Today I remember how I have had the best 5 consecutive years of making this day far from ordinary
The things I did to surprise you, to make you feel cherished and loved
The dinners, breakfast in bed, the red-wine, the movie dates, the church-visits, the going to places, the road trips, the staying-in and the take outs, the blind folds, balloons and the cakes and the candles, the birthday cuddles and at times the birthday dramas… the way your eyes gets wet as you say your speech of glee and gladness, the way you hold me and tells me that this year is the best birthday ever because I am in it.
I missed staying up waiting till the clock ticks 12 so I can be the very first one to wish you a happy birthday
I missed giving you warm hugs and kisses on this day
I missed being around you
I missed that… I missed all of that.
It’s been quite a decade of mere silence and being by myself reliving the best 5 years of my life with you
Discreetly singing a happy birthday song every 18th of September
Buying birthday cakes and candles and birthday cards on the side
All for you — to celebrate your existence, to celebrate what was once I had
On the hindsight I know I have to stop this non-sense — it’s torture
Because you will never know
How much this day still meant to me
How much I wanted to orchestrate a moment of you and I crossing paths all over again
How much it pains me to just watch this day come to pass
The only thing I know is that I missed you especially on this very day
But even though I cannot greet you or see you today
I hope you feel deep down that every 18th of September
I am one of those people who is praying and wishing that you’ll have the best of everything, happiness and contentment, love, peace and good health.
Happy Birthday to you…my first love, my unrequited love…
