#self feedback

[magicallyclueless]

rereading a farm in the forest: a ramble pt 1

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six

I’m going through my fanfic again so that when I resume writing, I don’t forget anything important. This fic started in 2016 and we’re going into 2019 now... so... whew.... it’s been a while. Feel free to read my thoughts or not; I just wanted a place to put ‘em. I’m going through 10 chapters at a time. Comments/feedback also welcome.You can read my fanfic here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7470858/chapters/16977999 There will be spoilers in these rambles if you want to read but haven’t. Chapter 1-10

Things I Liked

- All the characters have personality but not to a stereotypical degree. This is probably one of the better points of my fic so far.

- The dialogue wasn’t ever out of place for me

- Happy with how I included game mechanics in a more natural way, since being close to the game is something important to me

- Reading about the ruins was probably my favorite and I should really include more descriptions akin to it

- I’m glad I made Sebastian and Maru fight in the beginning, shows that just because Sebastian is the romance, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his dick moments

- For the most part, I didn’t make Sebastian being the romance option glaringly obvious (other than how he’s appeared a lot)

- The pacing is fine at this point, but it’s most likely that way since we’re meeting new people in every chapter and something is always happening.

- I’m glad Jade is her own character even though her flaws aren’t showing much at the moment, buuuut Things I Didn’t Like

- Jade’s characterization was a little inorganic and annoying for me in the beginning. Excitable is a trait that’s important (especially because it mellows out later) but I kinda hate how I shoehorned in video games and stuff. She legitimately enjoys these things, but in chapter 6 it felt like a real copout to have something in common with Sebastian.

- I feel like I could’ve cut out a lot of stuff about the past. Especially that stupid phone. I regret writing that in because it got me stuck later. I had a need to explain some stuff that I should’ve left out. There is also much more focus on her brother and I should’ve kept the parents out. I get too worried about people asking “well if she’s having these issues where tf are her parents?” I need to stop asking these things in anticipation and just go for what looks right to me.

- THIRD PERSON OMNISCIENT. Comes across as too cheesy. Some people might not care but god I want to tone down the personality outside of the dialogue.

- Sebastian not being an emo prince was important for me, but I also made him talk way too much in the earlier chapters. I really should have cut down his dialogue some, and also make him a little less nice to Jade even if he isn’t normally a dick to people, sans sister and dad.

- Robin, like Jade, was also a little too excitable for me.I think she’d still be very mother-ly and proud, but just toned down a little. I could’ve chopped a few lines, pun intended.

- I should leave out more finite details like Jade showering and going to bed at the end of chapters. Like, I feel like most of us can assume that unless I make it clear she hasn’t. Should probably note to pay more attention to clean appearances or to make it more organic rather than just stating a bunch of stuff that doesn’t matter much.

- With how Alex becomes a more main character I feel like he should’ve had more room to talk, but at least I showed he wasn’t a complete douche

- The descriptions are god awful, I know for a fact I tried to work on this though so hopefully it shows up later Overall

Not as bad as I felt like it would be. The biggest problem was including too much and not giving breathing room for readers. The first 4 chapters are the hardest for me to read, but it gets easier as I go on. I know I rewrote the first 3 chapters MULTIPLE times so at this point I’m just sick of looking at them since I’d want to remake them entirely. Same with chapter 6. But overall I do like the direction I was going. The ruins chapter was probably my favorite since it was something to give more context to Pelican Town. Let’s see how it pans out in the next chapters

[magicallyclueless]

rereading a farm in the forest: a ramble pt 5

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six

I’m going through my fanfic again so that when I resume writing, I don’t forget anything important. Comments/feedback also welcome.You can read my fanfic here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7470858/chapters/16977999 There will be spoilers in these rambles if you want to read but haven’t.

Chapter 41-50

Things I Liked

- Abigail is a character I had no idea what to do with, but her part in this chunk was extremely satisfying for me. She was trying to cope with issues she didn’t know how to deal with for years, and is finally learning how to. At the same time, Sebastian learns how to be more understanding and to jump to conclusions less often.

- The cursing actually toned down quite a bit, I guess I noticed it earlier on or it was just chance. There was an f word but that was about it, and it was pretty cute/funny. I don’t mind cursing, it was just a little overbearing for a while. Gotta find the sweet spot.

- The pacing’s been great. It’s been nearly a year in the story and a lot has happened, but it matches up with progress in the game which is pretty cool. Well, except for community center stuff, but I was always off course with that on purpose anyhoo. I can usually get married within 1 year in my game but I’m letting it last longer in this one, simply because they ain’t ready yet.

- Both dates were cute. I think at this point I’m good at writing about Sebastian. There were a lot of points I smiled and had warm fuzzy feelings because of the sweet stuff happening. There were 1 or 2 phrases that were a little much but it didn’t take away from my experience.

- The very personality-driven writing toned down for the better. By that, I mean there isn’t a “Wow! Yowza! That sure did happen!” in the writing. I know that’s an exaggeration, but I could’ve taken it down a few notches in the earlier chapters, so I’m glad I learned from it later.

