#send it out

[ghoulfriendfangs]

Childe after he ajaxs off: hello cumrag

[alwaysbeyondhope]

Comfort movies.

We all have them. We all need them at certain points in our lives. And sometimes they change. In college my comfort movies were Stardust and Serenity. High school was The Matrix.

Those are still comforting to me, but right now the movie that comforts me the most - the content plus the ease in which to watch it - is You’ve Got Mail.

I’ve probably watched this movie at least once every day for the past five days, and I don’t see myself stopping any time soon.

It’s just such an easy movie. Apart from one scene with one fatphobic “joke” it’s relatively problematic-free - if definitely lacking in diversity (Dave Chapelle is the only actor of color). As far as the movie itself: no big plot twists or surprises, a pretty formulaic structure, which leads to a happy ending.

It’s a movie I can have in the background while I’m doing other things, one I don’t have to pay super close attention to each time. I’ve got my favorite scenes that I can pause what I’m doing to watch, but then it goes back to being something familiar.

And damn it’s nice to have something familiar right now.

There’s that little bit of shame? embarrassment? for watching the same movie over and over again - and one that’s over 20 years old which relies heavily on the prominence of AOL, Instant Messaging, and the signature robotic voice telling you “you’ve got mail” - almost all of which is now totally outdated, when it seemed like such a revolution on the cusp of the turn of the century.

But maybe that’s part of why I like it. It’s nostalgic. I was seven when the film hit theaters, and I can’t even remember when it was I first saw it - probably early high school - but I remember having friends with AOL and dial-up and hearing that phrase and it brings me back to a simpler time - one not defined by face masks and incompetence and hundreds of thousands dead.

So I’ll continue to watch my comfort movie, and I’ll work on shoving that shame / embarrassment aside, because the pros that come with indulging myself with my comfort movies definitely outweighs the cons of any outside judgement that I may attract.

[crazyskirtlady]

digital Anarchy deconstructing reality all around Me; melting and yet moments loudly attempting reinstalling brick by brick. Psyche overwhelmed by this reminder that I create Everything

[songquota]

I'll be your harvester of light And send it out tonight So we can start again

Walking On Cars - Winter Song

[worldoflis]

So yesterday I had a tiny *teensieweensie* breakdown.

Wife sent me to the doctor. Doctor put me home for 2,5 weeks.

And like. Yesterday I was bad. Really bad. Lights out, like I could literally fall apart in a thousand tiny pieces any second and I needed all my focus and willpower for that NOT to happen. And it was super weird - like I know I’ve been bad before, by which I mean I’ve been TOLD I was bad before, cause I never much noticed or realized myself - I just got myself lost in some hyperfixation or other so deeply, got so disconnected from reality that I was just never really aware of exactly how bad things were (I’m talking like years ago here). So yesterday was... a ride.

And then there’s today and I’m fine. You know? Feeling a little fragile but still fine. Ok. No problem. What was the fuss about anyway. I’m overreacting. I’m a drama queen seriously what I am doing.

And then I remember I still need to send my colleagues an update about what needs to happen and what I’ve been doing so things keep running smoothly and I feel like I can’t breathe and I just wanna run away in the opposite direction and like-

Ok.

Ok.

Guess I’m not THAT fine.

[spiiderbitten-blog]

my brain: "new oc idea" "lemma hear it" "Twins™" "okay" "and one dies" "perfect"

[onmyowntwohands]