#self exploration

[hairmetal666]

Steve goes to a gay club for the first time alone. He and Robin, they'd talked about it since moving to Chicago, but every time they made plans he got cold feet.

But on a random, rainy Saturday with Robin back home in Hawkins, he decides fuck it, puts on his sluttiest jeans and polo, and goes to the damn club. He's sick of being nervous--he's going to make out with a guy for the first time tonight.

The club is crowded, loud, sweaty, the energy a pulsing wave. He's overwhelmed immediately, but it's invigorating. He pushes towards the bar, orders a beer, then cozies himself against the nearest wall.

He sips his drink and watches beautiful men dance and kiss and play, and he wants to be part of it, get out there, find his own person to get close to but--

What if none of this is for him? He feels out of place in his clothes, with his hairstyle, an old version of himself that doesn't belong in this world.

There's a swell of sound at the bar, and he glances over, expecting drunks or fighting. Instead, he sees a guy who makes his plans to leave slip straight from his mind.

He's unlike any other person there, even within his group. Long, curly hair, visible tattoos, ripped black jeans, a faded black t-shirt under a big leather jacket. He moves with purpose and grace, obviously uncaring about fitting in.

Steve can't stop watching him, transfixed. He buys another beer, settles back against his wall. He knows it's weird, but can't bring himself to care. Not when it's helping him feel more comfortable in his own skin.

The guy, he's vibrant, the brightest spot, his laughter reaching Steve even over the pounding music.

He's beautiful.

The lights flash, illuminating his face and recognition hits Steve like a fist. It's Eddie Munson, former freak of Hawkins High.

Steve's spine straightens, chest tightening. He can't believe--I mean there were rumors about Eddie in school, but he's here, right now, in Chicago, and Steve--Steve--

He abandons the remains of his beer, rushing out the door.

---

Steve goes back the next night.

He doesn't mean to; didn't have any plans to do it, but the clock turns to 9 and he pulls on the same slutty jeans, this time with an old blue t-shirt a size too small.

It's not because Eddie could be there again, he reassures himself as he shows the bouncer his ID. It's not like he wants to see him or has been thinking about him nonstop. No, it's because tonight's the night he finally makes a move. He needed a test run to find his footing, but now--

Eddie's at the bar. His hair is pulled up, loose tendrils around his face. No jacket this time; the rolled up sleeves of his black t-shirt showing off his wiry muscles, the swirling ink of his tattoos. Something low and hot clenches in Steve's stomach.

There's no way he's going to be preoccupied with Munson tonight. He came here to flirt and dance and maybe get lucky, and he'll ignore Eddie. He will.

Steve orders a beer, sits at the bar this time, his eyes lingering on black ink and pale skin. No matter how hard he tries, he can't seem to tear his eyes away from the ease and assurance Eddie moves with. He's so unafraid to take up space, it's intoxicating.

He loses track of Munson when he orders a second drink, his face no longer immediately visible in the crowd. Disappointment sinks his stomach until a voice to his left says, "You better be planning to buy me a drink, pretty boy."

The voice is low, oddly melodic, and he turns to find Eddie Munson's sparkling brown eyes gazing down at him. He's surprised, hides it, says, "Sure. What are you having?"

Eddie's mouth opens, but his eyes narrow. "Wait--Steve Harrington??"

"Um." His mouth goes dry. "Munson. Hi?"

"I--uh--wouldn't think this was your scene." Eddie shifts back, puts distance between them, and Steve hates it. Hates that Munson thinks the space is necessary, hates that he used to a person that made people feel that way.

"Yeah, well. A lot has changed since high school."

"Is that right? Surely not this much."

"Wouldn't you like to know."

Eddie's eyebrow lifts, but his mouth is a tight line. "Have a cigarette with me."

Steve nods and follows him out a side door into a narrow alley. Eddie pulls out two cigarettes, hands one to Steve. There's something about the cold politeness that sends a fizzle of disappointment down his spine.

"What brings you here?" Eddie asks.

"To Chicago or to this club?"

"Don't be cute."

"Can't help it." He smirks and Eddie rolls his eyes. "I moved to Chicago three months ago with my best friend, Robin. I'm at this club trying to explore my bisexuality."

Eddie's in the middle of taking a drag, splutters on the smoke. "Holy Shit."

He shrugs, knows he's blushing. "What can I say? I've spent the last few years learning about myself."

"And one of the things was that you like dick?"

"Looks like it."

'Well, goddamn, Steve Harrington."

"Impressed?"

Eddie licks his lips, steps closer. "Maybe I am."

"I aim to please." Steve lets himself grin.

"I bet you do," Eddie's voice goes even lower, and heat dances deep in Steve's stomach. "Wanna dance?"

"Thought you'd never ask." Steve blinks up at Eddie from under his eyelashes.

They go inside and join the bodies packed on the dance floor. At first, they keep their distance, dancing and laughing with an arm's length between them, but it's not long before they're drawn together, arms twining, legs pressed together. Their eyes lock, Steve can't look away, wouldn't even if he wanted to. Eddie's hands go to his waist, pull him closer.

