#servamp angst

[unwelcomedfox]

I'm just here to say that Mother Mother's song Simply Simple would totally fit depressed/angsty Mahiru very well

[servamp-shit]

Sorry, you’re not at fault

Kuro,

I know you might find this troublesome, but I’m sorry. I know you told me not to, but I couldn’t deal with it anymore. How could I remain strong? How could I hold on if my fingers kept slipping? I’m sorry, Kuro. I know you wanted something more than this. I know you wanted me to continue my life. I know how you’re feeling. I know you feel like this is your fault. It’s not. I promise you, this isn’t your fault! You protected me! You were there when no one else was! I was in your arms and now—I’m not.

I’m sorry, I won’t be there to help you through your problems anymore. I’m sorry that the last thing I said was hurtful. I’m sorry! I should’ve known better! I’m so sorry! When you found me, I felt a small spark of hope. But you didn’t do anything! I’m sorry!

You stared in horror at what you saw. You grabbed me and held me but you didn’t move. It’s okay. I forgive you. It’s okay, Kuro. You can find a new Eve, one that isn’t so troublesome.

Kuro…

“My body won't move, I feel so weak.

My life looks gray and bleak.

Everyone in this world,

Will you heed my word?

I may be breathing,

But I'm dead, I'm not living.”

I’m sorry I hid it from you. I’m sorry, but don’t take it personally! I swear, this isn’t your fault! Dammit! Kuro! Listen to me! This isn’t your fault.

Why did it have to end this way? I know you ask this question everyday you come to my grave. I watch over you, but you pay no heed. I’m sorry that I was so weak. Listen! I know why you’re scared. I know why you never wanted to have an Eve! You don’t want to lose them like you lost me.

Kuro…I’m happy now. Please, Kuro, smile for me.

[servamp-shit]

Red pt. 1

I walk without a care in the world, my friends alongside me. They joke and they laugh, but I stay silent with a small smile on my face. They’re in danger yet they didn’t know. My servamp sits on my head, asleep. I bite my lip, wanting to get home and lock myself in the restroom. It hurts, but it’s not like someone notices. No, I hide it—really well too. The sun beating down on us isn’t helping whatsoever. My thoughts—they make me nauseous. I clench my fist to silence them. It’s so unfair! How can they have fun and not worry about trying to kill someone?

I bring out my phone, telling them that I have to go that my uncle is at the apartment—that’s my lie and they believe it. I close my eyes for a second before making my way to my apartment. The world around me spins and tips, the edges of my vision darkening.

“Mahiru?” The voice that cuts through is gentle yet dull, holding worry. A tender hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”

No, I’m not. Yes, you are. I believe it. “Yes, I’m fine.” I quickly remove my shoes and head into my room, locking the door and sit on my bed to regulate my breathing.

They don’t know. They don’t need to know. I’m something that they shouldn’t even be around. Why was I cursed to be like this?

My mind shattered long ago. The sound of glass shattering into millions of pieces, that’s what you’d think right? No, my mind didn’t exactly shatter, it crumbled to dust. Much to the shock of my own self, I am a free man. I walk with no chains dragging me down, no bars in front of me. I walk freely down the streets, not in a hospital, not in an asylum. Find it funny that all I see is happy faces. I give a smile to myself in the mirror, showing something terrifying. I look like a normal human but the things I hide, they scream maniac. The look in my eyes, it shows but everyone seems to miss it.

It’s getting harder to even keep myself back from hurting them. I curl into myself, ignoring Kuro’s voice as I calm myself down. This is not okay. It doesn’t matter how many times someone tells me it’ll be okay. How is having violent thoughts okay? I don’t understand! How can someone say that it’s okay? I want to scream! I want to let peopl know how I feel! I only sit there. I sit there and stare at the wall. I don’t hear the door open until Kuro says something.

“Mahiru is everything okay?”

That same question.

The same lie. “Yes. Everything’s okay.”

Why can’t it just stop? Why can’t I just disappear? These violent thoughts filled with gore, I want them gone.

[servamp-shit]

You asked for headcannons? All of Gluttony's subclass died fighting Tsubaki, he was the first to loose all his jin, and his eve dropped him like a hot potato afterwards.

*this is short and thank you for the headcanon.*

Much to his brother’s lack of knowledge, he wasn’t the same as before. He acted the way he used to be so that he wouldn’t worry his siblings. It hurt so much. World End knew that they were stressed and it wasn’t something he wanted to add to. He acted his usual boisterous self, being loud and yelling for food. They didn’t know that he just had no want for it. He continued with such a facade that hides his suffering. It would’ve gone longer, that was if it wasn’t for the one with his oldest brother’s Eve.

He had tried hiding his woes. The Servamp of Gluttony’s facade was slowly crumbling and soon he would soon show how weak he had become. It was true, he became so weak. He was barely doing anything anymore to the fact that his oldest brother the Servamp of Sloth himself was doing more than ever. It hurt so much that no one saw his suffering, no one but that one smiling human that helped everyone.

