#shadouarchives

[shadouette]

Today is my birthday 🥳 (I had the party yesterday because today I have to write a stupid report)

But the cake is from today 🎂

[shadouette]

Art summary :)

[shadouette]

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

[shadouette]

Oh my god I have a tumblr

[shadouette]

Being given up on sucks

It makes me sick actually

Especially from a person who told me it was okay to be myself

[shadouette]

01.12.25

Tell me I’m doing the right thing

Or tell me the truth

Say that you miss me

I’ll say I miss you too

The ink flows onto the page

A chapter begins unbeknownst to me

Is it too late to unlearn this fate

Too late to uproot you from the archives

You don’t say too much

And in the dead of night

I can’t tell if it’s reassurance or condescension

Are you saving your best for another version of me

I’m dying of thirst in your indifference

Are you the moon or a flickering light

Give me a place to rest when my wings grow tired

Can you do that? Can you? Can you?

When did the rope you let down the well wrap itself around my lungs

And I’ll have to choose love or my life over and over again

Would you still choose me when I can’t help but drag you down with me

If I ask you what’s the world like up there

Would you tell me?

Or could you show me?

And if you choose me

Would it turn out to be like the last time someone made me their world

Then lit me up leaving nothing but ashes

Your faith in me poisons my veins

You want to keep me safe, I know

But what if I crave the air that’s close to killing me

Would you give it to me if I ask

Would you give me everything, anything, or nothing?

Are you the moon or a flickering light

Does it really matter

If the moth is blind

I can feel myself steering us off the cliff

Trying to avoid the ditch

And now I’m falling

I’m falling off the cliff

With or without you

[shadouette]

The internet is such a waste of time

[shadouette]

22.02.2025

Summer of 23, I was walking downtown Toronto

I hadn’t been there in a few

I took the train there from Scarborough

My friend had an empty basement

I stayed there for two weeks

And for the first time since 2019

I felt a sense of peace

I didn’t know you back then

But that was where it started

You told me I was interesting

I thought nothing of it

Then a year had gone along

You bled gold through cracks of me

Like some Japanese pottery

And I could see it was beautiful

But I hadn’t felt the same peace

Ever since

And you know what they say to the young

You fuck around and find out

You found out who you really were

And I found out the hard way

So I’m walking myself back home now

Like I should’ve done in March one day

So I’m walking myself back home

I’m landing at Pearson

I’m walking downtown Toronto

Stopping by my favorite place

I still have no appetite

But I guess I could window shop

I wonder if it’ll take two weeks

Well, time is all I’ve got

I’ve grown a lot since then, I know

I didn’t panic when I missed the flight

Because someone was waiting for me

On the other side

And I almost lost them because of you

So I’m hoping even if there weren’t

I’d somehow still be fine

I could break myself into pieces

I always have and I always will

And all your gold was just glitter

So you can’t get ahold of me now

Because I’m meant to be a million pieces

And somewhere within them

There is that sense of peace

I might’ve lost it once or twice

But unlike you

It was, and will be mine again