Transgender day of visibility. I've wanted to write something for it since I got aware of that it is today, which was only a couple of days ago. I don't keep the date in mind, like with most things, but I still think it's important. Just that my crappy memory is... well, crappy. Interesting though, that the first time this was celebrated was in 2009, which was only a couple of weeks after I first came out as trans. That's 8 years ago now. Funny how time flies. I couldn't think of a specific event or experience to share, although I tried to, so I'm going to be more general-ish.
But what did come to mind is how very supportive most of everyone has always been to me since I came out, and how amazing that was/has been. The only one who's been struggling with that is my father, although I know he's been trying in his own way, but doesn't understand the concept. I wouldn't say he's been mean about it, just ignorant and avoidant. But everyone else has been very supportive and accepting, including but not limited to my mother and sister, and all of my friends. It's like I was preparing myself for facing all kinds of transphobia but when it didn't happen I was happily confused.
My biggest hardship when it comes to being trans has always been the Swedish trans health care system, at least the first 4 years of being in it. I see it as that I was stuck in a "catch 22" in which they thought I was too mentally unstable to transition while I thought I couldn't possibly get stable without it. However, switching doctors and praying to Satan about it did make things a whole lot better, and my medical transition finally started in 2013. In other aspects of society though, I never much experienced any actual hardship with being transsexual.
Although lately, hooking up with male strangers for casual sex does have its disadvantages with being trans, I have to admit. They expect something I can't and don't want to give them. At this point I feel stuck with trying my best to work with what I have until I can get it changed for something better. Yeah, I still have some more medical transition stuff that I want to do and can do, but it's not exactly happening tomorrow. Give it a year or two, more realistically accurate. But I have to make do until then.
I wanted to make a bit longer post cause this isn't something I can cut down to a few sentences. And I can write about me being trans and how it affects my life for ages at an end. It is almost constantly affecting me, one way or another, but at this point, I feel a lot more at ease with myself and my body than I ever have before. That's huge, and probably worth celebrating in and of its own.
But back to the topic, I'm not stealth, never really have been (although I tried it out for a few years after I moved to this island of Sweden but realised that's not the way I want to live my life) and I prefer being open about my transness. However I'm not proud of being trans, but not ashamed either. I'm proud of what I've accomplished, but not of something I was unavoidably born with. So I'm visible, always have been on some minuscule scale at least, but I also know not everyone can and/or want to be visible and I fully respect that too. We all do what we can.
And, about the picture, yeah I overcompensated as part of my denial before I came out as trans, that’s what’s up with the over-femininity there. I don’t mind sharing that picture though, I didn’t look bad, although that wasn’t me, but it was how I looked back then.
