Anyway, I've been really looking forward to share this, I adore the art so much. Thank you again 🤗🥰
Writing to tell you that I finished Irenic in three days and have been thinking about it at least 5x a day for the last week and a half. It was amazing and is now one of my favorite fanfics! Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing it with us!!!
Oh man, I don't know what to say 😭🥰 I'm always genuinely baffled to hear people read the story that fast (310k!!) - to think it's that exciting - that's honestly the best compliment I could get, no kidding. 🥺💖 Thank you so much! Comments like yours make me very happy I did share it 🥰
Summary: Life as an ANBU captain has been eating at your very soul. You had been fortunate to have someone with you in what you first considered a privileged duty, but soon learned to be a perilous hell: Kakashi. The man you had looked up to since the beginning - and grew closer to, the more you learned about him. Yet the lurid schemes of a corrupt village elder might break you, as fighting in a system - for a system - that does nothing but throw bricks at you seems to be your undoing.
One final mission. Just one.
Read part 2 here!
Length: 5,700 (part 1)
Warnings! Graphic description of violence, body horror, (psychological) torture), suicidal thoughts/mindset (reader is not in a good place; at least in parts of this fic), very angsty but with a happy ending; pining, I mean it, pining, angst, happy ending. But. It gets dark first
My birthday gift to the bestiest, amazingiest, loveliest @kuramakakashi!! Once more all the best to you bestie, may this year just be great all around 💖💖💖
Read on AO3!
Except below
A tall, very familiar, silver-haired man was waiting next to your door, leaning on the frame with practised ease so many mistook for sheer sleaziness or nonchalance. He rarely was either.
Kakashi was frowning deeply, shades cast over his face from the dim light over your door. "I thought you did not have a mission this night," the question laced into his tune, but the worry was obvious.
You smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry. I went to visit Itachi, it got late."
His dark eye mustered you up and down. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking - nor would you be able to sense it.
Kakashi stepped forward suddenly, his hand on your shoulder. Squeezing, lightly. Gently. "Please get some sleep. You don't look very well."
You chuckled haughtily. "So you keep saying."
His brow furrowed. "Because I mean it, Y/n," the light irritation obvious, now.
You blinked, slowly. "Are you worried about me?"
His frown deepened, the hand on your shoulder gripped tighter. "You ask me that?"
You dared a little smile, even. "You don't have to be, Kakashi. I'll be fine."
His eye widened instantly. His other hand grasped your shoulder now, pulling you closer. An unspoken urgency lingered between the two of you.
For a brief second, you wondered if he could read your mind.
"Y/n," he whispered in the same, shaky tune he had confided so many dirty secrets to you. Vulnerable. "I mean it."
You gazed in his face - what little you saw of it - his eye. The pleading look. Perhaps there was longing in there. And perhaps you felt grief - regret. But - those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash.
"You've been there for me all my life," Kakashi began, but you shook your head.
"Whatever happens next Kakashi - know that I am thankful. Okay? We-" you swallowed drily, your vision grew blurry. "We did everything we could. I couldn't be more thankful to have you here along with me."
"Yn-" He stammered, gaze wide, before you wrapped him into a tight hug.
Your arms closed in around his chest each, and you buried the side of your face into his shoulder protectors. His warm breath fanned the back of your back. He gasped - and your sluggish, damp resolve to hold him faltered a moment right before strong arms encased you in a firm embrace.
You didn't want this moment to end. Another little infinity, spreading between you.
Why couldn't it just be this way?
Warmth lapped at the nothingness inside of you, quelling something - good. Something you had thought dead the moment the Third had forced you back into ANBU.
Kakashi's breath hitched.
"Y/n," he whispered. "Why does this feel like goodbye?"
"I don't know, Kakashi," your frail voice almost broke with the lie you knew he’d detect easily.
Summary: Life as an ANBU captain has been eating at your very soul. You had been fortunate to have someone with you in what you first considered a privileged duty, but soon learned to be a perilous hell: Kakashi. The man you had looked up to since the beginning - and grew closer to, the more you learned about him. Yet the lurid schemes of a corrupt village elder might break you, as fighting in a system - for a system - that does nothing but throw bricks at you seems to be your undoing.
One final mission. Just one.
Read part 1 here!
Length: 4,300 (part 2)
Warnings! Graphic description of violence, body horror, (psychological) torture), suicidal thoughts/mindset (reader is not in a good place; at least in parts of this fic), very angsty but with a happy ending; pining, I mean it, pining, angst, happy ending. But. It gets dark first
My birthday gift to the bestiest, amazingiest, loveliest @kuramakakashi!! Once more all the best to you bestie, may this year just be great all around 💖💖💖
Read on AO3!
Excerpt below
And now… you were gone.
Gone after having lied to him about your farewell. He should have said something then. Perhaps he had deluded himself into not doing it - because he did not want to accept that.
Because he could not accept that. A world without you in it -
No.
He leaned against your doorframe. Crossing his arms, Kakashi allowed a familiar wave of despair - of helplessness - to wash over him, letting it carry him away.
He needed to find out. What, what had you been doing? You had mentioned visiting Itachi late - an uncommon event; he went to bed early to be around Sasuke as much as possible, usually.
His best lead therefore should be the Uchiha compound.
Kakashi pushed himself off to be on his way - only to find a huffing Tenzo in front of him, having shunshined there. The man reeked of anxiety. He frowned. "Tenzo?"
"Kakashi," he breathed. His eyes were wide. "Y/n, Shisui and Itachi, they-", he broke off, shaking his head.
"Be calm," Kakashi raised a hand, even if it was difficult to keep the urgency out of his voice. "What happened?"
"They found Danzo's Uchiha prison."
Kakashi's gaze widened.
The prison which both of you had suspected to be many things, but least of all a place to just hold the convicted Uchiha.
You, who had been breaking under the injustice of one individual such as Danzo running free while families had been torn apart by his politics.
You, served with a chance to get evidence for his crimes.
You - who had this blissful peace around you when you had hugged him.
The farewell.
A proverbial bucket of ice water had been emptied over Kakashi. He was drenched in cold sweat.
"Tenzo. Lead me there. Right now."
He could not bear the thought of losing you, indeed.
Summary: You've been in love with him for a long time, yet things with Kakashi Hatake were complicated, to say the least. Finally left with with a remainder of pain and your best friend Genma, who keeps nagging you on, you are presented with a dangerous mission: to track down a serial killer. Your team? Genma and Kakashi, of course. Sometimes, the heart needs time. And the right incentives.
Length: 5,200 (part 1)
Part 2!
Warnings! My second Kakashi fic sO. Also Genma, wow!! Character interpretations, beware. But more importantly: Gore, murder, depiction of dead bodies, graphic violence (I mean it), torture, BUT ALSO: a very fluffy, happy ending, so: angsty/dark with a super happy ending. Trust me guys
My long overdue christmas present for @kuramakakashi !! I started this back in November because I knew my schedule would be too damn busy. And what do you know, I still royally missed the timeline.
Once more words fail me to tell you how much your constant support in all things writing but also in general means to me. I’ll always look forward to your messages, Lee, ilysm bestie 💖💖💖💖
Read on AO3!
“Use lethal force if necessary.”
You frowned.
Tsunade’s mien was dark, her hands clamped down tightly in front of her on the ancient desk behind which all the Hokage before had sat. It was a heavy order, but your leader’s fierceness was unmistakable.
The foe had been described as vicious, cunning and - having a partiality for slaughtering civilians on the border of the Fire country.
What’s more - Tsunade considered a squad of no less than three jonin necessary to take them down.
