if i get one more dm on tiktok angry at me for leaving the marauders space i'm going to start sobbing. i can't even address it on tiktok because tiktok is the issue but oh my god. i have had So Fucking Many since april and they're all variations of "fuck you for giving up" "fuck you for making a safe space and then leaving" etc etc and it's like,,, idk lol. didn't feel very safe to me. forever grateful that it was for others !!! forever grateful to have helped people in whatever way but like. i'm first and foremost a trans person in the uk. i'm first and foremost a trans person watching all this shit with jkr and bathroom and the fucking echr go down. i was receiving disgusting shit daily on that app. i was watching people make videos about what a cunt i am for talking about jkr. i was deleting comments from people monitoring my Weight in videos. i was deleting comments of people telling me graphic ways to fucking die. i was watching people theorise about How Trans i really am. oh, messrsrobyn? didn't he post in a lacy top the other day? doesn't he wear makeup? idk lol i just don't think he's very trans. doesn't act it. look at how feminine his hand movements are and look at how girly his- SHUT UPPPPP.
i put so fucking much into my talks. maybe it didn't look like it because at the end of the day, it was just me sitting in front of my phone and talking. but so fucking much went into the resources i shared and the videos i made and the comments i replied to for further explanation or the comments i monitored so that others didn't have to see the shit i was seeing and constantly educating people and yes, i willingly did that because it is so fucking important to me that people engage ethically but.... idk. idk how to express how absolutely Draining it became. to be a Safe Space for people whilst your space has never felt less safe for yourself. like. idk.
the space is still there. these spaces are still here. and if you're somebody who was in my lil online bubbles for that comfort and that support, then i do truly hope that you know you can still reach out. you can still get that, even if takes me a while to reply as i deal with Things. you can still be in these spaces, they haven't gone anywhere.
i'm just not talking about the fictional wizards anymore because it makes me feel sick to my stomach and i do not know why i'm evil for that i'm gonna sob
instead of attacking trans people for leaving the marauders space, maybe look at Why they're leaving the space and consider what you could do to rectify the issues that made so many of us feel like it wasn't for us. because i am one of Many who realised it wasn't built for us over on tiktok. and we shouldn't have to feel guilty about that. we shouldn't be made to feel like we're the bad people for putting ourselves and our comfort first.
anyway. ranting. sorry. losing my mind. taking a shot for every one of those dms in my inbox (seeing sounds and hearing colours)