#self edification

[rbghousewifebibliotheca]

The Kybalion

Three Initiates 

[watemon]

Intelligent emotion

I’m making a decision. It’s a decision I’ve made before, but I find myself having to choose it again and again. Which there’s nothing wrong with that.

This choice brings with it much anxiety. The road ahead is not simple and will take a lot of time to accomplish. The journey feels like a lonely one, which always makes it feel impossible, but what I know is that I am not alone. I am surrounded by people who know and understand me, and even some who have been down this road themselves, still traveling on the journey.

The decision also brings regret, that I never made this choice back when I was in school. That I had an opportunity and resources to indulge in this journey when it would have been much easier and fit more into my schedule. But I know that this regret serves no function other than to remind myself of my mistakes. Mistakes are not bad. They are unfortunate, but they happen and I’ve learned from them. I’ve learned about myself and I know who I am now. Those mistakes put me on that path, so in that way they were necessary. But the regret is superfluous. I don’t need it anymore.

I’m deciding to become a programmer, to learn programming languages. I am going to walk that path.

I know where I’m headed, and truthfully this is part of a longer journey. My interests are a bit more broad and abstract than merely getting a job in computer programming or network engineering. These are just goal posts along that journey, opportunities to learn more about myself and this journey as a whole. My interests are more scientific and academic than they are economic. My endgame is to be a part of something a lot larger than my job, to continue to engage in the intellectual pursuit in which I’ve found myself these last few years.

I want to discover. This journey is one of discovery, of finding something new. I started this journey alone, but am willing to bring along and include as many interested parties as possible. On my own, I’ve found myself on the threshold of something marvelous, a potential revolution.

I’m grateful for what I don’t know, for without ignorance I would never know where to look for answers. Without ignorance, I’d never recognize the new, or the profound. I’m grateful for the people in my life who acknowledge and encourage my curiosity. I am grateful for the opportunity to teach myself, that I live in a time where self-edification on this level is even possible. I’m grateful because I don’t need to be in school, that I can embark on this journey without need of license from any institution or individual.

Knowledge is a gift for everyone who seeks to find it. I am most grateful for the possibility of truly finding something no one else has ever found. Not because I might be the first, but because I might someday get to share something with the world.

My wish is to eventually become a scientist, to embark on the last great adventure afforded us in this time and place. That is my end goal, to be more than just a worker but an adventurer. To encourage others to embark on this same journey.

[creepercollection]

Megazord Role Model Worksheet

I posted recently about an old journal entry of mine from a couple years ago. I went through this process immediately after a break up to get my eye back on the ball. It worked tremendously, and although it went through scores of changes since then, I thought it would be good to demonstrate how it started. If you think it might help, below I have provided the blank worksheet to fill out yourself. If you want to follow along: you can open my worksheet in the next tab.

MEGAZORD ROLE MODEL EXERCISE!1!!!!111!

EXERCISE A: To begin, go through your favorite books/movies/tv shows/video games and find characters that you had crushes on/heavily admired. Pick a few, (five should be enough), and one by one list all of the qualities that attract you to each character. Divide these qualities into categories of the physical, mental, emotional, (If you want to understand my philosophy of dividing people into these categories, we can talk about that in a later post). In addition, to be safe, make sure you list qualities that you know are faults, even if they don't bother you.

1-5. 

Physical: List

Mental: List

Emotional: List

Flaws I don't mind: List

EXERCISE B: Next, review your lists and, with them, create a new list. Look for similarities, look for stark differences. Are there similarities or differences outside the bullets? (ie: Similar choices of career path, similar backgrounds. Are their recognizable attributes to past people you've dated? Be sure to make note of everything that comes to mind. Remember this doesn't have to function like a quiz, this is a journal entry prompt). If there are stark differences in your characters, think about what that might communicate.

Physical: List

Mental: List

Emotional: List

Similarities: List 

Differences: List

EXCERCISE C. Now that you have listed all the traits that you seem to admire, prioritize them in the following bullets. Feel free to add things outside of the physical, mental and emotional. (ie: Similar choices of career path, similar backgrounds, POSITIVE attributes of past people you've dated). Remember; as long as you are open to modification and compromise you can set your sights as high as you want. Conversely, this exercise is searching for the ideal, so don't settle for anything less than what you want on paper. 

IT IS NECESSARY THAT: List

IT WOULD BE NICE IF: List

IT IS IRRELEVANT IF: List

CAUTION IF: List

ABORT MISSION IF: List

Poof. Megazord.

DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE DONE HERE.

EXERCISE D. Now that you've developed your Megazord Role Model, go back to its individual parts; your character crushes. Look at these crushes' spouses/love interests. (1) Make a list of all the noticeable characteristics of these characters and then (2) see which of these characteristics you could use to describe yourself. Do you have a lot in common with these characters or do you differ? Make a Venn Diagram or something...

1. Spouse characteristics: List

2. My characteristics: List

So, what have you accomplished? By this point you should have a grasp of an ideal partner. And hopefully, with Ex. D you've addressed what this ideal partner is looking for and whether you might be something this potential partner is looking for.

What I'm trying to say here is, this exercise isn't just about making a list to hold potential suitors up to. This should also produce a list to hold up to yourself. In what ways can you better yourself to be an ideal pick for your ideal partner? Please note I specifically used the word "better" as in "make better", as in "good", as in "healthy". Anorexia, self-deprecation, or any other self-harming behavior does not "better" you. It worsens you. You don't think you're fit enough to keep up with parkouring Aladdin. TAKE A DAMN PARKOUR CLASS. JOIN CROSS FIT. Is your Megazord Role Model looking for an outspoken partner? Think if that's something you want to be. If it isn't, what about your Megazord Role Model needs to be modified to account for WHO YOU ARE AND WANT TO BE?

These are examples. If you have any questions, send them to my inbox. But get creative. Enjoy the process. This is to educate yourself on yourself. You can't find your Megazord if you don't know who you are, Because they won't know who you are either. So start inward and work your way out!

<3