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Last week I realized just how flawed being a person of color is, and it had nothing to do with white people [believe it or not]. Why are people of color so problematic?! In my creative writing seminar, we had a work-shopping session which is basically; a group of people reading out their creative work while the rest of the group praises and rips it apart. As a person with every type of anxiety this is basically my worst nightmare - but that’s besides the point. A girl with beautiful dark skin - all put together with her perfect bun and smart glasses - read out her piece, which was pretty much perfect too. Everyone expresses there love for her work - including me. Then after a while it is my turn, as I’m reading my work I can see all the grammar mistakes and plot mistakes that I had made. I felt horrible - I wanted to both bury myself and scream out in frustration, possibly one of the top ten worst feelings I have ever had. ‘Beautiful girl’ rips my work apart as expected, as everyone else agrees, however everyone else manages to find some positives in my work contrary to what beautiful girl does. The main problem that she had is my “scene” had too much description. A white girl next to me who was meant to go next, exclaims that her piece is all “description” and that she “didn’t understand the brief.” Everyone says that that’s alright, and she reads her out. Beautiful girl’s reaction to the white girl’s piece really angers me, she loved her piece for all the reasons she hated mine.
I’m sorry that I didn’t make an effort with my outfit - mom jeans and a baseball tee - because brown girls look disheveled and unruly when they don’t make an effort.
I’m sorry that my shake-y voice made my writing seem incompetent.
I’m sorry that I wrote the piece in a hurry and lapsed in places like the plot. I’m only human.
I’m sorry if I sound whine-y right now, but I had a horrible week, and am still having one. I blacked out on Monday, I don’t want sympathy. I simply want people to realize that criticism should be gentle. That if you don’t like one thing in someone’s writing, find at least one other thing that you like - just in the name of human decency.