- There really isn’t a chapter I didn’t like here. All of them were a lot of fun and had something important.

Things I Didn’t Like

- Remember when I said that the phone got me stuck? This chunk also shows some of that. The whole part about Jade being nervous going up to the master bedroom, and her removing some of the boxes. Initially, I was going to do more with that. I wanted to imply that there is old stuff Jade took with her that she otherwise shouldn’t have, and she was nervous about seeing it again. I either should’ve dropped more hints, or just abandoned this whole thing entirely. I don’t have to make specific excuses for why she didn’t go up to the master bedroom. (She did throw away this stuff later, and honestly I don’t see it coming back)

- I should’ve made it more clear that Jade got over her fish fear a little bit, but she’s still very much terrified of open bodies of water, and also to an extent, heavy thunderstorms. I’ll try to highlight this in the future if it’s relevant. In addition to the fish thing, she used to have recurring nightmares with a huge storm in the background. They’re very similar in that regard.

- Still some similar issues as before (grammar, same words, replacing names, etc.) but it wasn’t as bad this go around. I think there’s so much going on that you forget to pay attention to those things, unless you are EXTREMELY observant. Or I’m just getting used to the fic’s voice again, not sure.

Overall

Very exciting, got to do a lot of fluff I wanted, and I got to explore some characters that I otherwise haven’t explored much. Really, I think the main thing lacking in my story is that it could just be written better. But the story itself I’m enjoying, and I’m excited to get back to writing.

[magicallyclueless]

rereading a farm in the forest: a ramble pt 3

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six

I’m going through my fanfic again so that when I resume writing, I don’t forget anything important. Comments/feedback also welcome.You can read my fanfic here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7470858/chapters/16977999 There will be spoilers in these rambles if you want to read but haven’t.

Chapter 21-30

Things I liked

- The storytelling was much more engaging and the interactions with one another felt very natural.

- The romance buildup was much clearer in these chapters and I enjoyed how they panned out. It didn’t feel too rushed for me, or take too long. The only thing is that I should make clear what the days are (I usually have them written in my drafts and have the SDV calendar out in another tab) so that readers can also be on the same page.

- Robin chewing out both Sebastian and Demetrius was extremely satisfying for me. This showed in some other chapters too, but she’s officially over the “I AM THE BEST WHEEEEE” personality and her own thoughts and worries show clearer. Robin is a joy to write.

- Sam got to shine in this chunk too to show that he’s actually a very supportive friend who listens to Sebastian a lot. Since the focus is more on Jade and Sebastian over Sebastian and Sam, we don’t get to see this too much, but it’s really nice when it does happen.

- For Sebastian, this might make it or break it for some people, but his personality is very clear in these chapters and he really starts getting fleshed out. “My” Sebastian is an angrier character, who can flip out from a few words because he is so defensive and competitive. I think he’s also a very quiet character, but I enjoyed that I could write him like this. I feel like he’s a very emotional character hidden under the guise of someone who wants to avoid people, an introvert’s struggles. Also I didn’t forget he’s a big boy(tm) so he tries to prove it like in his interaction with Alex. In many cases, he’s calm and collected, quiet. But he’s also stressed and doesn’t have his crap together. It was a lot of fun for me to explore this aspect of him.

- Far less cheesier moments, and the jokes I made didn’t feel out of place or out of character.

Things I Didn’t Like

- I think after a certain point I became more comfortable with cursing and it shows in the writing. I hate this, because I had a language warning for one of my earlier chapters (the one where Shane entered) and from then on I didn’t really give much warnings. Luckily, I don’t think this bothers too many people, but I really should tone down on the cursing because it brings an unnecessary punch to some dialogue especially since the worst words were “ass” and “bastard” for a really long time. I do remember receiving a few comments about this too, and I really don’t blame them. If I ever rewrite I’d probably tone it down a bit. I’m not going to kiddify it, but language really does have its place. I think certain scenes were mellowed out some because of how I used strong language, but that’s my own opinion. I don’t know if other people feel the same on that. On that note, F U C K M A T H (fuck batman echoes in the distance)

- This applies to other sections too, but I’ve been relying too much on words like “expression” and sometimes having the same word in the same sentence, like, 3 times. I think at this point, the story is going really well, but my grammar and use of language suffers some. Also, I’ve totally seen complaints about this (but not necessarily my story) about replacing characters’ names with a trait of theirs, which is a habit I do have and it does feel annoying sometimes. Like replacing Sebastian with raven-haired, Robin with carpenter, etc. On one hand, I don’t want to say their name or he/she/they a million times, but I still get that it’s not the best replacement. Kind of a conundrum. Either way I’ll try to tone it down

- I probably should’ve explained Demetrius’ side a little more, but that’s kind of nitpicking at this point

- I get scared to put Jade in the spotlight, and sometimes this shows. I desperately don’t want her to be like a mary sue character (do people still use that term???) so I try to balance her screentime with others. Sometimes though, I think that means we don’t know very much about her, so people may not get very attached to her like they would the other characters.