It was during one of the most recent meetings they had. He sat away, less loud than ever and more secluded from the bunch. The Eve of Sloth noticed and made his way over to the one who dropped his facade. “World End, are you alright?” His kindness, his concern, it radiated off of him. It basically caused him to waver in his response.

“I’m…I’m fine.” His voice was quieter and it brought a frown to the teen. From what he had heard, this World End was not what he was told. “Please, just go.”

He didn’t. He sat beside him and looked up at him. “You don’t have to speak, but I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

With those few words, he broke down against the younger male. He was held and comforted before he started speaking, his wails echoing throughout the room and earning attention from the others. They were angered. They wanted to find the ones responsible for their brother’s distress, but, for now, they settled on being with him.

[servamp-shit]

Despair

He watched with utter despair as the stone crumbled, and as it crumbled so did the world around him. The same stone he has always seen every year. He could recite every word that was scribbled onto it. He could close his eyes and walk from the apartment to that particular stone without difficulty. He had memorized everything, and everything that he remembered was being forgotten. The words, the stone. All of it was destroyed.

He froze. Amidst battle, he froze. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t think. He could barely breathe. Brown eyes stared at the broken stone, not hearing the shouts of his comrades. “Mahiru!” Blood splattered the boy’s face as his servamp got in the way of the sword that had been coming his way.

“Mahiru, mommy loves you.” Her eyes. Those warm brown irises that would turn into a shade of amber when the sun hit them, turning into a dark copper color when angry. She held warmth and love for the young boy. A smile that lit up their surroundings and lifted his spirits. “Mahiru, come here please.” Her voice was always gentle, loving. Barely had she ever raised her voice to him. “Come here, Mahiru.”

“Mahiru?”

A loud crash and a scream of horror and another one of agony. Sirens filled the air. Red was all he knew. That smile was gone. The warmth was gone. Everything turned black and white with grief. For the only color that painted his small world was the one he watched pool around his mother as other people tried to help. He was lost. He was alone. Why wasn’t anyone helping him? Why can’t he move?

“Shirota!”

“Mom?” He would cry out at night, his body trembling in fear. No one would come in. Tremulously sobbing, smothering his cries with a pillow. He felt empty. His uncle went in and assessed the situation. He sat beside him and held him close, rocking him a speaking softly.

“Nii-san what’s wrong with your eve?”

The stone. The words. Everything he had known as a child torn to pieces. His mom was cruelly ripped from him at such a young age.

His gaze set and locked on the ruins of the grave. The only one that was broken—shattered. He started shaking. His breathing picking up speed while his eyes watered. What was wrong with him? How could he freak out over something like this?

“Everything will be okay, Mahiru.” Nothing was okay. How could anything be okay when his mom left him? “It may not be okay now, but it will be later. Mahiru, she wouldn’t want you to feel like this.”

“Then how am I supposed to feel?” he whispered softly as the tears spilled down his face. His friends that surrounded him stared in confusion before following his gaze, realization dawning on them.

“Mahiru! Come play with us!” They would tell me to go play. “Come on Mahi! Let’s have some fun!” But I just couldn’t bring myself to. It was the worst thing I can do to my cousins, but seeing them laughing and smiling, it hurt. It hurt me so much. I couldn’t bring myself to do that! I tried but I couldn’t! I faked a smile and felt disgusted with myself. What was wrong with me? He stared at his cousins and shook his head, returning to his uncle’s side. He felt tired, wanting to go home and just rest his eyes. He didn’t want to be there anymore.

He felt someone touch him and he just broke down. He pressed his hands against his eyes quietly crying as he tried to breathe regularly. He just panicked and his breathing became terrible. He felt someone rubbing his back but he couldn’t tell whom. People were talking, he couldn’t make out any voices. It all sounded as if he was underwater, drowning and trying to swim to the people on the surface but he just couldn’t pin point where they were.

Soon he couldn’t cry anymore and just slumped against whoever was beside him. He mumbled apologies, but to whom? It was unclear.

He could recite every word that had been scribbled onto that specific stone. He had memorized everything, and everything that he remembered was being forgotten. The words, the stone. All of it had been destroyed. His emotions that he had kept in him, they finally showed themselves. He was no longer the strong one, but he knew he had people that supported him and comforted him.

“Mahiru?”

“I’m okay. Thank you for always being with me Kuro,” he murmured as his eyes closed and he slumped onto him.

[servamp-shit]

It hurts

Warning: Torture, implied gore, and that terrible stuff.

The screams. The scent. The pain. Physical and mental. It hurts. Everything hurts. Why must this be so cruel? His eyes were glued to the scene in front of him, praying to practically whatever god that existed that what this was was all a dream. He tried looking away, tried closing his eyes and nothing.

Stop it! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Don’t touch him!

He watched, he listened, and he couldn’t do a thing about it. His binds, they couldn’t loosen. He was too weak. He needed blood but the one that gave it to him was too far from him, hurting.

