For the first time I snooped. Out of our curiosity I snooped. And mostly to see if they ever really did love my childern as much as they claimed.
But here's the thing incase you're snooping too. I dont love you anymore. Not as a friend. I hope you do well and get your life in order and finally finish grieving that miscarriage in a healthy way. I hope you heal mentally and continue to grow as a person. I hope you get out of bumfucknowhere. I hope you dont totally lose your personality in the bible crap you've gotten sucked into. ( I dont mean that as an insult, its just crap. You cant convince me otherwise.)
You're walking this earth with knowledge of me and secrets I've only ever told a diary and I'd be lying if I said it didnt make me uneasy. But that knowledge is of no use too you, like yours are of no use to me.
But our friendship ended and to be honest I'm kinda glad. We'd become two very different people and while our time together probably served a purpose, it ended.
But I dont miss you. I havent since we stopped talking. I dont miss how our mental illness basically feed off each other. I dont miss having to hear about a God, who if he is real, I cant stand. I dont miss all the hopeless romantic relationships you had. I dont miss how rude you unknowingly acted or how you couldnt take cristism. I dont miss us going out to lunch. I dont miss us going anywhere together. I dont miss how for some reason you always brought out the negative side of me. ( maybe I confided in you a little too much, so I told you all the bad.) I dont miss how you never realized this wasnt youd house and you over staying your welcome. ( you always told me how awful things were at your house so I felt too guilty to make you leave. Even when ceann asked me too.)
And I'll admit at first, I did think of reaching out until my friends ( I dont wanna throw their names out on soical media without them knowing) told me all the awful things you said.
I can work towards something Danielle. I wouldnt be where I am now without help that's true, but I wouldnt be where I was. And for you of all people to say that is what put the nail in the coffin for me. I'm better now, much more then I was. I'm a better person now. But not because I got knocked up by a guy with a good job but because of River. You have no idea sadly what a child can do for a person. It wasnt ceann that got me this far, although I want deny he surely helped. It was River and the drive I have to be a better person for her.
My point is I hope you're happy, and you seem to be. So good for you. Just do whatever you gotta do to get me and my kids out of your head. ( forgive me for whatever imaginary things you think I did, or real things I did.) And go live your life. I promise after today I want be snooping on you again or even thinking of you, so I'd advise you do the same.