Genma shifted his toothpick to the left side of his mouth. His forehead was wrinkled by a slight frown. “With all due respect, is it not the Mizukage’s duty to take care of their missing nin?”
You had wondered about that, too.
Next to you, you thought to hear Kakashi hum lowly in agreement.
Tsunade’s gaze narrowed slightly. “Do you see her shinobi chasing him down?”
Genma gave a caustic snort, but you beat him to the answer - anger prickled under your skin. “No, I get it. He’s not murdering water country folk, so the Mizukage doesn’t care.”
Kakashi finished your sentence with a dry, resignated huff. “And we can't sit idly by, of course.”
Tsunade sighed and leaned back in her chair. “There are no words I can offer to make this better.”
You propped your hands up on your hips and sneered slightly - you wouldn’t dare to do more, no matter how much Tsunade might agree with you - but your voice was dripping with sarcasm. “To sum it up: We are to hunt down, restrain or kill if necessary, a missing class S nin from Kirigakure, former ANBU, specialised in poisons and espionage. Easy.”
You thought you heard Kakashi cough next to you.
“Oh, all because he was fortunate enough to escape his own county, of course,” you added, prompting the tall, white-haired man next to you to give you a riddled look.
Tsunade shoved the mission details in three envelopes for each of you your way. “Y/n, you have such a brilliant, sharp mind. It never ceases to amaze. Dismissed.”
Tsunade always had an endearing way of saying piss off.
Snorting, you snatched the envelopes from the desk, shoved them towards Kakashi and Genma and turned towards the door of the office. Your teammates followed you silently, albeit bowing politely to the venerable Hokage, which you conveniently had forgotten to.
You also had an endearing way of telling someone, you, too.
Truth be told, you were buzzing with excitement at the prospect of the mission. Not many would - it was dangerous, it was work cut out for someone of your level.
The only thing you weren’t so sure about were your assigned team mates.
Genma? Sure enough, a loyal companion through and through, a man you’ve shared many a campfire with and had gone through hell back on missions you chose to be buried deep within your memories. If you ever had to name a confidant within Konoha, it’d be him. And you were sure, he’d do the same.
Kakashi, however…
Silently, the three of you were leaving the Hokage building. In front of it, Kakashi regarded you with the same riddled look had given you at your cranky remark. He crossed his arms. “I suggest we prepare ourselves and head out as soon as possible.”
Your gaze narrowed. You wanted to spit back a caustic remark, but something held you back. “Yeah,” was all you muttered.
Kakashi shunshined away with a little wave.
Genma rolled his eyes. He followed you as you turned towards the path to your home - the Nara compound. Or well. The collection of houses it was, nowadays. “Well, you’re not prickly at all today,” he drawled.
You turned to give him a little smirk over your shoulder. “No more than usual, I assure you.”
Genma’s eyebrow drew up lazily. “You sure?”
“You aren’t?”
“I’m wondering if it’s got anything to do with our third man, but,” he raised both palms up defensively as soon as he recognised your mien clouding over. “that’d be wild, no?”
You clenched your teeth. A little. “It is what it is, Genma,” you hissed. Alright. Your teeth clamped down so hard your jaws hurt.
He scrutinised you a moment longer before he let out a long, exasperated sigh. “Watching the two of you interact is giving me headaches.”
Instantly, you halted in your tracks and whirled around; your pointer finger pressing into his flak vest. Your nostrils flared - Genma, of course, was unimpressed by your show of fury. “Not my fault, Genma,” you spat.
You had made your feelings obvious. Kakashi’s presence gave you these stupid flutters in your heart, he made your chest warm in ways you first considered unhealthy - you found yourself thinking so often about the way the skin around his eye wrinkled whenever he smiled under that dumb mask-
You had sought his company, he had readily provided it - the two of you had laughed, shared stories, you two had felt good -
________________
The fuzzy warmth of the sake had spread inside and warned not just your stomach but your heart and tongue alike.
Kakashi’s cheeks were glowing, what little you could see under the mask.
You giggled a little. Most customers had cleared out of the restaurant and it had become quiet. You shuffled closer to him, to his warm side.
Kakashi’s gaze was alight. The corner of his eye wrinkled in a telltale way. "You're cuddly," he murmured, no, cooed.
You giggled accordingly. "I am."
For a moment, you just lingered. It had been another of these long days - you'd been training and tearing the field apart, rested blissfully and shared a meal after. You were surprised Kakashi had agreed to sake, as well, though.
It had made this loose - more than pleasant.
You breathed deeply. Kakashi’s fresh scent seemed more intense than ever. The side of your face nuzzled into his shoulder.
He hummed a little. You thought his body had gone stiffer - his breath a bit faster.
"Kakashi," you whispered.
"Y/n," he breathed, lightly.
You spoke before thinking.
"You make me feel lighter. It's as though anything could happen, it'll be easy. My heart flutters, I feel… hopeful," you smiled.
Your gaze drifted up to his face.
His mien had become rigid. Just like himself. Kakashi swallowed heavily.
Your hand grasped the fabric of his shirt instinctively. If he were to speak now, you were sure you did not want to hear it. The moment was too vulnerable. You were woozy from sake, lighthearted.
He didn't speak.
But that, it seemed, was more damning.
As though struck, you shrunk away from him. Curled into yourself a little, your gaze did not dare to gaze back at him.
Kakashi’s breath hitched. It sounded strained.
________________
Anytime you dared to do so much as move a little closer, compliment the way Kakashi made you feel or simply how happy you were, this man had frozen up completely, looked away, shivered.
Only to come around again.
Pretend as though he hadn't just rejected your advances. And be just like he had been before again.
You were confused, at first.
He was - apologetic? You became hopeful - and the pattern… repeated.
You first had stopped to act that comfortable around him - but he had not, he had sought your company, your proximity - all of it.
And then when you did again, too-
He froze up again.
It hurt.
By now, you were sure he was just toying with your feelings.
Genma closed his eyes slowly. “Yeah. Sure,” he muttered, showing your hand away slowly before indicating for you to get along further on your way. He walked next to you now, hands shoved deep into his pockets.
Your arms were clasped around yourself, you breathed evenly.
You heard Genma take a deep breath. Instantly, you wanted to tell him off - the topic was closed as far as you were concerned; discussing Kakashi amounted to nothing but painful longing.
But you didn’t.
“I don’t think Kakashi wants you to feel this way, though,” he murmured finally, so quiet you shot him a side glance again to find him gauging your reaction.
The corners of your mouth turned downwards - a painful ache had settled into your chest, turning the fuzzy warmth Kakashi once caused there, long since a foul shadow, into an agonising sensation. You breathed deeply. “Yup, he makes it obvious,” you replied curtly.
Genma sighed again, deeply - suddenly, the weight of his hand was on your shoulder, squeezing the flak vest and it slightly. “Y/n, I really hope you’re gonna understand.”
You blinked at him.
He wiggled his toothpick around. “Sometimes you’re just dense as hell, is all,” he continued, patting your shoulder again.
Why was he doing this?
“I think I understand just fine, thank you very much,” you whispered back - low, haunted. Pained.
Was he purposefully twisting the knife?
Your lower lip quivered.
To your utter shock and horror, your dear friend merely shook his head. “I don’t think you do.” His arm wrapped around your shoulder quickly and squeezed you close to him, pulling you along as you walked towards the street where both of you lived slowly. “We have a mission now,” he added quietly.
Despite his cruel words you found yourself relaxing into Genma’s embrace slowly, nodding. You didn’t want to think about Kakashi, about Kakashi’s easy company, about how you laugh together, how comfortable you feel-
How he bolted-
How he kept coming around-
You shook your head. “I think I should have all the supplies at home.” You hoped, anyway. Otherwise, you’d be in for another trip before your departure.