"You're gorgeous, Harrington," he says it with his lips pressed to Steve's ear, goosebumps spreading across his skin.

"Yeah?"

"Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course."

Eddie's mouth presses closer. "I used to have the biggest crush on you in high school."

"Fuck, Eddie," he says. "That's so--"

"Weird?"

"Fucking hot, dude."

"Can I tell you another secret?" Eddie's voice is all rumble.

"Course,"

"I can't stop thinking about kissing you."

"You could do something about it."

Eddie smiles, eyes going darker, almost predatory. He leans in, their breath mingling, Steve's hitching.

"You sure you want me to?" Eddie asks, mouth barely brushing Steve's.

"Please," and it comes out like he's been punched.

He thinks the kiss will be hard, hot, but Eddie's hand is gentle as it cups the back of his head, slowly pulls him in. It's a soft meeting of mouths, almost tender. His head is swimming, blood thrumming low and hot and sweet. He parts his lips and then all he can feel, taste, sense is Eddie.

It cracks something inside him, and his fingers dig into the fabric of Eddie's shirt, eagerly licking into his mouth. It must crack something in Eddie too, because he's hauling Steve impossibly closer until his legs have to wrap around Eddie's waist, or they're falling.

They break apart with a breathless laugh, both red cheeked and bright eyed. They don't move apart, instead they dance and make out until the music stops and the lights come up.

Eddie twines their fingers together as they walk to the exit, Steve sweaty and elated and a little head over heels.

Out on the sidewalk, basking in the cool air, Eddie stops him. "Can I--uh, take you for a drink? Or back to my place? I don't--not to assume, but I--"

"Both. Anywhere," Steve laughs. "I don't want this night to end."

Eddie's smile is brilliant, heart stopping. "Your wish is my command."

[vintage-tigre]

[poke-me-with-sticks]

hmmmm

okay notes game bc I'm bored

(repeatable and @ people if u want when reblogging)

we'll do 100 notes and I'll try doing a simple drag look (simple/shitty makeup and a very simple [drag] outfit)

and at 250 (tmr ref) notes I'll post a pic of me in drag

[zer0bee]

So I've been having to do a lot of self reflection lately and I've begun to realize some things about me. I don't think I'm monogamous despite how much I'd like to be but at the same time I'm not trying to join a polycule. I like to have lots of close friends and be comfortable flirting, hanging out, and some nsfw stuff together if they're receptive but thats about it. The only reason I say not a polycule though is because I may be aromantic but I'm still navigating those emotions so we'll see. In the meantime I'm exploring my sexuality and kinks with some very supportive and open minded friends thankfully. Unfortunately it has caused some problems here and there but we resolve them as we go. So uh yea I'll go over my kinks some other time lol 💜💜💜

[h0neymoon08]

I can’t believe some women have never orgasmed, it’s literally magical

[coziercloud]

°❀. A Stroll in Your Garden °❀.

Journal Prompts: understanding who you are and a glimpse of who you want to become. "To be cringe is to be free."

List 5 traits you love about your and why you love them.

Add a sticky note doodle of something you connect with

What is stopping you from expressing yourself?

When no one is watching who are you?

What trait do you see in others that you wish you had? Why do you admire that trait? What is stopping you to have that trait?

Out of all your styles growing up, which did you like the most? Is there a way you can mashup all these clothing to create your own style?

What aspect of yourself do you want to show the world and why?

What aspect of yourself do you want to hide and why?

Are you truly living the life you want for yourself? Is what you express out to the world true to yourself? Why?

Did you always hide from the world or did the world tell you to hide?

If you were to start from a clean slate, will you still have the same personality? The same style? Or would you change into who you always wanted to become?

How do you find success and why is it important to you?

What does a “good life mean” to you?

Why do you connect with the core/ aesthetic you like? Do you truly like it?

What form of media truly speaks to you?

What is something you like but too embarrassed to create? Why is it holding you back?

How can you self soothe when met with moments of embarrassment and trying something new?

[astra-ravana]

Navigating Your Own Astral Mindscape

Your astral mindscape is the personal, internal realm of your consciousness—a vast, shifting landscape where your subconscious mind, spiritual essence, and energetic body converge. It is both a sanctuary and a place for exploration, healing, and self-discovery. Learning to navigate this space can deepen your understanding of yourself, enhance psychic abilities, and strengthen your connection to astral realms.

Understanding the Astral Mindscape

Your mindscape is a mental-astral projection of your consciousness, shaped by thoughts, emotions, memories, and subconscious symbols. It can appear as:

• A dreamlike world with familiar and unfamiliar locations.

• A personal temple or sanctuary where your energy resides.

• A labyrinth of shifting symbols, reflecting deep psychological and spiritual truths.

• A gateway to deeper astral realms, spirit communication, or past-life exploration.

Unlike traditional astral projection, which involves traveling to external astral planes, mindscape navigation is an internal journey where you explore and shape your own inner reality.

