#sethnicality

[bbqsauceasaurus]

Day 2--down 2? WTH?

I've been eating "healthier," if not clean for several months. Over the last four years, I have lost 180 pounds forever, and yo-yo'd between 190 and 250. A few months ago, I weighed myself (which I don't do often), and I was *over* 250. We all have that number that makes us internally scream NOOOOOOOO! and that has been mine. As long as I stay under that, I could still say I used to be /more than a hundred pounds/ heavier. Yep. Me. I once weighed close to 375. It's almost unbelievable to me--because I didn't /feel/ that heavy--just tired.

I've had shakes here and there for months. Now that I'm on a PLAN, I feel a sense of purpose. A desire to do more, to be better. And what did that get me? Two pounds down. What better motivation is there?

[bbqsauceasaurus]

I'm just gonna go sit in front of the stove now. Kitty is baking. Pumpkin muffins. Struesel topping.

My stomach is growling so loudly it scared the cat.

[bbqsauceasaurus]

Our house smells like heaven. Because..  well. Kitty is cooking. Corn. Chowder.

[bbqsauceasaurus]

My mother may continue to cringe at the word "queer," but I invite you to consider the idea that queerness can be a pretty good thing. In the broad sense of the word, every person who has ever gone against social norms and values in order to improve them is queer.

[bbqsauceasaurus]

I was going to leave for lunch ten minutes ago, but then Little Iron Man came on and I had to listen. Then play it again.

This Just Happened

[bbqsauceasaurus]

I miss you like I haven't seen you in days, though I just saw you, kissed your lips, touched you, just a few hours ago. I sit in your seat, rest my cheek on your pillow, snuggle into your blanket...until I find some remnant of your presence. Maybe it's strange that I have so quickly, so easily, fallen so hard for you. Maybe I should bite my tongue, instead of telling you how much I adore you, your smile, your laugh, and all the adorable little things you do. But I won't, because I miss you like crazy. Love you like crazy. That's what you asked for. Can't eat, can't breathe, don't want to be anywhere but with you, fly across the country, don't care what people think, give it all we've got, forever kind of crazy love. So here I am, deeply, madly, truly in some crazy kind of love with you, my King of Hearts.

[bbqsauceasaurus]

Home

He says he loves me,

Tells me I'm beautiful

Not just in words but

In the way his eyes light up

When we are in the same room

Or when he talks about our future.

He says things that make my heart flutter

and my eyes fill with the tears

that a person cries when

everything is so perfect it's almost

unbelievable and then i look up

and he takes my breath away

and replaces it with butterflies and giggles

and daydreams.

I ask what he's thinking

Not because I don't know,

But because I want to hear his voice.

And when we lie down to sleep,

he folds me into his arms as if

i am something precious

and it feels like everything is finally

the way it's supposed to be.

And I am home.

[bbqsauceasaurus]

I can't even words at how amazing the last two days have been. Finally, finally feels like home. And no more #959miles....