Genma hugged you a little closer. “Yeah. Can’t wait to get this party started,” he added, resigned.
No need to be so thrilled, you figured.
________________
True enough, you found everything you needed at home. Thankfully, you had stocked up just a few days ago after returning from your last mission. Kunai, paper bombs, other tools - everything you needed you shoved into the compartments of your flak west and the belt bag you had donned. The focus helped chase away the lingering ache of your conversation with Genma, which still rang so oddly harmful. You hoped you wouldn’t jump right at Kakashi’s face for it, but your professionalism would save you from that.
Hopefully.
Besides, this wasn’t new - this terrible game of back and forth between you and Kakashi had been going on for quite a while now, each stretch having been more of a torment than the one before.
You sighed as you smoothed over your bed sheets. You didn’t like returning to a messy room.
Locking the door and leaving your venerable ancestral home, you weren’t surprised to find Genma waiting outside - engaged in lazy conversation with Shikaku. Conversely, he always was faster preparing than you were.
The men waved both as you approached them. Your distant relative’s scarred face stretched with a smirk. “Sounds like you have a lot of work cut out for you, Y/n.”
You gave Shikaku the same smirk. “Naturally. Special assignment, and all.”
His mien became softer. “So I heard.” He knitted his eyebrows in a slight frown. “Take care of yourself out there.”
You breathed deeply. Shikaku’s unspoken concern would always remain one of the few things to seep through your caustic armor of straightforwardness. After your father’s death he had become a surrogate parent - initially you had rejected him and claimed he simply did so out of clan leader duties. Yet the man’s everlasting patience reigned you in, got you back on track and made your shinobi skills blossom.
You owed him more than you could - or wanted to - comprehend in words.
Genma wiggled his toothpick again. “Ready for a fun time, then?” His tone was so flat you assumed ‘fun time’ meant ‘sleep’. Which probably was what Genma would’ve enjoyed most at this point.
You smirked a little again. “Let’s hunt a crazy Kiri nin.”
Stepping forward, you hugged Shikaku tightly - his was even tighter. You breathed in his familiar scent - a warm hearth, the woods, petrichor.
Home.
Just a moment later, you parted.
As you agreed, you met Kakashi at the gates of Konoha. The man’s hands were shoved into his pocket and he was looking into the far distance, his back turned to you. Slowly, an arm rose up in greeting even before either of you were able to do so much as utter a word.
“How does he even do that, seriously,” you rolled your eyes. Neither of you had made a sound in your approach, true to form, of course.
“Can probably smell your recent contempt a mile away,” Genma replied drily.
You gave him a dark look that sufficiently shut the man’s mouth before another sarcastic remark would come up.
Kakashi turned around finally. Briefly, he gazed at Genma before his black eye settled on you. You wondered if he smiled under his mask - he had those wrinkles around his eye. You also hated that you did wonder about that.
“The dossier said our target has last been spotted in the far east near a small village,” he explained softly in his low, easy voice. His gaze did not wander from you. Genma huffed. “Nearly wiped it out. I suggest we go there to hunt for clues and ideally, our man.”
You nodded. “Let’s not waste time.” As exciting as this manhunt was, people’s lives were at stake.
In an instant, the three of you were up and about towards the east - it would take a few days to travel there, you dismally realised. Jumping from tree to tree, the exercise of travel itself helped alleviate the festering ache that still wanted to gnaw at you. Occasionally Kakashi looked over his shoulder at you - a gaze you’d want to describe as soft but refused to - whilst Genma’s eyes were straight ahead.
Silently, you recounted the information from the dossier which you had, of course, diligently studied before your departure, as well. The mark was one Kuriso, former ANBU, as identified by eyewitnesses when compared to the data available. A tall man with black, shoulder length hair and a gaze you’d just describe as mean. Such was easy when the next few paragraphs were lengthy descriptions of the bloodbaths he had committed near the border to the Water country and finally, in the east of the Fire county. What little Kirigakure had offered about him did not fit the profile - apparently he used to be a quiet man with the most lethal poisons available. Which made you wonder just why now he had decided to become a mass murderer - but then again, in Kirigakure, stranger things had happened.
When you brought the discrepancy up to your companions, both men offered low grunts of acknowledgement. “Perhaps someone’s using him,” Kakashi had postulated in his usual quiet, thoughtful manner.
“Jeez,” Genma huffed. “Then we need to hunt that person, too.”
“Maybe so,” you muttered quietly. It was a possibility. Right now, none of you had any information to further judge. “Or maybe he just had a change of mind and finally started to show his true heart,” you grunted drily.
Between his jumps, Kakashi’s black gaze wandered back to you. There was a question in his glance you could tell, but he did not speak - a certain vulnerability you could not put your finger on.
“What,” you snapped when the man couldn’t open his mouth.
“Wondering about such a change of heart,” Kakashi replied quickly, staring ahead again.
You opened your mouth to deliver a scalding reply to what you considered a taunt, but Genma’s firm voice cut in. “Both of your glorious theories aside,” he gave you a pointed glance when you seemed like you wanted to speak again, “we need to consider our camp for the night.”
“There’s a village we can reach before night falls,” you supplied quietly, staring at Kakashi’s silent back.
With ease you managed to reach the small village just as the sun set. A day worth of traveling like this had you exhausted and your companions did not seem less drained. The only inn unfortunately had just a single room available, so it would be a rather cozy night.
"I'll take the far right side," you announced, pointedly stalking towards the wall and rolling out the futon the inn had provided. It had seen better days, it seemed.
Genma and Kakashi shared a look.
"I can sleep in the middle," Kakashi offered quietly, cautiously glancing your way.
Genma wiggled his toothpick.
Your gaze narrowed instantly to shoot a glare at the masked shinobi. There he was again, being nice, being friendly being - there-
Genma hummed. "Yeah, right. I'll take the left side."
Your eyes widened. What was he thinking?! After all he said?
Genma did not even spare you a second look as he rolled out his futon on the far left side of the little room.
Wordlessly, Kakashi took his place in the middle.
You pointedly turned towards the wall.
Kakashi huffed behind you, such an easy, lithe sound that nearly was lost on you - were you not entirely tuned to his lingering presence.
Why did he have to be in the middle?
"Are you alright, Y/n?" The inquiry came just as soft. As though he really did care.
"Fine," you spat against the wall.
He became silent. You did not like that. You wanted him to keep talking - but he was always so understanding, he'd respect your reply-
"That did not sound fine," he breathed, you thought you heard the hint of a chuckle. Was he amused by your plight?
Ire washed away any of the silly, contradictory feelings that might’ve been zigzagging in your mind. "And why do you find that funny?"
No sound came from behind you. Not even so much as a hitched breath.
Frustrated, you turned - but just enough to glance at him from the side.
Kakashi’s black eye was trained on you. If there had been mirth in his mien before, it was gone now. "I don't," he whispered, for your ears only.
Your teeth clenched. "Then why, Kakashi," you hissed, barely.
His eyebrow furrowed knowingly, slowly. Silence stretched for a few agonising moments. Each passing second you wondered whether you wanted to know his answer.
"Perhaps I'm covering something up with a chuckle."
He had finally breathed, so quiet you thought you'd imagined it.
You hated beating around the bush.
That was what you always did - Kakashi became elusive but yet never stepping away.
You propped yourself up on one elbow. Your frown deepened.
Kakashi drew in a deep breath.
"Listen, Kakashi, you don't get to-"
"Can you two fucking talk outside?!"
