Your local mountain cryptid is here to remind you that chances are the bad vibes you feel are a result of your dirty surroundings. When wasnthe last time you cleaned your home? I mean really cleaned it? Open the windows. Clean underneath your furniture. Scrub those baseboards damnit.
Otherwise known as "planting by the signs", agricultural astrology is a scheduling method used to determine when to cultivate, plant and harvest crops based on the moon's phases and astrological signs. Although there is a lack of scientific evidence to support this concept, it is something people have followed for thousands of years. Many people still swear by agricultural astrology.
What do you need to know to plant by the signs?
Agricultural astrology requires you to pay attention to the moon's phases and astrology signs. It also requires you to have an understanding of the correspondences between the twelve zodiac signs and the body. Every sign is associated with a specific area of the body. The following is information I pulled from the first Foxfire book, which has sixteen pages discussing agricultural astrology. This list contains the twelve zodiac signs, their symbols, corresponding body parts, planets and elements.
Aries | Ram | Head | Mars | Fire
Taurus | Bull | Neck, Throat | Venus | Earth
Gemini | Twins | Arms, Chest | Mercury | Air
Cancer | Crab | Breasts, Stomach | Moon | Water
Leo | Lion | Heart, Back | Sun | Fire
Virgo | Virgin | Bowels | Mercury | Earth
Libra | Balance | Kidneys | Venus | Air
Scorpio | Scorpion | Loins | Mars | Water
Sagittarius | Archer | Thighs | Jupiter | Fire
Capricorn | Goat | Knees | Saturn | Earth
Aquarius | Waterman | Legs, Ankles | Uranus | Air
Pisces | Fish | Feet | Neptune | Water
By paying attention to the astrological forecast for the year, you will be given an idea on when the ideal time is to cultivate, plant and harvest your garden. There are no official "rules" on how to do this per say, but many individuals swear by the ways they were taught.
You'll find that most people use terms such as airy, dry, barren, fiery, earthy, moist, watery, fruitful or very fruitful. The first Foxfire book also uses terms such as feminine and masculine. Before y'all go bashing the Foxfire books for this, I will inform you that the first Foxfire book was published in 1972. Society had a very different perspective on gender and gender roles during that time. I reference this book because, although it is very old-school, it is still a useful reference.
It can be difficult to make notes of these things for every year, but there is a way you can get around that. The Old Farmer's Almanac is a company that has a website where you can look up their interpretation of the astrological forecast and when it is best to plant things. They also publish books for every year, which I suggest buying if you can. They always contain much more than astrological dates and predictions. The books are not too expensive, but keep in mind that the Farmer's Almanac is limited to the United States and Canadian regions.
Notes from the First Foxfire Book
Cultivating & Planting
Planting is best done in the fruitful signs of Scorpio, Pisces, Taurus or Cancer (when the signs are in the lions, feet, neck or breasts).
Plow, till and cultivate in Aries.
Never plant anything in one of the barren signs. They are only good for trimming, deadening and destroying.
Always set plants out in a water or earth sign.
Graft before the sap starts to flow, while the moon is in its first or second quarter, and while it is passing through a fruitful watery sign, or Capricorn. Never graft or plant on Sunday as this is a barren, hot day (the sun's day).
Plant flowers in Libra which is an airy sign that also represents beauty. Plant them while the moon is in the first quarter unless you need the seeds, in which case use the period between the moon's second quarter and full.
Corn planted in Leo will have a hard, round stalk and small ears.
Crops planted in Taurus and Cancer will stand drought.
Plant beans when the signs are in the arms.
Root flower cuttings, limbs, vines, and set out flower bushes and trees in December and January when the signs are in the knees and feet.
Never transplant in the heart or head as both these signs are "Death Signs".
If you want a large vine and stalk with little fruit, plant in Virgo- "bloom days".
Don't plant potatoes in the feet. If you do, they will develop little nubs like toes all over the main potato. The best time is a dark night in March.
Plant all things which yield above the ground during the increase or growing of the moon, and all things which yield below the ground (root crops) when the moon is decreasing or darkening.
Never plant on the first day of the new moon, or on a day when the moon changes quarters.
In the fourth quarter turn sod, pull weeds and destroy.
Reaping & Harvesting
Pick fruit like apples and pears in the old of the moon (while it is decreasing or shrinking). This will cause the bruised spots and blemishes to dry up rather than rot. They will rot if the fruit is picked on the increase or rising of the moon, or the new moon.
Harvest most crops when the moon is growing old. This will cause them to keep better and longer.
Dig root crops for seed in the third quarter of the moon. They will keep longer and are usually drier and better.
Gather root crops in the last quarter of the moon when the signs are in the knees or feet.
Can vegetables, cook preserves and jelly, and make pickles in the right sign during the last quarter of the moon.
Notes from "Backwoods Witchcraft" by Jake Richards
Plant peas and other crops that produce multiples when the sign is in the arms (Gemini). However, never plant green beans at this time, as they'll bloom themselves to death and won't bear anything worthwhile.
Always plant corn when the sign is in Leo, which is associated with the heart. Under Leo, it will grow tall and be less prone to blight or bugs.
The heart and chest (Cancer) is the best sign for fast germination.
Plants flowers in sign of the "posy girl" (Virgo), as this causes plants to flower a lot but bear little fruit. (Virgo is the worst sign to plant food under, especially since it's associated with the bowels.)
Cut flowers when the sign is in the head (Aries) to keep the blooms from wilting too fast.
More people need to learn to stay in their own lane. A lot of people will see someone making a post about their religious practices and start accusing them of all sorts of shit, like not doing research or only worshiping gods because they're popular.
There's a difference between staying vigilant for things like bigotry and appropriation versus attacking anyone that moves or even opens their mouth about a god.
182. Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play:
1. Hero - Enrique Iglesias
2. What I've Done - Linkin Park
3. Miss Independent - Ne-Yo
4. This is War - MBLAQ
5. Undead - Hollywood Undead
6. The One Thing I Have Left - Hawk Nelson
7. Fuck U Betta - Mister Chase
8. Last Resort - Papa Roach
9. Learn to Live with What You Are - Ben Folds
10. Sugar, We're Goin Down - Fall Out Boy
Psst, hey. Hey. Before you go blaming your bad mood on negative spirits or needing to smoke cleanse, consider: when was the last time you deep cleaned your home?