Because They Are Shaming Kepochis
Nothing makes me feel more at home in Malaysia’s back-updated culture than when I’m at a wedding and an aunty reminds me “don’t have boyfriend now okay, too early” but then moves on to another girl who has just finished her degree and goes “eh when you getting married la! so long already, waiting for what? you’re not going to stay this pretty forever! and your oven isn’t going to stay warm forever”
*rolls eyes so far back into my body that I see my unfertilized eggs*
don’t you just LOVE when older relatives press you, especially as a women in this ever-changing world, to excel academically claiming that that is how you attain wealth/success but will water down my worth for a husband in two seconds depending on whether or not I won the ‘genetic lottery’ (not to mention the blatant colourism that always pops up) or my ability to bare children. Does it make me any less of a woman because maybe I don’t plan on having children and experiencing motherhood? Do I become less desirable to partners as I age? Does it make an infertile woman less worthy of love and respect from a partner? because that is what this perspective of perpetuating shame unconsciously instills in us.
I was scrolling through my facebook timeline to find a long list of comments regarding this video of two Indian teenagers in secondary school and see phrases like this. (actual quotes)
“Bodoh perempuan ini, mencemear kan name kluarga dan bangsa,jee...”
“Nowadays all make love in school n lose virgin there.. superb.. nalo pogum.”
“Nowadays people never think before act..ddnt respect their own family n no morality..omg..age kolaru..padike anupuna...hmmm...nasama pochu...”
“can love but cnt public city like this... we are Indian’s.. Love is not problm... but publicity is over... N make shame to our indians.....”
“Don’t spoilt Indian community name. School is the place get education not for entertainment. Do something really make proud to parents. Embrassing at this age.”
Point taken, it’s a school and there are rules regarding PDA (public display of affection) but does this really show anything other than that these two individuals really like each other? For all we know they could be excelling academically or be amazing sportspersons but it doesn’t matter because they displayed affection and are tarnishing the name of us ‘Indians’ right? wrong. It’s 2015 and people have the audacity to dip their toes into someone else’s pond and either blame or pity the parents because you definitely can confirm that these parents are ashamed of their children.
Is THIS issue really worth bringing up to the Ministry of Education to investigate? No, it is most definitely not. The people that are commenting that this is what our national education has come to..... how about you actually do a proper reading into the actual state of our national education curriculum and how it turns our students into word-vomit robots for exams or how the level of english being tested is preposterous or how the youth have no proper sex education and then maybe we can have a conversation about it.
I absolutely despise this culture that strives to shame teenagers for having totally natural feelings. (note: I don’t believe in throwing your whole life away and falling tragically in love with someone so much so that you neglect your personal growth and fulfillment) but you know what I believe in? I believe that individuals at that age CAN have endearing relationships. Relationships that have strong foundation built on respect, trust and ever-growing love. I believe that you can still build a career, earns an honours degree while maintaining a healthy loving relationship. I believe that you can be independent while supporting. It may work for some and it may not for others.
Some malaysians are amazing really. They have the need to constantly poke their heads into everyone’s personal business because they can be nosy assholes ready to judge a person at a blink care for the person’s future and well-being right? They think two people hugging and kissing each other on the cheek is definitely so ridiculously shameful because a person’s capability to feel attraction is such a sin in our culture isn’t it? They care about belittling two teenagers because they’re afraid that they might have sex but don’t bother to have conversations about how to practice safe consensual great sex or maintaining healthy nurturing relationships. I don’t know about you but I’m really tired of a culture that is so sex-negative that think as soon as two teenagers kiss on the cheek their going to spawn babies like rabbits. You think it’s okay to shame teenagers for experiencing attraction then you teach them to lie to you. When they lie to you, there is zero trust. When you punish a child for their honesty, they will resort to lying. You want teenagers to be mature and responsible for their actions but you reduce them to reckless children that have no control over their choices.
*sigh* here’s to a more progressive community.
