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dear future me, dear person i like, dear fans, dear mom and dad // is that enough for you to be sappy

DELIVERY TO: @seunqj

Dear future me,

Ha… where do I start? Are you living well? Still making music and living your life? Or are you still stuck being that same loser who’s afraid to tell others what to do just because you want to “protect” them. I hope you’re not. I hope you’re content with what you have now no matter how hard life can be. Of course, our life is hard to begin with so who am I to say that I might found happiness by then. Does people still leaves you hanging without any explanation? I hope you’re not thinking anymore about those people who left your life and wondering why and what did you do wrong. You were stuck in the past for so long… I hope you don’t anymore, Jiwon-ah. Let’s be in the present and try to make it better rather than finding out what you could’ve done to make the past better. You tortured yourself enough. Didn’t you remember how many people you hurt when you hurt yourself by hiding away for weeks and do nothing than crying and wishing death finds you at night? So please. Don’t ever go back to that phase. I love you a lot so I hope you don’t torture yourself anymore. Let’s live a life that you won’t regret living okay? I love you, put yourself first sometimes okay.

Dear that boring person that I like,

Hello, 아버님!!! Jkjk, hello precious one. The one that seems to be suffering a lot for sticking up on me lately during every break downs. I’m sorry I bring you into the mess that I made. I usually keep it too myself but anyways.. I’m thankful to have met you, to end up knowing you. I hope you’re sincere about your feelings since I’m too lazy and grown up to have doubts about people anymore. The old me back then would have so many insecurities but I am at that age that I basically don’t care what love can surprise me anymore. It’s not me trusting you 100% but it’s me, trying to put the trust on you in what I observe in you. I hope you don’t disappoint me anytime soon. I’ll flip you if I find other girls under your sleeves!! Remember that I choose you out of the three so don’t make me regret my decision. But anyhow, I am thankful that you’re always listening to my midnight thoughts, my absurd philosophy theories and my lame times too. Thank you and thank you. I hope you’ll stay around for awhile tho it’s pretty fine too if you wanna leave one day since I won’t hold you back. Here’s to more adventure of us!! I want to make you happy always and know that I’m here for your up and downs too. I honestly just want to spend everyday with you by my side altho that’s pretty gross– Smile always, my whoever, whichever, whatever ysj.

Dear fans,

Ah my beloved people that had supported me since the start. The ones that never failed to make me happy and made me love the stage, the eyes that glimmered as they sing along to every song and waved their hands around when I’m performing. Thank you, thank you so much. For supporting me and making my life a bit meaningful. Thank you for putting me in your thoughts and proved that a person like me deserved to be out there and be me. I hope you guys are always happy and that my music helps the souls out there that needed someone to understand them. I just want y’all to know that you guys are worthy to be love to and that I hope my musics comfort you in every steps. You see, I never see myself as someone who’s worth the love but sometimes I got healed when I see people acknowledging me and saying that my music heal them because they heal me so I hope I do the same thing too by making music. Thank you again for supporting me along my way of my career. I love you guys truly, don’t forget that. You’re worth something at least to your family, friends and me.

Dear parents,

Are you guys doing well? It’s been awhile right since we talk over the phone without arguing? Truthfully I’m sick of it too. I just want us to be happy.. along with Mika. I know I wasn’t able to grow into the daughter that you’ve always wanted and I’m sorry for that. Didn’t I always follow what you said before? Taking extra classes, nodding my head again and again every time you said the expectations that you wanted for me and clenching my fist every time I got hit for the wrongs that me and Mika did in the past. Of course, my success in the art stream are partially because of you guys. And I’m always glad to see you smile mom when my name goes on the newspaper for my achievement in doing sculptures. I love art, I love you guys. So much. But I’m tired. Of seeing Mika suffer, I’m tired of seeing dad sitting alone in his studio and doesn’t go home that much and I’m tired of seeing you, wasting everything and getting drunk as you pull yourself in problem everytime. Mom.. I beg you, please stop. Don’t you want to be happy for once? I do. I fucking do, with you, dad and Mika. The last time I visited, I actually cried when I get back. Because I saw dad being with other women and you, still the same being. What have we done? When did it all started to go wrong? Was it not enough that you ruined your lives that you had to bring me and Mika along? I’ve not stop praying that we will eventually get our happiness together but until then.. just don’t touch Mika. You can ruin me as much as you want. Fine, kill me mentally or even physically but don’t ever ruin her.. She doesn’t know anything, god. Why didn’t you put the blame on me instead? Did you know how much pain she had to go through after that news break? So please. Let’s just stop, hm? For a better you, a better me, a better dad and a better Mika.

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