Shadou

Shadou archives

[citree]

Happy birthday trans people!!!!!! ✨💞🥰💙🫶🌟💕🦎🏳️‍⚧️💞the world is better with you in it ❤️

[citree]

.

Did not mean to add the lizard 😐

[citree]

Ok happy birthday trans people x2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🎉✨🎈🎉💕✨🫶🏳️‍⚧️💙🤍💖🎉✨🌟And also this lizard!!!!🦎🏳️‍⚧️💕🎉

[shadouette]

Art summary :)

[shadouette]

Oh my god I have a tumblr

[shadouette]

Being given up on sucks

It makes me sick actually

Especially from a person who told me it was okay to be myself

[shadouette]

01.12.25

Tell me I’m doing the right thing

Or tell me the truth

Say that you miss me

I’ll say I miss you too

The ink flows onto the page

A chapter begins unbeknownst to me

Is it too late to unlearn this fate

Too late to uproot you from the archives

You don’t say too much

And in the dead of night

I can’t tell if it’s reassurance or condescension

Are you saving your best for another version of me

I’m dying of thirst in your indifference

Are you the moon or a flickering light

Give me a place to rest when my wings grow tired

Can you do that? Can you? Can you?

When did the rope you let down the well wrap itself around my lungs

And I’ll have to choose love or my life over and over again

Would you still choose me when I can’t help but drag you down with me

If I ask you what’s the world like up there

Would you tell me?

Or could you show me?

And if you choose me

Would it turn out to be like the last time someone made me their world

Then lit me up leaving nothing but ashes

Your faith in me poisons my veins

You want to keep me safe, I know

But what if I crave the air that’s close to killing me

Would you give it to me if I ask

Would you give me everything, anything, or nothing?

Are you the moon or a flickering light

Does it really matter

If the moth is blind

I can feel myself steering us off the cliff

Trying to avoid the ditch

And now I’m falling

I’m falling off the cliff

With or without you

[shadouette]

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

[shadouette]

Modeus bunny ♥️

[shadouette]

The internet is such a waste of time

[shadouette]

Today is my birthday 🥳 (I had the party yesterday because today I have to write a stupid report)

But the cake is from today 🎂

[shadouette]

22.02.2025

Summer of 23, I was walking downtown Toronto

I hadn’t been there in a few

I took the train there from Scarborough

My friend had an empty basement

I stayed there for two weeks

And for the first time since 2019

I felt a sense of peace

I didn’t know you back then

But that was where it started

You told me I was interesting

I thought nothing of it

Then a year had gone along

You bled gold through cracks of me

Like some Japanese pottery

And I could see it was beautiful

But I hadn’t felt the same peace

Ever since

And you know what they say to the young

You fuck around and find out

You found out who you really were

And I found out the hard way

So I’m walking myself back home now

Like I should’ve done in March one day

So I’m walking myself back home

I’m landing at Pearson

I’m walking downtown Toronto

Stopping by my favorite place

I still have no appetite

But I guess I could window shop

I wonder if it’ll take two weeks

Well, time is all I’ve got

I’ve grown a lot since then, I know

I didn’t panic when I missed the flight

Because someone was waiting for me

On the other side

And I almost lost them because of you

So I’m hoping even if there weren’t

I’d somehow still be fine

I could break myself into pieces

I always have and I always will

And all your gold was just glitter

So you can’t get ahold of me now

Because I’m meant to be a million pieces

And somewhere within them

There is that sense of peace

I might’ve lost it once or twice

But unlike you

It was, and will be mine again

[shadouette]

Tromso. One day.

[shadouette]

I’m too mentally ill for this

[flashkirby99]

"To all the boneheads and freaks in the house tonight, this is DJ PAUSE ⏻FF blastin' your brains out with the spookiest hits this side of town!" ~ Sìnéad

♫ SCHNI SCHNA SCHNAPPI, SCHNAPPI SCHNAPPI SNAP! ♪

Legends of the celtic fairy (or a witch, depending on who you ask) cait-sìth don't have much to say visually, other than a white patch of chest fur on an larger-than-average black cat. Their stories come primarily from spoken word and poems, and not well illustrated outside of the famous King of Cats tale.

[shadouette]

Love her love her ❤️‍🔥

[shadouette]

I hate school it makes me want to self harm

[hugsohugs]

can't stop thinking abt this image. he smelled an icky smell and it was soscary

[shadouette]

Prologue (2022)

To get straight to the point, I’ve been in terrible shape mentally. And just in terms of life. I graduated high school three years ago, and my friends are all graduating or almost graduating, and I feel like I’m right where high school left me. Truth be told, I’ve always struggled with depression since 2016. Though the seed for it was planted long before that, I reckon. I’ve been in terrible shape mentally for as long as I remember. 2019, the year I graduated, might’ve been the last time I peaked, and even then it still had the depressed undertone. Or 2020, when I decided to drop my first study and start fresh somewhere else, but that also still had the depressed undertone. I don’t know if I’ll ever get rid of that, but I kinda can’t care when a lot of the time these days I’m living with a depressed overtone. 

I’ve been telling myself, as I dread my boring daily life with a mediocre study and a mediocre part time job, that I’m doing better. I’m better than I was two and a half years ago, because that was rock bottom. I’m doing better than I was last year, because that was the real rock bottom. When I have the occasional sparks of wanting to make something out of my life, I consider reality, the terribleness of my mental shape, and think “I’m doing better.” And frankly, I am doing better. I’m just existing and letting myself exist. It may sound ridiculous, but at rock bottom, I really didn’t want to exist, nor felt like I deserved to exist. So yes, everything is everywhere piled up on my desk, there’s laundry from last month laying around the apartment, the floor is covered in an ancient layer of dust, and I hadn’t eaten breakfast, but I am truly doing better. And it seems like all I can ask for at this point, since no one got me into this hellhole other than myself. 

But then I met someone online by happenstance. We were becoming close friends, and we had shared quite a lot about our lives to each other. One day they told me they wonder about where I’ll go in my life sometimes, and that they want me to be happy. I was having this normal conversation, like one does, but when I let that conversation marinate in my head sometime later, I had to do a double, triple, and quadruple take.

Happy?

When was the last time I aimed for happy? 

I felt like a detective working on a case for 48 hours straight with no new leads. And for the first time in a while, it occurred to me that I could take a walk, get a cup of coffee and come back to the case with an ever-so-slightly fresher mindset and perspective. So I considered standing up from my desk to back away from the case. Which is right now.

I am going nowhere. I am, however, doing better. 

But is it possible that a solution to this impossible case exists, and there is a possibility out there for me, my life, that… 

I could be better than just better?