the people you bump into at the open bar today's forecast calls for misery › mika & olivia.
not a cloud in the sky with the moon shining down from above it's a perfect night to be united as one. it's the kind of evening where the warm maui breeze is tickling you softly in the back of your neck, a hint of deja vu when the promises are exchanged of i do's and til death to us part. the bride and groom are all smiles as everyone spurs them on into the dance floor and all mika can think of is getting another tequila from the open bar, the blissful pair being the last thing he bears in mind. tugging at the bar stool, he thumps a closed fist against the surface once, holding up a finger to the bartender, motioning towards the bottle on the right. he's lost track of the number he's ordered but who's counting anyways? he might as well give his brother a run for his money and make out this open bar's worth.
sometimes, mika wonders if he was born backwards.
not physically backwards, obviously, but – backwards. in reverse.
he’s a grown-up before he’s old enough to walk to the store on his own. there’s this feeling, a curling deep in his gut, and at night when he lies in bed it comes to tells him that he’s a bit too big for his body. he goes to community service every sunday with his mom, helps his dad fix the car on the weekends, takes anchovy for his allergy appointments, teaches kona how to sit and fetch and roll over. he watches his band mates go to university and become an entrepreneur, a musician, meets cute girls, get married and all the while mika remains rooted where he stands.
he doesn’t really feel the sands of time shift because he feels as though he’s been here – just… here from the moment he had any spatial awareness whatsoever.
nothing feels right. nothing seems to fit. his manager keeps telling him to go to therapy, have someone who will write him a prescription that they both know mika is never going to fill, and tells him that he can’t go on living the rest of his life feeling as though he's stuck. we all move forward, kid, his old boy band manager keeps telling him. so why does it seem like the wheels are going in reverse? everyone seems to be moving forward except for him and he's stuck in a limbo, just watching from a distance. is this what it's like to grow up? is he past that? is this what they call a midlife crisis?
his thoughts are muddled when a slender figure slips next to him, blinking out of the possibilities of (perhaps) seeing an actual professional for whatever the fuck it is he's going through. it's an odd funk, everyone goes through it, right?
"oh shit," he suddenly pulls back, the corners of his lips tugging into a broad smile. olivia, as he speaks and breathe. sure they speak with each other here and there on sns, but when was the last time he saw her? "well look who we have here."
she looks great, but when did she not? he smiles at her and just stares. in the darkness she feels similar to light slipping through cracks of concrete, a fresh of breath air. he opens his arms and says, "well come on now, bring it in. it's been way too long."