#settling back in

[askmru]

     I’ve been gone a while, and I’m sorry about that. You came here for sexy alphabet men and I failed to deliver. Excuses are lame, but there’s an explanation below the break. Tl;dr: A lot of stuff happened this past year and I can’t promise a schedule just yet. Please bear with me, and thank you for accepting updates as I’m able to make them.

     Alright. So last year, about March/April my grandparents got into a pretty bad wreck. That had me pretty well out of commission and emotionally a little messed up. It also took me away from work a while. I had to move from part time to full time from there basically till I quit (more on that in a bit). For two weeks spanning between May and June I had a big trip planned and I had to keep working to save for that. It was to see @captainmolasses, @askrosemaryandguru/ @askhugsworthy, @milkytruffle, and @ask-wordsmith. Understand, these guys have been important people in my life, and I never see them. This trip took very high priority.      Now, just as a small and important aside, let me talk about my old job. It was with a food delivery company and they let me draw my own schedule. This was really helpful. The bad part about that, however, is that since I had to work lunch and dinner hours to make any money, I was stuck out on the road all day six days a week. I had a nice two hour lunch every day, yeah, but there’s a lot I needed to cram into that that sent Mr. U to the wayside.      Moving forward. After the May/June trip I had to go back to work. My friends all went back home and I was dealing with a lot of serious personal garbage and that put me on a pretty slow crawl on anything that wasn’t work, my essential reading, or the little bit of time I had for friends, family, and worship. A big part of the serious garbage got dealt with and I was freer of spirit. Sadly this did not change my work schedule or commitments.      Next was a cross-country trip to help my girlfriend and her dad move. I had to work and work and work to see to that. This included trip expenses and car maintenance expenses. This trip lasted three weeks.      Next comes October. I did Inktober last year which fought my schedule for working time. I made it through, but just a little less wealthier than I’d have preferred. You can check out The Main Blog for that and other art posts.      The rest of the holiday season ensued. I had a Thanksgiving trip, a Christmas trip, and a New Year’s trip this year. This cost a total of two and a half weeks, and a lot of man-hours to fund it. I do not regret it, I just wish I could have done some of that better.      Finally was the big move. My girlfriend lives in Michigan, and I lived in Texas. This was not workable in the long term for obvious reasons. I spent the first two months of the year working and working and working to save up for that. I arrived here in Grand Rapids on the last day of February, and got settled in the first day of March.     As of today I am settled into a new house and hopefully am on the tail end of a job hunt. The present most promising prospect is a 10hr x 4+days/week job with a screen printing company, which hopefully will mean just a little more time in the day for art production.      I can’t make any promises right now. It’s not fair to say that, I know, but it wouldn’t be fair to promise the resumption of a regular schedule right now. As the late, great Satoru Iwata says, please understand: I’m doing my best to get back in gear on all my personal matters. As soon as that settles/progresses, I can tell you more.      For now, I’m really grateful for the patience of everyone following me, and especially so the patience of everyone still here now. I hope to build the bridge back up with all of you.

[gurgledchirping]

Sup

[radicalsimplicity-blog1]

still working on it

Being independent that is. 

I moved back in on Monday, and we had a really good first night. We talked, we laughed.. it was nice to be in each others company. We talked about Andrea and how S is effecting her life so negatively. It felt really good to hear her say that she is going to spend less time with her. I know how it feels to be used by S, she did it to me. I’m glad Andrea is seeing it. Even though, she’s over there right now.

I’ve fallen back into routine my routine. Taking Willis out in the morning, making lunch the night before... It’s definitely different. Andrea and I are two separate people. It’s like we’re in a relationship, but at the same time we aren’t. She told me that I could see other people if I’d like to. And that she and I are “more than friends” but not in a committed relationship. It’s difficult to not be as physical with her but I do know that it’s helping me to maintain my independence. I was able to just speak openly on Monday which is something I haven’t felt comfortable doing in a while. I greatly enjoy how open Andrea and I have been about our thoughts and feelings. It helps me to feel more solid in who I am.

Each day since has just gotten better. We’re more open and relaxed. I definitely think that Andrea realizing S isn’t good for her helped- but we’re both doing our own things. I’ve been going to the gym a lot and it feels good. She started school and has also been going to the gym (not as much as me though!).

I’m really holding true to that living in the moment thing. It’s been difficult at times, but I have to keep going with it. I have to live it in everything I do, and I think I’m doing the best I can. Of course, I get stuck thinking about the what if’s and the expectations sometimes- but I’m really getting much much better at letting them go once I realize what I’m doing. I just have to do me. I mad plans with Jess for tomorrow night, and I may see what Chris is up to on Saturday night. Who knows. I get to make choices for me, not for anyone else.

So yeah, I guess I’m getting the hang of this. I’m working on it, but it seems to be working.