Rookie Mistake
“Yeah, I realized the other day that, like... I’ve spent the last five Sunday afternoons, like, completely blacked out,” he said, rubbing his hands as he spoke. Dave, our next door neighbor, was telling my mother why he didn’t host his normal Saturday night party yesterday. I had to admit I was not expecting that answer. “I didn’t even think I had been drinking that much, but like... why else would that happen, y’know?"
Well, I knew exactly why he had been blacked out the past five Sundays-- I’d been using the spellbook I found in the attic to slip into his smoking hot body. Look at his chest, can you blame me? Dude has shoulders for days. I’d hop into his body when my mom and her husband went out on their date night, and then I would download Grindr to score a few casual hookups with some eager twinks. Being home from college over the summer sucked, and Dave’s body helped make it suck less. It was a victimless crime-- or so I had thought.
Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about what Dave would remember whenever I hopped into his body. Total rookie mistake, but it could have been a lot worse. As long as I stayed out of his body, his blackouts would stop, and no one would be any the wiser. Dave excused himself and went back inside his house, while Mom and I finished up bringing the groceries inside. Hopefully I didn’t look too guilty.
I took the spellbook down off my shelf, and pulled up Google translate again-- the damn thing was written in Latin. The good news is that all of the spells were illustrated, so it was usually pretty clear what each spell would do. The bad news is that a lot of the rules were written in small, cursive handwriting that the computer couldn’t read when photographed. I was making decent headway translating word by word, but it was... tedious, to say the least. Can you blame me for getting impatient?
The astral form spell I’d been using to possess Dave hadn’t said anything about memory loss, but I had also stopped translating after three paragraphs. I’d already learned the important pieces, or so I had thought. You can’t travel more than a quarter mile away from your body without risking permanent separation, your astral form could be blocked by wards or captured by soul snares, whatever the hell those were... and then the spell started talking about how it was really good for spying on your enemies. Wouldn’t something like target memory loss be important enough to mention earlier? I was livid, but it was ultimately my mistake for using a spell that I hadn’t fully translated.
I’d only made it through another half-paragraph before I got interrupted by a knock on my door. “Sweetie, I just wanted to let you know that it’s just me going out tonight,” Mom said. “Henry isn’t feeling well, so he’s going to stay behind and rest up, okay? I know I don’t have to worry about you staying quiet for him while he sleeps. See you tonight!”
I could scarcely maintain my excitement as I waited for the sound of my mother locking the front door. Henry, my step-father, was a delicious otter of a man. I hadn’t even considered the thought of taking over his body, but how could I resist an opportunity handed to me on such a silver platter? And if he was planning on sleeping anyway, the memory loss issue didn’t matter! Translating the rest of the spell could wait, I needed to seize this opportunity before it slipped away. I made sure to clear off my bed, and position myself in a neutral posture before casting the spell-- the first time I used the spell and returned to my body, the crick in my neck took three days to fully heal. Once my astral form had separated itself from my body, I flew as fast as I could to Henry’s sleeping form.
After all... just look at this man. Henry is... he’s like gay candy. Any time the three of us go out together, I don’t think he realizes how many skinny dudes can’t look away from him. And for the next few hours, that would be me. God, it was such a rush to think about that. Can you blame me for getting excited? Aside from the occasional dress pant, Henry never really wore anything that would display his bulge, so I wasn’t sure what sort of equipment I would be working with, but... now that it was in my hands, I was not disappointed. So that was a ten minute detour. I’m only human, after all.
My next order of business was to take some raunchy selfies and send them to my phone for some, uhh... future me time. The problem was that the only rooms in the house with good lighting were also the rooms where Mom had already redecorated Henry’s house with floral wallpaper. Seeing that in the background was just a total boner kill. I’d have to use my room for photos. I try to avoid seeing my lifeless body whenever I can-- it’s kind of unsettling-- but in this case, it was worth the discomfort.
I figured Henry’s strength would be more than enough to carry my body down to the living room couch, only... when I opened my door, the bed was empty. The pit of my stomach sank to the floor as I stared at the impression in my bed sheets, the only remaining sign that my body had previously been resting there. I started taking deep breaths, running my hands across my new chest fur as I tried to calm down. If the astral form spell was going to cause my body to disappear, it would have happened before today. The first step was probably to search the rest of the house, just in case anything else had been displaced.
I found my body outside, shirtless, smoking a cigarette on the patio. He had to have heard me-- I certainly wasn’t quiet as I flung upon the back door-- but he didn’t even bother to look up at me.
“Who are you, and what are you doing in my body?” I said, trying to puff out Henry’s chest for maximum intimidation.
My body responded by blowing a cloud of smoke into my face. “Get over yourself,” he said, taking another long drag. “You grabbed my spellbook out of my attic, turned the next door neighbor into a meat suit, and now you have the gall to pretend that you’re the victim here?”
I tried to think of some sort of witty comeback, but my brain had completely frozen up. “I... Henry? Is that you in there? What are you doing?”
“Watching you fall for the world’s most obvious trap,” he said, lording over me with a smug grin on his face. He had me dead to rights, and we both knew it. “Your mother hadn’t even finished pulling out of the driveway, and your horny ass was already trying to take over my body. Good thing I had already started my own astral form before she left. Mind you, I have ways of keeping unwanted spirits out of my body... but then we wouldn’t be having this delightful conversation, would we?
“Consider yourself busted,” he said, snuffing out the cigarette on the patio table. “You’re going to spend the night here, pretending to be me while keeping to yourself under the guise of feeling sick. I’m going to take your body out for a joyride tonight, same as you did to Dave. We’ll switch back in the morning. No funny business, or you’ll learn first hand why I no longer need to use a spellbook to cast magic.”
“Y-yes, sir,” I said, nodding my head. Seeing Henry inside of my lanky body with his arms crossed, it looked catty rather than intimidating. All the same, I was not about to try and mess with him any further. Better to take the L here. “Hey, uhh... after tonight’s punishment... do you... do you think you could teach me how to use that spellbook?”
Henry paused, sizing me up and down with his eyes before speaking. “Me, teaching you? After a rookie mistake like this? Not on your life.”