Both of you winced.
Genma seldom had sounded so… pissed off.
You swallowed. "Good… night, Kakashi," you spat, turning back to the wall.
"Good night, Y/n," he answered, as soft as ever.
________________
The scene was grisly.
The three of you had agreed unanimously to search the last attack site of your target for clues - if you were lucky, Kakashi’s ninken would even pick up a trail.
You had expected havoc - the killer's brutality was unparalleled, at least as far as your experience went, anyway. Kakashi seemed less fazed, Genma… was Genma.
"Jeez."
He had almost spat his toothpick out.
The small farmhouse near the unfortunate, now abandoned village had been burned down to the ground. But the bodies had not been charred alongside it - no, they were outside.
Spread, in fact.
In pieces.
You didn't gag. A cold shiver ran down your spine. You counted three individuals by the number of unique body parts.
"Judging by the bloodshed, they were still alive," Kakashi evaluated, walking over to a mangled torso.
You frowned. He was right - this kind of slaughter had drenched the soil red. The miserable stench told you it had been well over twenty-four, if not thirty-six hours. Revulsion formed a lump in your throat you forced down. Silently, you joined the silver-haired man.
Kakashi sniffed the torso. Now, you almost did gag. "I cannot smell poison. But we can't rule it out."
"It must be," you judged swiftly. "No animals touched the corpses.”
Kakashi clicked his tongue.
You continued. "This was the scene of murder either way. You'd think this method however causes too much … noise," you tilted your head to inspect the cuts on the grey, dead flesh. Clean. You frowned. "He carries a weapon. And enough force to… chop someone apart. But the victims were not … resisting?" The work was frighteningly clean. Carefully, your kunai cut where once an arm had been attached - a sample you placed in a vial you procured. If it was poison, it had to be analysed. The odds were high - according to the profile and circumstance.
Genma had been walking over the small field, taking it in in its entirety. "It doesn't seem to get less messy anywhere, either. Hm," he hummed, wiggling his toothpick. "I'm kinda wondering about the brutality. What's the point? He's ex-ANBU. This is barbaric."
Your gaze swept over the gory field. "I don't think we can answer that question yet. But it matters not."
Kakashi’s gaze swept over the carnage. "The more we know about him, the better," he mused, his hand rubbing over the line of his jaw.
You turned towards Kakashi again. "You think this method of butchering has a meaning?"
The black eye fixated on you, but he didn't move more. "You said it yourself. We don't know yet if it does. Genma is also right, however. He is ex-ANBU. I don't expect any sort of unnecessary… work."
You crossed your arms. Which meant the mark had done all this for a reason. The implication sent a cold shiver down your spine. "He would not be the first to fall to bloodlust or madness," you suggested.
"No," Kakashi countered, "and it would fit such a depraved profile to main his victims. But these people carry no signs of a struggle. There's more to this."
You wanted to make a caustic remark about dismemberment making a struggle difficult, but you refused. It seemed indecent.
He was right, anyhow. Your eyes closed briefly, your jaws worked tightly as you pondered. "In that case, it seems the act could be born out of more than sick pleasure indeed. Something we need to be aware of."
Genma huffed again.
"Jeez."
________________
Pakkun had managed to pick up a faint trail of scent that led into the vast forest bordering the farmhouse.
"Been days though, boss, he's far away," the pug had warned.
"It's our best lead for now," Kakashi urged.
Again, the four of you were flying, jumping, sprinting through lush Konoha forests. You were racking your brain for answers to the questions the grisly scene had posed. A pattern in how the body parts had been placed? Not really. Anything of the bodies missing? Not that you could have seen. But without autopsy, it was impossible to tell.
A jutsu?
That possibility made you most uneasy.
"Are we getting any closer?" Genma yelled after a while of silent travel.
"Yep, think so," came the pug's swift verdict.
"Can we catch up today?" It wouldn't do you well to force an encounter after hours of travel. But if you rested, you might lose the trail.
“Nuh-uh,” the hound replied, “that is, not if you wanna meet him in daylight.”
You frowned. Battling an unknown foe in the dark was risky. But your strength were the shadows. In fact, dusk - or even night - would make you nigh unstoppable. On cue, you exchanged a look with Kakashi and Genma. The former’s eyebrow was drawn into a deep frown. “It still is risky. We gleaned almost zero information on him, Y/n,” he warned, reading your mind.
Normally, you’d have smiled a little at how Kakashi did that. He always would. Yet the moment you wanted to, your expression soured - he kept on doing this, he kept on twisting the knife-
“I agree with Kakashi,” Genma huffed, just in time before you’d spit unkinder words once more. “We need more intel.”
“Then we’ll camp in the forest tonight,” you concluded quickly. At least you’d have your space tonight. Though you instantly found yourself wondering if Kakashi still would speak to you, even if it was ever so briefly.
Just as dusk broke, you decided to camp on a small clearing. Pakkun decreed the target still was far enough away to not stumble over the three of you accidentally come night and he had a comfortable lead in his nose still. Really, it was a solution you could work with. That was, if you ignored sleeping on the ground without bare necessities. None of you had packed for a night in the woods. It was manageable - but not pleasant.
If anyone made a suggestion about huddling for warmth, you’d meet them with the sharp end of a kunai. The summer temperatures were good enough for that, at least.
The men were sensible enough not to. Partly because again, you pointedly turned your back to them after the matter of the first night shift had been discussed.
"I'm going to take the second one," you curtly announced, volunteering for the most unfavourable one as it meant a disruption of your night's rest.
Kakashi’s jaw shifted. "I could-" He began softly.
A dark glare from you silenced him.
"I don't need to, of course," he resigned. You detested that the defeat in his voice still managed to tug a rotten heartstring.
Genma on the other hand? "Awesome, I worried I'd have to take the crap shift. Thanks a lot, Y/n!" His glee was unmistakable.
You just had rolled your eyes at him and not even listened to who'd take the first and last shift.
You found out, of course, when Genma rattled you awake.
"Rise and shine," he grinned.
You rubbed your eyes. "Mhm. Sleep well."
"Oh, I will. And, Y/n?"
You blinked sleepily at him.
"If I hear any fucking word of you and Kakashi when you wake him, I'm going to make you both pay." The toothpick wiggled dangerously.
Defiantly, you jutted your chin forward. "Why would I talk to him more, huh?"
Genma leaned down. "Because you should. But not tonight."
Anger had you bristle in the fraction of a second. If there was so much of a shred of sleepiness left in you, Genma had blown it away. "You-"
"Nighty night," he chimed, turning away before you had a chance to start your tirade.
Well, unless you wanted to wake Kakashi. But that seemed too cruel. Your friend already had laid down, his back, too, pointedly turned towards you.
You huffed.
Sometimes, Genma was an ass.
You perched yourself on the rock in the clearing and tuned entirely into the sounds of the forests. The rustle of the underwood, creaks, snuffings. The neverending hum of a biome that was second home to you. Every Nara knew a forest like their own heartbeat. These woods were calm right now. Unless Kuriso of Kirigakure was as versed a ranger as you were, he was not near right now.
Why had the killer retreated here? A forest offered shelter, fair enough. He could hide here well. But Kuriso could not fathom yet you were hunting him. He could guess the Hokage would not idly watch - but to run here now, coincidentally just as you began chasing him? Strange.
Which could mean he had acquired something that had prompted him to return here.
From killing all those people?
But what could that be?
A cursory examination of the body parts had revealed nothing cut away and missing. They had begun to decay, sure enough, but not so much you couldn't tell. If he needed blood, he could've found an easier way to … extract it.
