#seokjin text posts

[pffbts]

[11:32 PM] from seokjin

―new years don`t make me happy. it only reminds me of another pile of my definite past sitting upon the others. it makes me unsure of what my future holds. my future which is indefinite, as if looking through my train`s window, on a foggy winter morning. i`m like the plant my mother tried growing at our balcony - which doesn`t seem to like blooming into a flower, rather to only remain like a child in its own world of innocence.

delivered.

[pffbts]

[00:51 AM] from seokjin

―you left me with no choice but to linger longer because i knew you, leaving me hanging with the words still smudged on my lips, you waved me countless late goodbyes. somedays through phone calls and sometimes when we meet in person. i knew every single time what you meant when you called yourself a rotten piece of work because i had always called you mine in my head. your scars, when they came upon your skin, i always held them against my palm, kissing them better because they`re all my scars too. they`re all mine. if you`re one of those dead roses in the garden, allow me to be the one exactly next to you because, you―you`re mine.

delivered.

[pffbts]

[08:02 AM]―best friend! jin knows when to indulge you in his stupid play of emotions. just when you thought your movie night is going to be a blunder because of the furious downpour, you saw the very familiar wide shouldered boy standing outside the movie theatre with an extra large umbrella. his back was facing you and you could clearly see the shivers that ran all throughout his body. tugging onto the edge of his sleeves, you drove his attention to you. first, jin the weak hearted one got flabbergasted at the sudden pull of his sleeves, second the sight of you in a black hoodie covering your already wet hair (due to the distance you walked from the movie theatre to jin) and your black jeans made you look like you`ve joined some cult instead of seeing some movie.

“ahh really―why do you scare me like this? you know i`ve a weak heart!” you giggled covering your mouth as you circled your arm around his body taking in his body heat. even during his whineful comment, jin hugged you back―putting his arm around your whole body and making you stick against him all throughout the distance from theatre to your home. “you didn`t have to come, you know? i could have walked back home alone after the rain stopped.”

jin felt like his whole brain got glitches as he realized how stupid men are always waiting like wolves to take up girls and he, absolutely could not, in his whole time as long as alive leave you alone. “are you fucking listening to yourself? you`re my only girl and i`m not letting any bastard to put a finger on you.”

“jin, i might end up havi―”

“yeah yeah i get it―no boyfriend. why do you even need a boyfriend when you have this handsome best friend of yours? aren’t my shoulders enough for you to sulk on?”

“well, that`s another thing―your handsomeness is like boyfriend repellent.”

“yah! you unfaithful girl, do you know how much took care of you? how can you say―” before jin could complete his another whineful talk, you went on your tippy toes, almost putting a pressure on his hands to pull his height down a little to place a wet hard kiss on his plump cheek. “there you go, happy?”

with his eyes shaking, jin blasted a loud “yes!” and pulled you closer against his sides till you were completely under your comfortable roof.

[pffbts]

[08:55 PM] from seokjin

―it`ll start with that one movie and that one song we shared while i lost my earbuds. next day it`ll start with a shared pizza while i push the bigger pieces towards you. you`ll not know that i`m quite a foodie myself and if you had known, you would`ve shaken your head and given me the earlier pieces. the third day it`ll be us meeting at the same section of the library and we`ll casually laugh at the sudden coincidence. you`ll tuck a piece of your spare strand of hair behind your ear and i`ll shake my head to arrange my bangs. and the fourth day, i`ll wait for in the bus stop but when you`ll get down from your bus, i`ll hold out to you your favourite ice-cream. you`ll smile at me and i`ll say―it has always been you and that it was all written right here while pointing at my chest under which beats my weak heart that can`t consume horror movies.

delivered.

[pffbts]

[08:35 PM]―jin crouched down next to you, who was hugging your legs against your chest and sobbing incoherent words. he wasn`t a specialist in such situation, that`s what he probably thought when he realized it`s been almost one hour and things didn`t calm down much inside you. what he did was just stay there, beside you, letting you cry on your own.

maybe it`s one of your reason which caused you to cry but that`s okay. as long as you want, you can go on. but jin won`t budge. he would stay there, like a blinking stuffed toy and keep a hand in-between both of you. he would wait, for minutes, for hours until you calm down and take hold of it.

jin won`t impose his feelings on you, he will never take advantage of this sensitive situation and confess his feelings to you. for his part, he knew that you don`t see him like that. since childhood days, jin had been your playmate and friends even though he`s older than you. he had always been the one who continues to protect you as if it`s his duty. but never in his whole life till now, he had said anything about how he feels for you. yes, sometimes, he does tease a lot but that`s just his frail attempts in making you feel at least something for him.

sadly, you never did. maybe that`s what he thinks. maybe that`s really not what happens inside you. but it`s still a maybe and we all know that word is the most dangerous thing in the whole world.