Preparing for Astral Mindscape Exploration

Before diving in, set up a safe, focused space for practice:

1. Grounding & Centering

• Breathwork: Slow, deep breathing to calm the mind.

• Energy Anchoring: Visualize roots growing from your feet, grounding you into the Earth.

• Mantras: Use affirmations such as “I am safe. I am in control. I navigate with clarity.”

2. Creating a Protective Shield

• Imagine a sphere of white or golden light around you.

• Call upon a spirit guide, deity, or guardian for protection.

• Carry a protective talisman (such as a black tourmaline, pentagram, or protective sigil).

3. Setting an Intention

Before entering your mindscape, decide your goal:

• Healing past wounds

• Finding guidance from spirit allies

• Strengthening psychic abilities

• Exploring past-life memories

• Building a personal astral sanctuary

Entering Your Astral Mindscape

Method 1: Meditation Gateway (Ideal for beginners)

• Close your eyes and relax deeply.

• Imagine a doorway, portal, or staircase in your mind.

• Step through it, entering your personal mental-astral realm.

• Observe what appears—do not force anything.

• Move through your environment, noting landscapes, symbols, or beings you encounter.

• When ready, return through the portal, grounding yourself back in your body.

Method 2: Lucid Dreaming Entry (Best for deep subconscious access)

• Before sleep, affirm: “Tonight, I will enter my mindscape with awareness.”

• Keep a dream journal to track recurring locations, symbols, or themes.

• Use lucidity triggers, such as hand-checking or reality affirmations, to recognize when you are dreaming.

• Once lucid, shift focus inward, asking: “Where is my mindscape?”

• Explore with intention, gathering insights from your subconscious.

Method 3: Guided Visualization (For structured exploration)

• Imagine yourself in a void—a vast space of limitless potential.

• Picture the environment shaping itself around you- A temple, a forest, a castle, an endless ocean—whatever resonates.

• If uncertain, ask: “What does my mind look like?” and let the scene emerge.

• Walk through this space, interacting with objects, doors, or entities.

• Take mental notes of anything significant—everything has meaning.

Mapping & Interacting with Your Mindscape

Once inside, you’ll find key locations that serve as powerful points of transformation.

Common Mindscape Structures & Their Meanings:

• The Sanctuary: A safe space, often appearing as a temple, garden, or home.

• The Mirror Room: A place where you face your true self, hidden aspects, or past identities.

• The Library or Archive: Holds records of your soul’s knowledge, memories, and past lives.

• The Abyss: A void where suppressed fears, trauma, or deep truths reside.

• The Gateway: A portal to external astral planes or deeper subconscious layers.

• A Garden: Growth, creativity, and healing energy.

• A Castle or Fortress: Strong walls and locked doors. Your defenses, inner strength, and self-protection.

• A Dark Cave or Locked Door: Hidden trauma, fears, repressed memories, secrets, or untapped potential.

Interacting with Your Mindscape:

• Speak to Entities: Some beings may represent aspects of yourself, spirit guides, or guardians.

• Alter the Landscape: You have control—if something feels unsafe, change it.

• Write Everything Down: Keeping a Mindscape Journal helps track patterns and growth.

Advanced Techniques for Deeper Exploration

1. Shadow Work in the Mindscape

• Visit dark or hidden areas, recognizing suppressed aspects of yourself.

• Ask entities: “What do you represent?”

• Face fears safely by observing rather than reacting.

• Bring light into darkness, healing wounds by offering love and acceptance.

2. Strengthening Astral Constructs

• Create permanent structures, like a protection temple or energy wellspring.

• Reinforce portals for astral travel beyond your mindscape.

• Program guardian spirits or sigils into your space for continued protection.

3. Inviting Spirit Guides & Higher Knowledge

• Call upon deities, ancestors, or totem animals.

• Ask direct questions: “What must I learn?” and listen for responses.

• Receive symbolic messages, later analyzing their deeper meanings.

4. Astral Projection & Mindscape Expansion

• Find a high place (a tower, mountaintop, or floating island).

• Set the intent to project beyond yourself.

• Visualize leaving your mindscape while maintaining awareness.

5. Strengthening Protection

• A protective wall or boundary around key areas.

• A guardian spirit or familiar stationed at the entrance.

• A shield of light around yourself when exploring.

Safely Exiting the Mindscape

It’s crucial to leave your mindscape properly to avoid lingering in an altered state.

Closing the Session:

• Visualize returning to a door, portal, or staircase leading back to waking consciousness.

• Affirm: “I return to my body, fully present and grounded.”

• Take deep breaths and wiggle fingers/toes.

• Drink water and write down insights immediately.

Exploring your astral mindscape is a lifelong practice that deepens with time. As you return, you may find it changing—reflecting your personal growth and challenges. Trust your intuition, move at your own pace, and always practice with intent.

Relevant Posts

۞ On Astral Travel

۞ The Advantage Of Dream Work