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Ministry of Sounds Session Six was an amazing compilation, if you chuck all the tracks into a playlist and shuffle them (for the Goodwill mix in particular) the tracks blend into each other almost flawlessly regardless of what order the tracks are in.
Goals for the weekend:
Keep my fever under 101
Or at least under 103
Will my blood cultures to be negative
Stop getting lightheaded every time I blow my nose
Clear out my sinuses
Get a decent night's sleep without Ativan
Above all else, avoid the hospital this weekend
Leggo
48 hours of hell
The last 48 hours were horrendous. It was what dying must feel like. Physically falling apart, mentally breaking down. I got severely dehydrated yesterday, and I was hospitalized for fluids. I was determined to vote yesterday, so I bundled up and went to our local high school. As I stood in line to get my ballot, I felt darkness come in on me, but I clutched the table and filled out the ballot. The problem came when I tried to put the ballot in the scan tron machine, and I started to fall, sinking lightly. I remember voting but I don't remember how I got the ballot into the machine, I couldn't see anything in front of me. The volunteers at the polls tried to call the hospital but my parents assured them that we were heading to the hospital right after this. Somehow, I got into the car, supported by my dad and one of the polling volunteers. Thankfully, I didn't pass out, but between monday night and now, I've had my fair share of scares. Each dehydration-sparked lightheaded incident was coupled with a nervous breakdown/panic attack, so its been rough.
I'm feeling much better right now because I'm not lightheaded anymore, but I still feel pretty awful. My whole body hurts and the aleve/claritin aren't doing the trick. Right now, I feel like someone is shoving a knife between my ribs. 48 hours of hell, come to a close.
Goodbye R-CHOD
Today was my last day of Dexamethasone. I took it this morning after breakfast. I am officially done with chemo! (With a few qualifiers) :)
Casual Acquaintance: Hey! So, uh, I know we're not that close, but I heard about...about what you're going through. Me: Oh. Yeah... Casual Acquaintance: I just wanted to say...you're an inspiration. Every time I see you, you're happy and you're smiling, and you're fixing other people. I was shocked when I heard, because I never would have guessed this could happen. But you, and your fight, it's really very inspiring. I think about you and your health all the time, and I hope you're going to be all well soon. Me: *close to tearing up* Thanks. It means a lot, coming from you. You didn't have to say that, and you did, so thanks. And I WILL be all well soon. I'll be back before you know it. Casual Acquaintance: That's really good to hear. You probably didn't know, but we've all missed you here.
A close friend's boyfriend/very close friends' friend/overall very nice kid, who I ran into at a party when I went to visit school last weekend. Friends have to be there. They have to tell you to keep fighting, that you're awesome. Casual acquaintances don't. They can feign ignorance, pretend that everything is perfect. And when they don't, when they reach out and tell you that you're missed by people who you barely see, it feels really really good. Thanks for making me want to fight, Casual Acquaintance.
Chemo day 6.2 - liveblog
9:57 - Settled in, massive stomach ache. Still forcing myself to eat :(
10:28 - Acid reflux. Exhausted. Hot flashes. I hate this.
11:29 - Another drip.
12:00 - NP just left. When asked what I can do to off-set my hemoglobin of 9.9, he said "Well, you won't do it anyway, but you have to eat more. Gotta raise your caloric intake! Balanced diet!" To which I responded, "What if it's balanced but only 1/3 of the quantity?" He just laughed at me.
12:14 - So it's not huge in calories, but I'm eating greek salad and it is fantastic. The dressing is a little acidic but I will suffer through it.
Chemo day 6.1 - liveblog
10:25 - Settled in and plugged into the machine. Because of Sandy, we got to the hosp kinda late, and my sister is here with me because she doesn't have school/we don't have power or heat.
11:10 - I'm beeping.
12:15 - Falling asleep. Also getting a foot reflexology!
