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[babycakeslincoln-deactivated201]

[babycakeslincoln-deactivated201]

[jessicabyee]

(...)

What she didn’t count on was for her best friend to not recover, instead growing more depressed with each passing day. Eventually, Jessica spent all her time with him, watching as he kept blaming himself for everything that happened. She never meant for this to happen, he wasn’t supposed to be this hung up; he was supposed to move on and be happy, like everyone else did. Sometimes, everything became too much and Jessica disappeared off to the cemetery to be near her grandmother. Other times, like right now, she tried to make him feel better — yet being a ghost wasn’t nearly as handy for the task as some might think. Screaming at him didn’t help, he couldn’t hear her anyways; she tried touching him but she had no luck either; finally, she found that she could write in mirror if there was enough humidity to fog them, so she started writing small messages, trying to get her best friend to move on. ‘Please stop blaming yourself' she wrote slowly, making sure she didn't make any mistakes so he could read it easily. Bringing his attention to the mirror was a lot harder. It took several attempts but she finally managed to grab a cup and dropping it on the ground, the loud shattering noise enough to bring his attention to the mirror. “C'mon, read it. You need to read it.”

[istgjayden-blog]

The sudden banging of an all-too familiar cup was what convinced Jayden to get off the couch and stop staring blankly at the TV. He had been staring at nothing and having an existential crisis for far too long to even remember that he put his mother’s favorite cup in a very unsafe position. Jayden was undergoing depression, sure, but the apathy brought by this is not enough for him to stop caring about his mother's rage. So the moment the he heard an abrupt shattering of something, faint string of curses was what left Jayden’s lips as he maneuvred to the “scene of the crime”.

When he got there, however, something else piqued his interest. Instead of picking up the broken pieces of the porcelain cup, he moved closer to the humidity-covered mirror right in front of him. And there, he saw it. A carefully written 'Please stop blaming yourself.' was on the mirror. Wait. Could this be a sign from Jessica herself?

"J-jessica? Did you do this? Where are you? W-what’s going on?" Jayden was contemplating to write a message on the mirror’s humidity. His right index finger was so close now but a sense of realism struck him. Wait, what if this was one of those pinhole camera gags? Jayden quickly withdrew his hand and hid them in his pockets. He glanced around the room, even squinting his eyes to search for a hidden camera. “Fuck it, Rob. This better not be a prank, you piece of shit. You know, I’m not in the damn mood.”

[istgjayden-blog]

공허해

Jessica’s sudden death was a shock to Jayden yet at the same time it wasn’t. He wasn’t expecting her to die—no—but with an abusive boyfriend who used to mean the world to her and parents who paid no heed to what mess their daughter is getting into, it was a dead giveaway. Jessica was bound to kill herself sooner or later and Jayden knew it. Still, a 19 year old male who never shed a tear like him was a sobbing mess a few hours after he received the message from one of Jessica’s girlfriends. He was still in denial—because, fuck, there’s no way Jessica Sullivan is already dead when they just shared a pizza or two the other day, right?—but streams of tears were flowing down his cheeks.

A day or two later, Jayden realised he didn’t have the heart to at least show up at Jessica’s funeral. He was weak. He knows he couldn’t take seeing his bestest friend of many years already lame and lifeless. So during the occasion, he was just out somewhere; a weeping mess drowning himself with sex and liquor. Besides, there is no way in hell he’d want to see the girl’s parents again. All their crocodile tears and lies on how their girl died on an accident only disgusted him. "What kind of fucking parents could do such a thing?", he remembers asking himself when he first heard the lies. Not to mention, if Leo, Jessica’s douche of a boyfriend, was there, Jayden was sure to beat the pulp out of him and nobody can ever stop him.

It's been days or weeks or maybe a month or two now (he isn't really sure) but Jayden is still stuck in the past, mourning his bestfriend's death. He's run out of tears to cry off and his mind is all foggy and numb and sometimes, sometimes he feels like he's gone insane already because he thinks he hears a faint sound of Jessica's voice. He couldn't make out what she was saying but he thinks he hears her.

Jayden is currently on the fourth stage of grief and it looks like he's got a long way to go before all this ends.