“shouldn`t you be leaving by now?” you asked, your voice hoarse and the lump at the back of your throat vanishing.

“it`s my duty to stay by your side, and give you a shoulder,”jin replied, his eyes cold and fixed on the patterns of the wooden planks.

“stop acting like some historic bodyguard. i`m not some princess.” you rubbed your nose, wiping away the tears that were getting soaked in by the skin there.

“you`re always my princess. shut up.”

what he really wanted to say was that – “it`s okay if you don`t love me back, but as long as i love you i`m going to be there for you at any time and any place you want someone to be.” but you had already held his hand and leaned against him, your head resting on his broad shoulder and sleep invited you under his command.

jin really never told you, never even tried because he was scared to lose you, to lose even that little bit of feelings you have for him now.

[pffbts]

[10:02 PM] [the windshield trying its hardest to stop the window from fogging up and someone starts a sad tune from inside]

― jin`s hand clutched the steering wheel tightly, his attention tearing away from the road for a quick second to your side on his right, “are you feeling okay now?” he asks. your eyes fixated on the rolled up window as you witness the pouring rain strikes the transparent glass. you hummed back reaching your hand out to place it on top of his own with which he was monitoring the gears.

“thank you for understanding my mind, jin,” you turned your head, facing him now as his attention goes to the road all over again. “i really don`t deserve you.”

smiling and closing his eyes at the same time to further give you a soft side nod, jin placed the gear to a moderate one before intertwining your fingers within his own. “what`s the point of declaring love for someone if i don`t understand their mind and their unwanted wishes?”

“jin?” you ask, your voice sounding too faded under the façade of the pouring rain from outside the moving car.

“hmm?” one of his brows perks up as he hums to your question.

“sing me a song.”

“right now?”

you nod. your head moving too fast like a little kid.

“what do you want to hear?”

“absolutely anything in your voice. you can even choose to talk and i won`t complain. i just need your voice, jin”

[pffbts]

[11:48 PM] from seokjin        

 ―i know i`m helpless but all i want to do is hold onto you. all i ardently want is to keep my arms around you as you cry so loud that the stars are threatening to fall from the skies. i know it`s painful―god, it`s so fucking painful that i feel like tearing my eyes off before i see this sight of yours. i think i`m pathetic enough to say all those times that i`ll be there for you at your thick and thin but look at me now. where am i when you need someone to hold onto? where am i―in another part of the world, fighting myself, thinking of everything that i said to you. i want to hold you―and it`s like i can`t even control myself. it`s like if someone came in front of me and said that it`s going to block you from me, i would fight so hard till i lose my sanity. i don`t think this talk is forgiving but i`m trying to tell you that my silent words are reaching to you, right? are you listening to me? are you going to keep going on, for me?

delivered.

[pffbts]

yeah hi ! can i get a letter from joonie, yoongi, or jinnie (you decide which one) about living life? schools almost out and summer is coming and i have so much i need to do but i also want to live life and find myself. thank u so much ily 🥰

[10:42 PM] fromseokjin

―even the softfootsteps of yours sound like it`s dreaming of walking through a life ithasn`t seen yet. funny how i want to do absolutely anything to make that happen.but we are here in this world to be sad yet happy. i don`t get how the seasonsexpect is to be happy about summer when spring has left us sad and heartbrokenfrom the remembrance of our first love. the moment things starts to stabilize,we feel like things are moving out of our way and we are back to that same pageof the same continuous circle. we are running but we can`t find the corner wemet yet we`re here running towards each other and breaking all the bonds tobring the spring to our life. how much do the seasons think we`re strongenough? hmm, i feel like we got this. at this rate maybe we`ll definitely findour summer just like we found our spring.

delivered.