In response to daraasum's note & challenge.
Ayl'lil stopped at the edge of the gravel pathway in the homestead. The midday sun wasn't so harsh in the early onset of spring on Balmorra. In his arms he held one of his sons, Ayris. Walking up behind him, well toddling, was his other son Keran, accompanied by Auntie Kira. Keran was the braver of the two and Ayris wasn't quite as confident on his feet yet. Still their words were coming along well and they were growing up so fast. Ayl'lil could hardly believe it'd been a month.
It'd been a long journey from Alderaan, but this was something he had to do. He turned to Kira who opened her arms to take Ayris from him. He wanted to be alone for this one.
Ayris clung to his fathers robes but eventually Kira was able to convince him to let go. He watched his father walk towards a strange stone next to a solitary tree near the home.
Ayl'lil came to a stop overlooking the stone which came up to his waist. It had some moss atop it. The breeze from the hills did little to freeze the pent up emotion he'd been holding in.
He waved his hand slowly, using the Force to brush the moss from the stone, he didn't want his wife's grave to be dirty.
After a few seconds of just staring Ayl'lil knelt in front of the stone. Truth be told they hadn't buried Nikena there, she had been cremated. Her urn rested in the ground beneath where he knelt. But this was much more ceremonial than anything.
He could hardly find the words to say what he wanted to say. The young Jedi Knight placed his hand on the face of the stone, brushing past the words inscribed. "Here lies Nikena," the stone read, "Soldier, Wife, Beloved Mother."
Ayl'lil's head dropped as he looked to the ground, his hair falling over to hide his face. He spoke very softly, a hushed whisper on the breeze.
"It feels like it's been longer than any time span we spent apart has passed already." He whimpered, trying to hold it together. "When it was Havoc Squad and the Hero of Tython.." He tried to feign a laugh, but that only served to shake loose whatever was blocking his tears.
Slowly, a tear drop rolled down his cheek, hanging for a moment before detaching and falling to the ground, splashing silently on the dirt.
"I know I shouldn't cry." he sniffed, trying to hold it all back. "I know you've become one with the force..and that I should be happy..." He recalled his Jedi teachings on loss and death..
"But to know I won't see you...to know you cannot return as a Jedi can..." He let go and the tears fell, cascading down his face as he wept in front of the cold stone.
"It hurts so much, Nikena...I miss you...and the boys...they still say 'Mama' every now and again. I know I have to be strong for them but...but." He couldn't finish that sentence. Just saying it out loud reminded him that his sons were watching.
He attempted to regain his composure, sniffling and wiping his eyes with his hands.
"They're growing fast, dear." He still spoke in a hushed whisper. "Keran is walking better and Ayris' words are getting better by the day. Soon they'll be little geniuses." He feigned another laugh.
Suddenly he felt a touch on his hand. It made his heart leap for a moment. Part of his mind felt the warm hand of his Wife again, something familiar about it. Turning his head he saw it was Keran. His son had toddled over to see what his Daddy was doing.
Seeing his father's tears Keran puffed his face up and swatted at his dad's arm. "Dah! No!" He proclaimed. Wanting his father to stop crying.
Then another touch on his other hand. Ayris had crawled over. Ayl'lil looked back at Kira who simply nodded at him. She knew he needed his family more than anything at this time.
In this moment Ayl'lil realized just how much like Nikena they really were. They carried their mother's spirit with them. Their sons.
Ayl'lil scooped Ayris up in his arms, the little boy mimicked his brother only this time swatting at Ayl'lil's face to stop the crying.
"Dahdee no no!" Ayris had a softer tone than Keran.
Using his free hand, and helping Keran up, Ayl'lil took his other sons hand and stood over the stone.
"Your mother is very proud of you two." he said proudly, the sunlight from the midday sun shining down on them, making him feel warm.
He looked back down at the gravesite and forced his emotions back, smiling for Nikena as she would want him to.
"I'll raise them as we said we would, darling.." He whispered, as if she were next to him. "One day I will find you again..." He left those words with the stone, turning to walk away.
It had only been a month, but to Ayl'lil it felt like an eternity.
