Shaking Hands
I sat in the living room. The images playing before me over and over again. I did not wish to do this but I needed to if I was going to save him. I saw it. I saw every last bit and the first time it was the worst. I did not want Serethis to see me so I had waited for him to go to work. It was better that way. He would want to protect me from it, turn it off. But if I’m going to make sure he’s going to stay alive I need to watch it. I need to relive it.
I don’t feel it like I did. I remember it and I feel a phantom feeling of the blade going through my gut but it was never there. My eyes watching as Azeiox pulled himself more to the blade, cooling it to prevent me from hurting. Even then he worried on how I would feel. It is now I see the look on his face. He knew he wasn’t coming back. Despite us speaking of a future together. Despite all of it, he wasn’t coming back and he knew it in that second and look of sadness in his eyes. The bits of regret but peace... and it just made my heart hurt to see it. My hands shook and I had to set the mask down, allow it to just play. I watched as he held Relis to him to keep her from escaping. I watched as each Rune on the star activated and I can hear my screams. I see as the flash of shadow pierces through them both. I see as they both fall to the ground. I see as I abandon my mask in the grass and I see me rush to him. I see Nick there and I grow angry. I remember how he got upset that I wished to be with the one I loved in his dying breathes. I see Tenha’a give him a kiss on the forehead in good bye. And I see me trying to heal him but now I can see the aether moving together like oil and water. His body could not be healed. His body was already too far gone. I see the blood on my hands and I look down and I can see the images in the very seconds I sit there. I see his last breath and me going to Matthias for comfort.
I feel the pain all over again and I clutch at my chest. I don’t remember it hurting this much but it tears open like a scab and a fresh wound but I did not see what I needed and I played it again. Each time it hurt but the longer I watched the more numb I became and the less tears that welled in my eyes. I watched it over and over and over looking for what I needed. I needed to see it for sure. What. Went. Wrong? But it wasn’t the rune. It was just the nature of the creature. He held on like the parasite he was and he held to Azeiox’s soul and disappeared to what I now know as going to Serethis. I searched for flaws. I searched for anything. I even... could not help but search to see if there had been ways to save him. But even then, there was nothing and it was already too late.
I don’t remember how many times I watched it. The images are burned in my mind that I could recall it even more so now that it isn’t a blur. But even as the last image played and the last time I let it play, my hands still shook and my heart will always ache.