Overall

I liked this chunk a lot more than the previous two. I felt there was a lot of substance and there was fluff and action all at once. I think Sebastian had great exposition, and in turn, Jade got to shed some light on her past a bit. While I had an issue with how fast they became friends, I think their growing affection for each other was fun to read about. I’m hoping the next 10 chapters hold up too.

[magicallyclueless]

rereading a farm in the forest: a ramble pt 2

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six

I’m going through my fanfic again so that when I resume writing, I don’t forget anything important. Comments/feedback also welcome.You can read my fanfic here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7470858/chapters/16977999 There will be spoilers in these rambles if you want to read but haven’t. I’m gonna start putting ‘read more’ in these, but hopefully you still check it out. ty love u smooch

Chapter 11-20

Things I Liked

- The descriptions are getting better, particularly environments. I felt like I did a good job with environments, especially the cave.

- Chapter 11 had pretty solid grounds and is probably the chapter I look at the most, in any situation, lmao. I got stuck for a while because I ended up doing some things differently, but with how I’m doing the tasks, it’s a lot of fun and I’m excited to show off the last 2 tasks.

- I remember working really hard on those action scenes and they look pretty good to me! I like how I made the bugs/slimes more in tune to their environment and they pose an actual threat beyond how a health bar would be in-game.

- I love how Jade justifies getting her farm animals. I dunno, it’s just cheesy but in a funny way. Like in real life it would be much harder to be a breeder or a farmer or anything, but it just fits the world in a silly way.

- Sebastian and Jade’s talk in chapter 19 felt extremely Sebastian to me, which is good. Especially in the earlier chapters where I felt like he was talking too much, writing from his perspective in this chapter felt great and I enjoyed how I used him. I still hate how I chose the third person omniscient perspective since it’s more of a cop-out for me (it’s my first fanfic ok), but it gave me the idea to write for Sebastian.

- I forgot how frequent Jade’s nightmares were and that they were so early into the story. I know this was a big push for her to get along with Alex, so I like that, especially since she traditionally wouldn’t get along with him.

- I did laugh at some of my dialogue not gonna lie. Especially Sam

- Maru’s development as a character has been really nice. I feel like she often gets the short end of the stick especially since Sebastian is the more popular bachelor in the SDV community. Even though Sebastian is my True Husbando(tm) I think it’s important to show that Maru has her problems too.

- Jade’s flaws start showing, which I think is important. It’s a lot easier to tell who she is as a character, and that she has more than “is kinda sad but excitable”. She’s a very reckless person despite caring about others, and also does stick her nose in people’s business too much, even if she feels justified for doing so Things I Didn’t Like

- THE PLURAL FOR JUNIMO IS JUNIMO. “JUNIMOS” IS IN MY WHOLE FIC. HOW CAN I CALL MYSELF A FAN

- Sebastian and Jade becoming more comfortable friends went by in a blink of an eye to me. I swear to God I read all the way through and I just don’t know how they became comfortable to the point of saying memey things to each other. I would have made the transition slower, or if I could go back (I won’t or else I’ll rewrite the whole story lmao, I need to at least finish it) I would make a first text chat between them and also tone down the memes a smidge.

- Some of the dialogue felt a little unnatural this time at the expense of jokes, and I wish I noticed this. I think I was too proud of the jokes I made to really go back on it. Especially since I tried to establish serious themes in the undertone (the nightmares, the stalker) from the beginning, I don’t want a massive genre change even if I’ll still have lighthearted moments.

- While I’m on that note, kind of a rant about earlier chapters still, but I shouldn’t have brought up anything about a stalker. To me, Jade was paranoid about a specific person and covered up the truth some to avoid getting too deep into it, but this is the only time I wrote the word “stalker” and I should do literally anything else. I think that confuses the story I’m trying to tell especially since she openly talks about it later. I might literally go back and change stalker into “someone” instead.

-While I think the dialogue in Ch 18-19 were done well, the descriptions of Jade from Sebastian’s perspective was overdone for me. I really should have skipped describing her face, because that felt like shoehorning in a romantic narrative. I think Chapter 19 was when he started to get a crush on her, but if I rewrote it I would have made it a little more subtle.

- I think a lot of it is my humor changing, even if it’s only been a few years. I had different friends and different experiences which I think influenced my humor a lot compared to now. I’m not as big of a fan of the campiness the earlier chapters had, so if I could, I would make it a little more natural/realistic. I do think that most people probably don’t care about this, but it’s just how I feel at my own work really

Overall

I think while the dialogue was consistently great in 1-10, the dialogue was hit or miss in 11-20 mostly because of the jokes I tried to make. I think specific chapters were WAY better than the previous 10 however, and my descriptions (especially environments) improved quite a bit. The characters are making more connections with one another. While I wish I made the transition to friendship with the squad a lot softer, I know I won’t have to worry about that kind of development all too much in the coming chapters. I’m hoping the next chapters progress much better than this and feel as natural as it did when I was making it. I didn’t feel that much this time sadly.