You rubbed your temples. There hardly was any kind of deranged jutsu you could think of that required human sacrifice, blood, or whatever else he might have gleaned from these unfortunate souls. At least, a jutsu that made sense in this context and would lead to such … results. But then again, the world was an enormous place. And Kirigakure a faraway hidden village.
Anything was possible.
You couldn't help but to feel more alert now. Your target had gone here to not be disturbed.
Maybe you should strike first?
The rest of your shift passed uncomfortably fast. Silently, you snuck over to where Kakashi had laid down.
The man was awake already, staring at the starry sky.
Your eyebrow rose slowly. "Insomnia?" Again? You knew it was common with him. You also had fairly good ideas as to why but enough decency not to ask about it. Along with the same kind of decency, your venom would hold back.
A little.
Kakashi’s gaze shifted to you slowly. "Mhm," he hummed near silent.
For all your chagrin towards this man, this circumstance - what you knew about him, to have been subjected to a fate that robbed him of rest still - the festering wound in your chest throbbed a little less.
You crouched down next to him. "Kakashi," you began softly.
He blinked once. Perhaps there was caution in his glance.
"I've been thinking a lot."
"I'd imagine so, during a lonely night shift," he replied easily, in his soft tune.
Irony. How quaint. "I figured it is strange the target chose to retreat here now, after sticking to villages and streets beforehand. He could not know the Hokage sent us now," you explained.
As you talked, the tall man shifted to a cross legged sitting position, rubbing the side of his jaw with a hand. "You're thinking he got something that requires being unperturbed for a bit," he finished your thoughts quickly.
You nodded. He did it again.
"It would most likely serve us well to interrupt him," he added, further complimenting your line of thought.
Before you knew it, a smile tugged on the corners of your lips. Another reason Kakashi’s company was so easy, so delightful: a bright mind yours seemed to link with, no matter what subject.
Why did he have to react so averse to your advances?
"Y/n?"
You blinked. "Sorry?"
"You seemed … upset, a little," he uttered, cautiously.
Slowly, you closed your eyes. "I'm thinking about changes of heart, is all," you sighed, submitting to the ache that pulsed where your heart would be. Throbbing, rotting.
Kakashi hummed a low tune. Just when you thought he wouldn't reply anymore, you heard him inhale slowly. Your eyes opened to find the black stare on you - with unmatched intensity. "They need time and patience," the sincerity in his voice was shattering.
Time and patience.
Maybe you'd just get over this man.
And stop coming around yourself.
"I'm glad you're here," he added.
On cue.
Your heart throbbed again, sluggishly, festering. You blinked, heavily. "Sure," was all you could offer suddenly, a certain defeat deafening you. Who were you kidding? You weren't going to stop anything, you probably loved to torture yourself.
Kakashi’s gaze was soft, his voice a supposed soothing balm you desperately wanted but still felt like ripping at your heart just for hearing it. "Rest, please. I'll watch, now."
You'd curl up not far away from his watchful eye. No matter what you'd trust this man blindly.
You just wished he cared for more than your physical well-being.
Summary: You’ve been in love with him for a long time, yet things with Kakashi Hatake were complicated, to say the least. Finally left with with a remainder of pain and your best friend Genma, who keeps nagging you on, you are presented with a dangerous mission: to track down a serial killer. Your team? Genma and Kakashi, of course. Sometimes, the heart needs time. And the right incentives.
Part 1
Length: 4,700 (part 2)
Warnings! My second Kakashi fic sO. Also Genma, wow!! Character interpretations, beware. But more importantly: Gore, murder, depiction of dead bodies, graphic violence (I mean it), torture, BUT ALSO: a very fluffy, happy ending, so: angsty/dark with a super happy ending. Trust me guys
Second part of my long overdue christmas present for dearest @kuramakakashi!! 💖💖💖 I hope you all enjoy. Let me know what you think!
Read on AO3!
The next morning came as swift and harsh as you had expected it.
Without breakfast and at the first light of day, Pakkun followed the trail of your mark again. That was, as far as possible.
Abruptly, the pug stopped in the middle of the looming, dense vegetation of the forest. His nose pressed to the ground. He growled a little. "The trail," the small head rose up, "it's… splitting?"
Immediately, you began to scan the surroundings. As inconspicuous as anything else was - the towering trees did not let much light down to the ground, but nonetheless some resilient plants would grow in the thicket. You frowned. No signs of a camp that might explain more trails. But - it was quiet.
A little too quiet.
"He definitely was here," you judged finally.
Kakashi’s gaze was as critical as yours. "He left no trace. Why pass through here multiple times?
Genma bared his teeth a little as he wiggled the toothpick. "I don't like this."
Truth be told, you didn't either. Once more the enemy had placed a puzzle in front of you. Except this time the urge to solve it was more pressing. You inhaled deeply. "We must split if we are to pursue him further," and the suggestion did not sit well with you.
And fair enough, protest followed quickly. But to your surprise, from one silver-haired man - vehemently, in a stern way. "No," Kakashi’s gaze fixated you. "That is too dangerous. We cannot risk that."
You stared back at him - wondering if you'd let your abused heart indulge in that rigorous protest. For a silly, silly moment it seemed a tad too intense.
Kakashi’s eye never left you.
Genma cleared his throat. "We gotta find him somehow. If we split, we can't engage him, but at least one of us will be able to follow."
Unmoving, your gaze wandered to him - Kakashi’s stiff posture opened up towards the second man, but if anything, he seemed incredulous. "And what if he notices? The person in question is in grave danger," he insisted.
For a split second, he looked at you - but as you blinked, he was staring at Genma again.
Who shrugged. "You'd think it's part of our job to stay hidden."
You rolled your eyes. "If every shinobi did their job we wouldn't be here."
Grunted approval from both men followed.
"I agree with Genma, though. I don't see any other way."
Kakashi's breath hitched. He crossed his arms in front of his chest. Instantly he looked back at you - the dark eye bored into you. It was easy to hold his gaze. You wanted to. He swallowed. "My summons will accompany each of you. If you find anything, they'll go find the others."
A moment you simply held his gaze, the attention, the feeling. You nodded then. "That's a sound suggestion."
Genma clicked his tongue. "If you're finished then," he pointedly cleared his throat, "we had better get going."
______________
Your appointed companions were Pakkun and Bull - the gargantuan mastiff that the pug seemed to appreciate for the ride he offered. It was only fair, Pakkun had explained, he had run so far already. You didn't exactly mind, or cared, anyway - all you cared about was finding Kuriso at this point.
Your trail was leading west. Pakkun and Bull were silent unless prompted to speak and since you were not inclined to speak either, it was a quiet trek. It was preferable that way anyhow. The mind raced like this.
You recounted the information on the target.
And then there was this nagging image seemingly burned into your retinae.
Kakashi's intense gaze, fixated entirely on you.
The foul heartstrings wanted to delude themselves into thinking it was more than just caring.
If Shikaku knew how frazzled your mind was, he'd scold you.
He'd actually cuss you out.
Your teeth clamped down so hard your jaws hurt. You had to stop this nonsense-
A piercing scream ripped through the woods.
Abruptly, everyone halted.
"A woman's scream, I'd wager," Pakkun supplied frighteningly neutral.
Not just a scream. That person was in utter, immeasurable agony.
You overstepped the implicit emergency to analyse the situation: the forest was dense and there was no village this way. The odds of a human being, in peril? Low. That was, without an ex-ANBU of Kirigakure on the run. Kuriso could have a hostage. There was no telling if someone had not been carried away from the carnage. But no sign of a struggle and such happening, either.
You frowned.