Stop it! Please! Stop hurting him! Stop hurting him you bastards! He’s too young. Please, please let him go! Hurt me! Hurt me instead!

The snap of a bone, the scream. It was pitiful. He watched the warm blood splatter the ground. He tried transforming into a cat, but he only received an electrical shock. He was weakened even more, the blood that stained the floor reeked with a bitter metallic scent.

Don’t! Please don’t do it! Don’t hurt him anymore!

“He has ten fingers after all,” one of them said. With a horrible dread, he realized what they were going to do. Don’t! Stop it! Stop!

He tried to get out of his bonds again but nothing was working. Where were the others? Mahiru was shrieking loudly as they brought a knife over and held his hands still. They hit him, telling him to shut up and started pressing the blade against his pinky. Blood started to dribble down, his screaming was muffled by a rag. Tears streamed down his blood stained cheeks. Something was wrong. Why wasn’t anyone coming to help them?

The room turned into a red tint, rain falling. Insane laughter rang out, filling the air as it overcame the screams of the poor eve. “Oh my,” said the voice and then the clacking of wooden sandals reached their ears. “Such a terrible thing.” The humans soon laid dead on the ground as the Eve of Sloth was sobbing in both pain and complete trauma.

“Tsu-Tsubaki?” he inquired weakly as he stared at his younger brother.

“Why yes, dear brother,” he answered, letting Mahiru go. The brunette flinched when he came closer, staring with complete fear at the Servamp of Melancholy. Soon he got Kuro out of his binds who quickly ran over to his eve. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

Mahiru shrieked in terror, trembling and hoarsely muttering for him not to hurt him as he scrambled away. He curled up, gripping his hair and pulling at it. Sleepy Ash stared with wide eyes, shocked at the state he was rendered to. “Mahi-Mahi?” His heart shattered at the flinch.

Tsubaki stared sadly at the broken eve. He casted a sleeping spell and picked him up. “He needs to be healed big brother,” he said holding him. The teen was tense but he kept a grip on him. Kuro nodded slowly, a shadow was casted over his face as they left.

[servamp-shit]

Misery

Mahiru stared at the ground as the gauze around his mouth is being taken off so he could eat. The stitches on his cheeks hurt but he had been told to be careful and not to move his mouth too much in case the stitches break. He wasn’t allowed to eat any solid food so he would have to eat soup or anything that is a liquid. He wasn’t allowed to talk much either much to his frustration. He listened to his friends speak and wrote his responses down on a whiteboard.

Kuro helped him eat and the things he noticed about his eyes, it wasn’t something he liked. The happy eyes were replaced with miserable emotion. He hated seeing such an expression on the teen. He wanted to hurt Belkia for what he had done. Why would he even do such a thing? Did Tsubaki have anything behind it? How could he even harm such a kind hearted and caring person?

You want to know why? Because of you. It was the demon that resides in him. It spoke about how he was at fault for having dragged the boy into such a war. He could’ve avoided it all if he had just had let the magician kill him that first day, or even forced the teen away.

He held the bowl and helped him eat even though he received a glare that practically said Mahiru could do it himself. He sighed and let him after receiving the glare a bit longer. He hoped to help Mahiru and basically hoped that the scars wouldn’t be permanent. Keeping the thought in mind, he knew who was responsible and would make them pay for hurting Mahiru to such an extent.

He hadn’t noticed when Mahiru was trying to get his attention until he felt his shoulder being shook. Mahiru pointed to the bowl of leftover soup then at him in silent question of him wanting it. “You don’t want anymore?” A shake of the head. Kuro took the bowl and finished the soup, setting the empty bowl on the table and waiting for the doctor to come back in and rewrap the wounds. He never knew how much he actually enjoyed seeing a smile on Mahiru’s face until this tragedy occurred. When he looked at the slashes across his cheeks, he thought of the Slit Mouth Woman, completely glad that Mahiru wouldn’t go around asking if people that he was handsome then killing them when they said no.

Of course, they could do that and terrify some of the Melancholy group but it was probably not the time to bring that up.

Mahiru was miserable. He spoke to drown out the negativity in his head, but because of all this, he was basically drowning in his own misery. Any and all negative thoughts, memories, they plagued his mind. He tried to push them away but it was hard. He wanted Kuro to speak, to distract him. He heard nothing. Where were the others when he needed them, their loud voices and somewhat upbeat attitudes—he missed them.

Short I know. I just can’t think of anything else for this small arc. So I’m working on a request but I need more. Feel free to invade my inbox.

[servamp-shit]

Oh Satan

I am so sorry! I can’t believe I haven’t updated anything. I’m sorry, forgive me. I just haven’t been inspired lately and ugh, dang, I need requests. Ideas. Very few people have given me some and i feel terrible for not giving them the credit they deserve since it was their ideas! I just write the story and i end up posting it once I’m done not giving a second thought! But please request things for more content.

Thank you and have a good day/night