I miss this. Buying cute moments and gag comics of Final Fantasy VII doujinshi and translating them to the best of my ability, collecting more art of Vincent Valentine because... I can't help but love that character. He's relatable, a very empathetic towards kind of character, and he's a real badass with a deep voice that makes my heart flutter, lmao. He's a comfort character for me, ultimately. I find myself coming back to him when I'm figuring out who I should be after all that's happened in my life so far. I miss how I was before I, basically, gave my soul to a complete piece of shit I regret falling for like an idiot.
I miss feeling alive. I miss being allowed time to be in my head with never-ending dreams that made me feel lively, instead of these memories that bring me down and make me enraged by my stupid choices. I'm still very slowly recalling how I was six years ago from now. It makes my head ache to search for those memory files. Bits and pieces show up, but they don't stay. It's as if I'm finding edges of the files peeking out of the locked file cabinet, and as cautiously as I am pulling that edge out to see the full page, I'm only tearing it. Tearing off parts of that file's content into several pieces, until I'm able to find the key and do my best to correctly assemble those bits of content back together.
Life has been shit.
And here's my sentimental note.
Hoping things will eventually go back to how they used to be. How safe it used to feel. How alive... we all were.