Pakkun raises a paw. "His scent is getting stronger, too. Pretty sure he's close."
"Any other scent?" Your voice was strained. You should get in there - but if you acted carelessly, you might be in mortal danger yourself.
The voice wailed again, the agonised sound almost too much to bear.
Both hounds shook their heads. "Just the guy, Y/n," the pug mused.
Had Kuriso covered the tracks and the scent of a victim? It was not impossible. It just didn't seem the most plausible, either.
"Either he's torturing a hostage or this is an elaborate genjutsu." But his file had no information on genjutsu abilities.
Pakkun sniffed. "Don't like the sound of those."
You straightened your shoulders. You needed to make a decision.
Now.
"Go find the others. I'm going to investigate. Even if it might be a trap, I will not risk him mutilating another person."
You felt caged after the decision. Locked in.
Pakkun and Bull nodded. In an eye's blink, both hounds had scattered to where Kakashi and Genma would be.
You inhaled deeply and followed the sound of another tormented scream.
Closer and closer to where it had been - your heart pounded. Adrenaline drove your senses to unnatural perceptions - the woods didn't just seem alive anymore, you had become part of them. A silent shadow that flitted through the trees, like the deer your clan cared for.
Yet the forest was deadly silent.
Kuriso was close.
You must not let him spot you first.
The near unbearable yell hollored through the thicket again. It could not be much further - and sure enough, you spotted a small clearing ahead. You cursed. It was broad daylight. A clearing offered little shadows nor any hiding spots. Even if it was tiny.
On the other hand, if the man was on it, you'd be able to scout easily from the woods.
The last few jumps you made were calculated.
Silent.
And there -
He was.
A haughty man of forty years, tousled shoulder length black hair, dressed in a tattered, black Kiri ANBU uniform. His arms extended to the sky.
No woman anywhere.
Fuck.
You approached as close as you knew the woods would shelter your frame safely. From a branch near the clearing, you had a perfect vintage point.
Kuriso reached for another vial in his belt pouch - and let it fall to the ground.
The woman's scream shot straight through your bone marrow at this distance.
A liquid?!
That was - you didn't know whether to be shocked or impressed.
Your fingers and feet tingled a little. Kakashi and Genma needed to hurry up.
Kuriso had meanwhile rounded the small clearing once. He was rummaging around in his pouch again.
The tingling sensation increased. Your arms and feet felt heavier. Maybe if you shifted a little? The crouching position was awkward to hold for a time.
You intended to move your weight around your haunches a little-
Only to find your strength gone.
No, no, no-
Your balance tipped, and like a statue you fell forward - unable to move your arms to clasp around the branch you had just sat on.
You might as well have alerted Kuriso with a scream like the ones he had been releasing. The impressive creaking of twigs and the low thud of your body was fine, too.
Limp, you stared to the side.
Footsteps came closer. Clapping of hands.
"Ah, ah, I wondered how long it'd take until a valiant Konoha defender came here," the man's smooth voice purred from over you.
You could only move your eye to see Kuriso towering over you, grinning.
Sickly.
Uncomfortably tender he grasped your arms and turned you on your back before dragging you towards the clearing.
Your heart hammered against your ribcage and the blood rushed through your ears. You wanted to yell. Get up. Fight.
But you were rendered motionless and at a madman's mercy.
You were - afraid.
In the clearing, the ex-ANBU circled you, the dark gaze scrutinising you closely. "Interesting," he mused, "I'd ask questions but as you noticed, it would be futile to. Right now anyway. The poison will wear off soon and you'll be able to speak first." He crouched down next to your head.
You didn't look at him anymore. What last possible defiance you had in you, you'd fully use.
He just chuckled. "Surely you're not alone. Konoha shinobi never are. I'm guessing your companions will arrive soon. And when they do…" His hand gripped your jaw so lightly to turn your gaze his way, the indignation that flared inside of you hurt.
"... they'll also fall out of the trees like vermin, thanks to my gas bombs."
You closed your eyes. Fucker. He had this planned.
Of course.
Why, oh why, had you not seen this earlier? A poison master, for crying out loud! His file might not have noted anything of this caliber, but still!
Suddenly, Kursio hummed ominously.
As if this situation could not get any worse.
"I think, though, until then, we can start. I mean, we'll be bored otherwise. Right?"
He wagged your lower jaw in mock agreement, chuckling revulsively.
A cold shiver ran down your spine. The images of mutilated bodies flashed before your inner eye.
"You see," he began, reaching into his pouch again. "I'm developing more substances. Currently, I have a rather fascinating one I think you'll test out for me. I made some adjustments after my last experiments."
Experiments.
These poor folk had been experiments?
The picture was becoming clearer to you. And the more it did, the more you wanted to shut your mind up. And not think about helpless, defenseless people - poisoned - and then cut apart.
Your vision became blurry. Your heart was going to jump out of your throat now.
And you still could not even move a finger.
Kuriso wagged a vial filled with a transparent liquid in front of you. "I'll inject this marvel of toxicology into your left calf," he explained with a sadistic grin. "It's a neurotoxin that stimulates pain nerves. The last version was too potent - my volunteers asked me to remove their limbs, would you believe it?"
Your world was becoming a tunnel. Was this going to be it? Some sick missing nin torturing you until you begged for death in the middle of nowhere?
"But I adjusted it. Now, I think you'll be in an adequate amount of pain to not move when the paralysis wears off. Of course, we'll check if you still feel other pain."
You'd never see Shikaku again or play shogi with him. You felt as though you hadn't told the man thanks often enough.
"I'll give you a light amount of my antidote for the paralyzer, just so we can talk about the effects, once it's taking full effect. I'm excited to hear your thoughts."
And you'd…
You'd never get to tell Kakashi.
Tell him to make up his mind.
That you still loved him.
That you loved him.
And he'd have to truly push you away and out of his life to make that stop.
Forget all the times you reacted venomously towards him.
You regretted them now.
You wished you understood him, too. There must be a reason, no?
"Now then, let's begin."
There was a little, innocent prick in your left calf.
It started slowly. An uncomfortably warm sensation, at first. It crawled up your leg, you wanted to pull away from it - you couldn't. The warmth began to increase - burning up, from your calf now radiating all the way up to your abdomen.
Uncomfortable became sizzling. And sizzling became searing. The pain burned away from your leg, consuming your thigh, your abdomen, your thorax - an immeasurable amount that eclipsed all other sensations.
The hum of the woods was gone.
Your loved ones' face - gone.
The fires of agony were starting to eat you alive whole you - you could not even whimper.
A stray tear ran down your cheek.
"Fascinating," Kuriso hummed next to your, nonsensical blathering you all but ignored.
Someone.
Anyone.
Help me.
"I'll give you a little bit of the antidote for the paralysis now. Let's hear your voice," perhaps a sharp object pricked the side of your arm. It was laughable.
All you did was scream from the top of your lungs a second later.
The agony never faded. It seemed to have reached its torturous pinnacle - even the last bit of you on fire, raw pain etched inside all of your completely still body that seared, burned - that was brutalised every passing second.
You howled, you sobbed, but it didn't end.
The man's voice was thoughtful. "Interesting."
You thought how satisfying slitting his throat would be.
"Yet you do not beg for death. I consider that progress."
"Fuck… yourself," you hissed pitifully, groaning right after.
He clapped into his hands excitedly. "Ah, insults! You haven't even broken yet! Wonderful, keep on talking!"
You wondered if you'd manage to spit on him. But you did not want to risk slobbering yourself. Instead, you clenched your teeth. Perhaps with silence you might just piss him off more.
