fire for a heart
“We need to talk.”
He says it calmly that Xander almost, almost, forgets he just told him to go away. Almost. He looked over at the man walking towards him and rolls his eyes, “I already put the tracker back on, what else do you want from me, huh? You told me to go away, I’m trying, but you hunting me down doesn’t make it any easier.”
He sighed, “I shouldn’t have said it, Xan, I’m sorry. There’s no excuse for how I did you back there.” He took a seat next to him staring out at the lake from the pier. “You didn’t have to put the tracker back on, I didn’t tell your mom you were trying to run away.”
“Only to save your ass from having to tell her what you told me.”
“No, because I know you and if you were going to run you would’ve before you fell out of that tree. You would’ve been long gone. You stuck around almost forty eight hours past when I told you off, that’s not you. It’s like you didn’t really want to leave.” He looked over at the teen curiously as he spoke.
He shrugged trying not to falter as Griffon looked at him. “Just because I didn’t get the hell out of dodge doesn’t mean I didn’t want to leave. Just means I wasn’t smart enough to get out earlier.” He rolled his eyes pointedly, “why do you care, anyway? S’not like it makes any difference to you. I killed her, remember, I’m the reason she’s dead. Go back to hating me, it’s easier.”
Griffon sighed again, “She’s the reason I really chose counseling. Even when I was dating her she really made me want to be a counselor and help others who were going through what she was. She hid it well beneath her smile and helpful personality but there was a lot more going on than what you or I would ever have been able to help her with. She made her choice, Xan, and regardless of if you had run off or not that night she wouldn’t be with us today. It’s just been hard for me to really realize that until now. I shouldn’t have said those things because they’re not true. We’d all miss you if you actually disappeared. I know I would. Who else would I annihilate in basketball?”
He scoffed, “please, I let you win.”
He chuckled with a nod of his head before looking over at the boy, “so you stayed for him? Dimitri?” Xander froze, how did Griffon know? How much did he know? When did he find out and what was he going to do about it? Questions raced through his head as he stared out into the water like that would make it all go away. Griffon seemed to sense it was right though and adds, “he do anything with you?”
He shook his head slowly, “doesn’t matter if he did or not, I’m seventeen, legally able to consent and shit.”
He sighed and hung his head a little, “doesn’t matter if you’re legal to consent, Xan, he shouldn’t be taking advantage of you like that. You’re seventeen you don’t know what you want, not really, and he’s my age and a counselor here. It’s inappropriate and he should know that.” He looked at him just to see what he was thinking, “so you’ve like kissed? Anything else?” He paused like he didn’t want to ask but pressed on, “Xan, did you two have sex?”
He stayed silent for a moment and looked over at Griffon, “I ended it so you don’t have to worry about it. You can go back counseling people and shit like that. And don’t worry, I’ve got my trusty little tracker on so I won’t go missing anytime soon.”
“He shouldn’t have let it start, Xan.”
“It’s fine. He was better than most of my previous endeavors. Felt like he actually cared or something. I’m not traumatized or anything like that.”
He chuckled and messed his hair up, “look, I’m not saying not to have a good summer, just maybe have a good summer with someone your age? And be nice to people. I heard about your welcome to Liam. Not everyone enjoys your bitter greetings, be aware of that, okay?”
He scoffed, “I totally called his daddy issues, he’ll survive some sour lemon to his sweet sugar. Besides, he’s totally traumatized by his dad doing shit to him so a little real life attitude could do him well. Toughen him up a little.”
He smacked his shoulder, “dude, not cool. You were the new kid last year. Actually you’re like the only returner, so why don’t you stop acting like some kind of spoiled brat and actually try to make friends? And if you can’t do that, don’t go near Fletcher or Jeremiah, okay? I would like them to start talking and you being so acerbic will not help the cause.”
“Relax, I’ll be good to the sweet little lambs, Liam included. I’ll go in soon, just doing last minute thinking.”
He nodded, “fine, I’ll leave you to it. Come find me when you’re done, I’ll take your tracker back off.”
“Trusting you are.”
“Don’t make me regret it.”
“You know I will.”
“Yea, I know.” Then he stood to leave he teen alone as he’d asked.
“Don’t hurt him.”
“Who?”
He can tell Griffon turned back to look at him even though he doesn’t turn his head from looking at the water. “Don’t hurt him. It was my choice to engage in stuff. I know you and I’m asking you not to hurt him.”
He was quiet and Xander wondered if he was going to say anything else when he spoke again, “I’ll do my best.”
“Liar.”
“Yea, I know.”
