doing my new years post now because i am BUSY all day tomorrow and queuing posts doesn’t fit my energy and this account is retiring after this so HI HELLO !!! incoming long post to finish this era off <3
i went into 2025 with nothing but absolute fucking fear. and i could go into all the reasons why i was so terrified of it, and all the various reasons i was kind of right to be, but instead: thank you.
when i look back at the past year, there’s a lot of things that stand out to me and at the centre of all of them is Messrsrobyn. marauderstok. this account. all of you.
i made incredible friends that i’ve had the absolute privilege of meeting in real life, that i have plans to meet them more next year. so so so many travel plans and so so so many exciting things come up.
i had incredible experiences that i - as someone who was in speech therapy until the big age of 17 lmao - never would have imagined having. i’ve spoken at pride events, i’ve been an ambassador for charities, i’ve spoken at vigils and activism meetings and all of that is because of some dumb little tiktok page. and not just because of visibility, but because of the confidence yall gave me when you listened along to everything i said in the one space i could speak freely. my voice is unrecognisable today to what it was and that’s not just because of hrt. having a space to yap online did so fucking much for me. having people listen did so fucking much for me.
i got top surgery !!!! something that has never ever been on the cards because of my finances and my physical health, yet here we are !!! i put up a gofundme for the full amount expecting to get a little help, and instead ??? fucking hell, instead these lil spaces online raised over £11,000 just to make me feel more comfortable. 11 fucking grand. that’s insane and i cannot express how much that changed my life. i don’t think i’ll ever understand how or why y’all were willing to pull through that fucking much, but i love you. so much. (and yes, i 100% plan on getting a fic quote over the scars 🤗)
and most of all, the sharing of grief. 2025 has been a fucking horrific year for trans people everywhere, and having a space where that grief could be put out meant the world to me. even when it got Bad and Rough out there, there was so much fucking love all around and i’m holding you all so tightly for that. before this year, i’ve viewed my transition to be something to apologise for. something to shaoe around other peoples’ comfort and to squash down toake myself more appeasable, and that’s completely changed. because of these lil spaces online.
i won’t sugarcoat it all too much, because there’s still a hell of a lot of shit that happened. i still got my deadname leaked, i still got doxxed, i still (to this day even) received horrific messages for talking about jkr and transphobia in the fandom spaces. and yeah, i still feel a little sick about my engagement. i still feel a bit of a pit despite all the good things, and i still feel all the guilt and grief that ultimately led to me leaving the fandom spaces publicly.
but there was and is so much fucking love.
you all actually changed my life. in so many fucking ways. and i am endlessly grateful that, despite it all, there’s still so much comfort to be found here.
soooo !! from the 15 year old version of myself that sobbed in my room when googling “how do i know if i’m trans” in a room full of harry potter merchandise, who tore down everything and repressed this feeling for years because i didn’t want to lose the only real escape i had in that house, and most importantly, from me today - thank you.
thank you for everything, you all changed me. thank you for being there for the fun times, and for the bad times, and thank you so fucking much for helping me realise that i’m no less of a person because i’m trans. the complete opposite, actually. thank you for helping me shred that shame and love this experience instead.
and at the risk of being cringe, let’s sign this off properly!
turnnoffyourmind
origamiaround
pixelskylines
stormborns
gummygunk
titsay
areudirty