Kuriso's mien fell. "That's unfortunate. I thought we could chat more. Still, this is good. The effect of this poison lasts several hours, at the very least. I'm going to enjoy spending it with you and your companions."
Your eyes widened.
Kakashi.
And Genma.
You had a voice at least.
From the top of your lungs, you hollored. "Stay away from here! He's using poison to paralyse you!"
Kuriso's hand shot to your mouth, pressing down harshly. His expression was frigid. "Now that was not very nice. I think I'll amp up the intensity of the experiment."
You pressed out a muffled snarl. The anguish was strumming the strings of your abused nerves still. You thought you'd have to hurl from sheer pain alone. But somehow - somehow your outburst felt like a little victory.
Maybe they had heard you.
Maybe they wouldn't suffer like you did.
A sharp, slicing sensation spliced the pain somewhere below in your body. Your legs, probably. You couldn't tell anymore.
You howled again as the burn and the cut were competing for the worst agony possible.
Kuriso's grin shifted again into your field of vision. "Still feeling like snitching on me?"
Miserably you whimpered.
"Pathetic," Kuriso spat.
Once, you had read an entry in a journal about the psychological aspects of interrogation. It said that subjects might proverbially rear up one final time, just before they break - the last flicker of a flame, right as it dies out. Be it aggression, despondency - anything.
Perhaps it was that.
Perhaps your fragmenting mind had a moment of lucidity right before you'd be begging for someone to end your torment.
"Stay away from here! He's using poison to numb you!"
Your scream was so distorted - a raw screech yelled so quickly the message might be lost in the sheer agony that was behind it.
"Stay-"
A hand choked you.
Kuriso's face was right above yours suddenly.
"Perhaps you're not worth it."
He squeezed.
Well, that might have been fucking easier than expected.
The air sizzled with energy. An ominous cracking sound followed.
The sound of - birds chirping?
Kuriso was ripped away from you.
You gasped for air, sucking in oxygen desperately.
"Take care of him, Genma! Y/n is bleeding heavily!"
That voice.
Kakashi.
Tears rolled from your face.
Genma seemed to confirm the order - the sound of hounds snarling and barking accompanied him.
Through your blurry vision, you saw Kakashi's face hovering over you. Even with the mask, it was contorted by fury and - worry. For the second time, the agony seemed eclipsed.
By - relief.
"I'm sorry," he breathed, just as his arms reached under your limp shoulders and legs. A moment later, your head lolled back and you flew through the air, Kakashi pressing you tightly against his chest.
His heart hammered wildly.
You focused on that. Not on the smothering anguish that was encroaching on you again.
He jumped a few more times - then he stopped, gently placing you on the ground.
You didn't want him to - it made the pain worse.
"Y/n," he rasped, his gaze wide, the sharingan stark red against his pale face. His hands shook. "He cut your left leg. I need to- you're bleeding profusely," the urgency in his voice, you clung to it.
"I c-can't m-move," you hissed shakingly past your clenched teeth. "P-poison."
"I know," Kakashi's tone became darker, an undercurrent of deep, lethal fury swung with it. "I heard, Y/n."
At least you had managed that much. You closed your eyes. Your heart was beating faster now, your breaths came more shallow. There was just so much stress you could take, but the pain was not ending.
It seared on and on.
A piercing sensation ripped you out of your resignation. You whimpered again.
"I'm sorry," Kakashi whispered, shaking his head. "I need to see to this. You'll lose too much blood. I know it hurts. I'm sorry." It pierced. Again and again.
You couldn't even wince if you wanted to. It was insignificant pain anyway.
What truly hurt was Kakashi's gaze - haunted.
Horrified. You'd seen him like this before. On very distinct occasions.
The death of his teammates. His teacher.
The treachery of his subordinate.
And now seeing you was harrowing him.
A different ache settled in, worse than the poison's burn: your heart squeezed painfully.
"It's alright," you whimpered. You wanted to nod. And comfort him, maybe, as ridiculous as that was.
Kakashi’s bi-coloured gaze flitted to you. You thought you saw the muscle of his jaw flex. He was breathing heavily still. "No. Nothing is, Y/n," he shook his head, and resumed stitching your leg up.
It was unfair. So much about this was - unfair, you should lay it out, speak up, but your strength was failing you, the excruciating agony sapping the life out of you and the emotions were - too much.
Tears welled in your eyes again.
"Make it stop," you whispered, pleading.
Kakashi stilled. Horrified, he turned to you.
"I can't take it anymore," you whimpered, "end it. Please."
"Y/n," he shifted closer again, eyebrows knitting. "It's temporary. Don't make me do this," his voice was faint. And just as desperate as yours. As though he shared your pain. Breaking, cracking.
"But I can't anymore. I'm suffering," you wailed each word letting what little resolve you had crumble, the pain magnifying just as you finally gave in. It was worse, worse than everything before.
Kakashi's eyes widened. His hands grasped your face firmly, tilting it sideways to look at him.
You thought his thumb stroked your cheek.
"For you," he breathed, his tone breaking.
A moment later, the hilt of a kunai hit your temple.
You were out cold.
Finally.
______________
You woke to the sound of birds chirping. Warmth caressed your face. Yet what overwhelmed you was a whole different thing.
You were not in pain anymore.
You breathed easily, free.
Your eyes fluttered open - sunlight filtered through the window right on you. Reflexively, you moved your hands, feet, arms: and exhaled deeply again.
You could move.
Tears welled in your eyes again. It was over. It really was. For that moment, it was just you and your quiet sobs. You allowed yourself to, right now - you didn't cry, often. Right now it felt liberating to. Everything else that happened could wait.
Life, as always though, did not wait. A knock on the door interrupted your tearful meditation. You stared at it. Blinking. You realised you were at home, actually - in your room; in the exact state of organised chaos you left it in.
And if you were home…
"Come in," you croaked, clearing your throat after. Your voice was abused. Raw. Of course it was.
A scarred face stuck his head in. Shikaku was frowning. "I heard you crying, Y/n."
You rubbed your eyes. "I'm fine now." As fine as you would be, anyway. A memory bubbled up - abruptly, you shoved the blanket aside to find your left thigh bandaged.
More pictures flashed past your inner eye each time you blinked; in each of them you saw Kakashi's horrified, helpless face.
Your breathing picked up again.
Shikaku entered your room quietly. Without a word, he covered your leg again. "It'll be a nice scar," he rumbled, sitting down on the side of your bed. "The guy cut deep. Kakashi saved your life. He's got many talents, but sewing wounds or medical jutsu ain't one of them."
Your hands raked through your hair.
Kakashi.
All he had said to you.
His look.
His caressing thumb on your face.
You still felt it.
You swallowed heavily.
"Y/n," Shikaku pulled you back into the present, firmly but gently. "You're safe now. Your squad apprehended Kuriso. And thanks to your courage, he didn't trap you all."
Courage. It hadn't felt like that.
Nodded slowly, "Is Kakashi-" you shook your head once. "Are they all- are they fine?"
A dark eyebrow rose. "They are," he replied slowly. "In fact, one of them is here to see you. Been eager to, in fact. I'll fetch him."
Before you could ask who it was, Shikaku had slithered out of your room.
Just a few moments later, a pale man with silver, spiky hair stood in your doorframe. His black eye scanned you as if he had to convince himself it was seeing right.
You smiled weakly. "Hey," a wave of your hand.
Kakashi frowned slowly. He still did not move an inch. "Are you alright?" The question was laced with worry - but not just that. There was an unbearable amount of doubt - of guilt - in it.
You remembered, of course. You breathed deeply. "I am, thanks to you," you patted your bed. "Don't just stand there. Come in."
Kakashi eyed you a moment longer, seemingly confirming the information himself. Just before you were finding unkinder words to make the man move, he turned to close the door and moved to your bedside. There was a dark ring under his eye. He seemed haughty. Insomnia, of course.
"Kakashi," you breathed, now flooded with guilt yourself. If you had been stronger. If you hadn't made him-
"I heard your screams," he blurted suddenly. His gaze dropped to your leg. The jaw worked hard under his mask.
You closed your eyes. Of course he had. Shikaku had confirmed as much. "I had to warn you-"
"It wasn't just that, Y/n", Kakashi interrupted you. His voice shook a little - enough to make you open your eyes again and find the man trembling - a slight jitter as his hand ran over his mask. "I saw the bombs emitting the gas with my Sharingan. We dismantled them from a distance. But you - you screamed, and I couldn't help you, even after we were done, the gas hadn't dissipated yet, you were there, he was torturing you, I could not do any-"
"Kakashi."
You leaned forward to grasp his shaking wrist. He didn't look up yet, but you dared to stroke the exposed skin of his forearm. He stilled, a little. Carefully, slowly, he held your arm, too.
"Those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash," he whispered, haunted.
"No," you retorted, firmly. That nonsense had to stop now. Kakashi bore enough guilt on his shoulders already.
You would never, ever add to it.
"Because you stayed back, you saved me. How can you not see that?"
His eye lifted, slowly. He dared to gaze at you, timidly. You tugged at his arm, and he slumped down on your bed, at your side. His breaths still came fast and through his arm, you felt the tremor of his muscles still.
"Maybe I could've gotten to you sooner. I saw him cut you, choke you, you were hurting-"
"Kakashi," you cut in sternly, frowning deeply. "There was no other way. It'd have done us all no good if you'd been paralysed, too." Gently, your thumb stroked his arm more. "You got me out. And saved me. I'm immeasurably thankful."
He closed his eye and took a deep breath. The trembling seemed to still - either he was forcing himself to calm down, or he believed you finally. You desperately hoped for the latter. Reassuringly, you rubbed his arm more.
"Y/n," he began again finally - more firm than ever before since he entered this room. "Seeing you like that," he swallowed. "It was driving me insane. For a long time I thought to admit this was too dangerous, that I was undeserving. But to even believe for a moment I might lose you, lose you without telling you, it nearly broke me." His tone bore a shattering sincerity.
Your heart fluttered. It skipped and jolted against your ribs. All the foul strings, the rotten, sluggish notions and movements were rejuvenating uncomfortably fast. Dangerously so. You almost didn't want them to. It was too good - hope was such a sharp blade to cut yourself on. And you didn't know if you could take pain again.
You swallowed. "Kakashi, plea-"
"Y/n, I love you."
You stared at him. The world stopped for a moment.
It was his hand caressing yours now, gently, carefully. His gaze was cautious - hopeful, but utterly wary.
"I have for a long time," he amended when you still had not found your resolute voice again. "But I did not allow myself to. I thought I was unworthy, that I could-"
"Kakashi," you interrupted him.
He swallowed heavily. His caressing stilled.
Your hand reached for his face, cupping it. The man exhaled slowly, nuzzling into the touch lightly. Your thumb caressed his cheek. Warmth spread inside of you, the hope solidifying to something stronger than anything else you've ever known.
"I've cursed you for seeking me out but seemingly playing with my heart," his voice gasped uncomfortably, but your thumb gently silenced him. "Nothing changed. I love you. Always have."
His eye closed and you could tell his smile from the way the skin around his eye wrinkled. Tenderly, you pulled him closer to you. Kakashi shuffled to you, an arm encasing your shoulders. His other hand pulled his mask down, slowly.
Your eyebrows rose up a little. "A mole?"
He just rumbled a deep chuckle, flashing a canine set of incisors before his hand reached behind your head to pull you closer.
For a moment, all you could see was his face, the adoring, pleading look of his eye; the bashful smile. The gentle way his hand stroked the back of your head asking for permission - you dipped in ever so slightly, Kakashi breathed as he kissed you.
Your arms wrapped around his chest as your mouths melted into one another, gentle at first, then a bit more urgent. Your hand roamed up to grab a fistful of his hair - more smooth than you imagined it to be. He sighed softly against you, his hold around you even tighter. His heart hammered against his ribcage just like yours.
When he finally pulled back, his cheeks were flushed and you gasped a little.
"That was long overdue," you teased.
"Changes of the heart," he mused, "they take time." His eye rolled a little. "And sometimes, a lunatic poisonmaker."
You simply giggled and kissed him again.
______________
No more than a day later you were up again and started to take a walk through the streets. Kakashi’s arm was firm around your shoulders - so much so you were certain if you felt faint, he'd scoop you up right away.
You blushed a little at the thought. Just today, you'd allowed yourself that.
Just as you exited the Nara compound, a familiar face greeted you.
You both waved.
Genma rolled his eyes so much they nearly fell out.
"Jeez. Took you both long enough."
You frowned. “What happened to Kuriso, actually?”
Genma grinned. “Got struck by lightning somehow. Right in the heart. Would ya believe it.”
A decision Akiko Uchiha, younger sister of Madara Uchiha, believes in with all her heart - and yet one that seemingly cost her everything. But for as long as she could remember, she had one dream: peace. And for this dream, she is forced to give up everything indeed. Yet sometimes the brightest things are born of the deepest tragedies and thus, when Akiko Uchiha took up her arms and ran, she had no idea what fortune had in store for her.
Warnings: Grapic violence, (canon) character death, canon violence, enemies to friends to lovers, slow burn, hurt/comfort
Length (this chapter): 6,8k. Chapter thirty of Akiko’s story. Inbetween. Nothing comes without a consequence. In the worst despair, truth prevails.
Important note! I won’t update on tumblr anymore. I have a number of reasons for this really, I don’t wish to get into them here. Irenic very much continues, just on AO3. Maybe I’ll keep an updated masterpost or once in a while a comprehensive update, idk. Anyway! Yay for 200k. Thanks for reading and as always, thanks to the wonderful @kuramakakashi for being a wonderful beta-reader!
Read here on AO3!
Excerpt below:
Akiko’s eyes flew open.
The sunlight was bright, the smell of the room unfamiliar. Clean. Right across from her was a window, but from this angle she’d only see a clear, blue sky. Her head snapped left and right in an instant. It was a small room, there was a cabinet on a wall; the door seemed to be situated on the wall adjourning the headboard of her -
Bed?
She looked down on her immediately. Clean, white sheets.
Soft cushions. These seemed to befit a feudal lord more.
Akiko blinked several times. Luckily, the Senju kamon was emblazoned on the cabinet - else, she’d genuinely have worried where she might be. With a groan, she finally recognised the blunt pain that seemed to be settled so deeply into her muscles and joints. She wondered if it’d ever go away.
Then again, she was alive.
She hadn’t been so sure if she’d ever open her eyes again.
The ache seemed to spread everywhere - except her left arm. Reflexively, the woman tried to flex her fingers in both hands.
Her left arm wouldn’t obey.
In fact - the whole limb didn’t appear to be there.
Ice-cold panic shot through her veins faster than her right hand could scramble to pull the blanket off of herself.
No, no. This isn’t happening.
Her heartbeat was hammering at the back of her skull when her bandaged torso revealed itself to have, in fact, two appendages - but her left was wrapped in a white bandage all the way up. A small relief, albeit short lived. It did not change anything about her initial finding. With a trembling hand and hasty, frightened fumbling, Akiko started to claw at the wrappings that covered her left arm.
